MLB Divisional Previews

The Easy East


The best division in baseball? Maybe. One always has to be careful when applying measures of objectivity to an absolutely subjective notion. But, that's never really stopped us before, and really, why should it for the duration of our little walk down the avenue of life?

So yes, best division in baseball. Why? Objective statistics:

The records from the AL East last year:

G Rays 97-65 Bo Sox 95-67 Skanks 89-73 Habs 86-76 Bmore 68-93

Aside from that little blemish in Maryland (and when is that ever not the case?) each of the top 4 stack up very well against the rest of the League.

For example, were the Blue Jays in the AL Central they would have finished 2.5 games behind the White Sox for the division. Just 1.5 games behind the Twins. The Yankees? Well, they would have won the division (Aaaand they won the season series against the Chi Sox 5-2). And let's not even discuss that embarrassment out West (well, looks like we already did).

Moral of the story is that while these 5 teams are not busy beating up on one another, they are off hammering the rest of baseball. So, East Coast bias be fucked, this is real deal metrics, and y'all just been served.

To the predictions!

(It's more pleasant to start from the bottom)

5. Oreo's

I prefer not to spend too much time on this waste of organization to be honest. Harsh? Yes. Deserved? Also, yes. This team was awful last year, and what did they do this off-season in response to such a dreadful performance? They sign DL all-star Rich Hill formerly of Cubs fame, Tony Gwynn look-a-like Cesar Izturis, and of course Kevin Millar's replacement, Ty Wigginton. This will earn them approximately 1-2 more wins this year. Fortunately for Baltimore's "frugal" management team, no moving costs will be accrued, since they'll be remaining in the basement for at least one more year.

4. BJ's

Dirty little secret: Blue Jays were my favorite team as a small boy. Fred McGriff, Joe Carter, Gruber, Fernandez, White, Alomar... I loved it. But there's not much to love about this team nowadays. Why? Because the Blue Jays third best hitter is named Overbay. While there is plenty to love about this team's starting pitching and bullpen, even with the loss of Burnett, they just will not have the bats to stay in it. Against the arms in Boston, Tampa, and New York, they will simply not be able to score enough runs, even with the addition of the mighty Scott Rolen. Blue Jays will once again finish above .500, but that won't be enough. Perhaps if the Blue Jays move to Vancouver, and shift over to the AL West, but as of right now, their fortunes will continue to remain limited.

3. G Rays

If you kept up on the Rays over the last few years, then their success in 2008 only should have come a small surprise. The Rays had been building a small, yet formidable army over the last 5 years, centering around young, athletic bats and young, solid arms with high-potential. With the addition of Longoria to the lineup, they begun to hit for power. With the addition of Garza, they brought attitude to the rotation. And even without the services of their ace early in the season, the Rays were able to remain competitive and at the top of the division.

So what changes this year? Nothing more than the law of the World Series burn out. Call them the 2008 Rockies. Even though the G Rays are way better than the 2008 Rockies, they still play in the AL East, and due to the fact that both the Yankees and Red Sox are improved, they simply will not be able to replicate last year's success either due to injury and/or sophomore slumpage. Of course, I said the same thing last year...

2. Skankonia

Goodbye chubby Giambi and injury-riddled Pavano! Hello chubby CC and... injury-riddled... Burnett? Oh, and apparently they picked up some other guy named "Tex". And so the Yankees appear to be scary once again, but for this cat, it just seems like there are more question marks than guarantees. Can CC's arm hold up after pitching over 250 innings in 2008? Will the Yanks aging veteran core remain healthy? When did A Rod do steroids again? Is Hank serious? Will Phil Hughes finally get it together? Can Cano take a pitch for once? Regardless, New York's firepower and seemingly endless supply of resources should be enough to keep them competitive in the divisional and Wild Card races... But let's hope not.

1. Sux Nation

The story of the Sox begins in the rotation. Indeed, they may be the first team in Major League history to utilize a 7-man rotation. Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, Daisuke-san, Tim Wakefield, Brad Penny, and John Smoltz. Oh, that's only 6 you say? Okay, well how about Clay Buchholz or Justin Masterson? It's a formidable staff even if/when a few things go wrong. And then there is the bullpen. Delcarmen and Okajima are pen fixtures in Boston. Plus, they've added an extra closer by bringing on Saito to lighten any undue burdens for that wicked annoying closer they have. It's rare to consider a team's pitching staff as a source of firepower, but in this case, it could be warranted.

However, the big question for the Sox this year will still be, can the offense be sustained without the services of Manny? Ortiz was hurt last year, or is unable to perform without Manny's protection. While Youkilis and Pedroia were out of control last year, will they drive in the necessary runs if their pitchers don't quite perform as well as (this asshole) predicts? And who the shit is Jason Bay? Nevertheless, if Jacoby remembers how to hit and Lowell can stay at least a little healthy, with their pitching prowess, the Sox should have the bats to get past most opponents, most of the time, and even if only by a little bit.

MLB Divisional Previews

This week we here at FSD will be bringing you all that you need to know about the upcoming baseball season, division by division. We will tell you how each team will do, how the divisions will shape up, as well as how low Jason Varitek's batting average will drop to this season. Next!

Angels In the Outhouse (Because they're surrounded by shit)
What can be said about the AL West that should never have been said already? You got three below average teams who, lately, have just been downright putrid. Moneyball has been transformed into an annual fire sale, the Rangers powerball system has been about as fortunate as I am with a lottery ticket, and sushiball, well let's just say it stinks. And look what we have at the top of the division, a team more interested in making excuses for their post-season misfortunes due to the fact that they are annually OWNED by the Bo Sox. So in essence, the great contribution the West has made to baseball in the last 10 years has been the Rally Monkey... I'm no longer sure that I have the will to continue with this preview.

Quick question before we begin for those fans of AL West ball clubs; have you even started reading this preview yet, or have you already skipped to the 4th and 5th paragraphs, as it is customary to never start from the beginning when it comes to baseball with you clowns? Just checking. Hmmmm... How will this spiral of suck shape up in the end?

4. Drunken Sailors

Erik Bedard makes $7 million a year to pitch occassionally. King Felix dominates regularly and makes a half million per year. Gotta love baseball because it makes basketball looks reasonable, and anything that is capable of such a feat should impress each and everyone one of us. Okay, okay... How can I avoid talking about the rest of this team...? Hmmmm... Let's talk history! Remember when Bret Boone came to the Mariners back in '01 and started tearing the cover off the ball? The previous year he hit 19 homers. The NEXT year he hits 37 and drives in 141 runners. Congrats, Mr. Boone, and welcome to Brady Anderson's "Wow, I didn't do a very good job of concealing the fact that I'm on steroids" Club.

They don't have the power to do any damage. They don't have the pitching staff to shutdown opponents. And they didn't make any big moves in the offseason in order to address any of these concerns. But, you do have the necessary nostalgia to get you through the first months of the season by having Junior back. Unfortunately, nostalgia blinds us all. And by the time everyone snaps out of it, the season will all be over and we'll be debating who wants to beat up Ichiro the most. Can't wait for July!


3. Mean Gene Oakland

Now, I really feel like I should be dropping these jerks even lower after what their GM did last year. Let's look at who the A's no longer have on their pitching staff:

Harden
Blanton
Gaudin
Haren
Zito
Mulder
Hudson
Lilly
Harang

Now, some of those guys never would have worn an A's uniform unless one of the others was traded. And also, it looks as if shedding some of these contracts was a good idea, but just look at those names! You can see how Bill Beane got his reputation, and now you can see why he is about to lose it, because I am not even sure what to make of the A's pitching staff this year. Now, I also didn't recognize any of the aforementioned names prior to them pitching for Oakland, so maybe he's got something in store for us... But I doubt it.

However, he did manage to make an absolute mockery of his payroll by pulling down burnt out stars and semi-stars such as Jason Giambi, Nomar, and Orlando Cabrera. Oh and let us not forget how he picked up Matt Holliday for one year's mercenary work before he goes over to the American League to play for either the Red Sox or Yankees. Nice work, Billy boy. Enjoy that return to obscurity.


2. The Gun Show

Color me absolutely intrigued by the Texas Rangers. I know. I know. They've been applying the same muscle-bound, brainless policies for about a decade now with little, to lots of embarrassing results. Sign home run hitters, let them swing away, lost every game 9-7 because our pitching is atrocious. Now, they really haven't done much to address their pitching staff. From what I can gather Kerry Millwood is still their ace. Stop. Read that previous sentence again. Okay, proceed... This year it seems that combined with the sorry state of the AL West, and the bats that the Rangers have compiled over the last two years, they could possibly make a decent run at the Wild Card. I mean, they won't. But, it's fun to think about.

Byrd, Young, Cruz, Murphy, Kinsler, Blalock, Salty, ANDRUW JONES. With the exception of the latter, these boys are all young and can stroke it at least on occasion. This will be a very difficult order to run through unscathed. The only problem is, will there pus-filled rotation and bullpen be able to preserve the leads that they will surely generate? Forgive me, but if you think that a guy named Joakim is gonna sure up either your 8 or 9-hole, and if you think you're getting anything but meltdowns from Spazbow, then I'm sorry, but you set yourself up for this huge letdown. And which pitcher makes the most money in the rotation? Vicente Padilla? Yikes. Here's your safest bet; in the early going, take the over anytime the Rangers are playing. Oh, and I was just kidding about that Wild Card thing.


1. The Whahmbulance Chasers

Big question; are the Angels, with the loss of both K Rod and Tex, weaker than they were last year? Bigger question; due to the appallingly low level of talent in the rest of the division, does that even matter? Texieira and Rodriguez have been replaced by Brian Fuentes and Bobby Abreu, both of which are probably the equivalent of trying to fill potholes with play-doh. But when the rest of your division is forced to play on dirt roads, you can afford a few cracks in the asphalt.

The Angels have a superior pitching staff to most teams in the Bigs, even with Lackey and Santana a bit dinged up to start the season. And even with the loss of K Rod, their bullpen is still solid with Shieldsy holding down the setup role, and even if/when Fuents falters, this Arredondo guy looks like he could step in at anytime. Not sure who their first baseman is this year, but the infield looks to be solid, as well as interchangeable (Figgins, Izturis, Kendrick, Aybar, Figueroa). With the lack of power coming from an aging and overrated outfield, it looks like small ball will be the name of the game for Los Angeles. But again, even if Vlady's caveman-like life expectancy should prove true and Torii never fully recovers his vision, the Angels should have the juice to wrap up the division, even though they're going to lose in the first round of the playoffs again.

MLB Divisional Previews

This week we here at FSD will be bringing you all that you need to know about the upcoming baseball season, division by division. We will tell you how each team will do, how the divisions will shape up, as well as how low Jason Varitek's batting average will drop to this season. Next!

Quietly, this is likely the most competitive division in baseball. (Eat my shit, East divisions). Now, I didn't say the most talent-laden, or the division with the best teams; just the most competitive. You could make a very compelling arguement for any of these five teams either winning the division, or finishing in dead last. What's this all mean? It means NONE of these squads are a sure thing, and each one is loaded with question marks and blind optimism. I don't think quite as linear as my esteemed colleague, so analysis first followed by predicted order of finish. Onward with my best guesses and blatant bias...

Detroit Tigers

Leyland's boys have the "We'll show all you fuckers" motivation factor working in their favor after the utter disappointment of last season. Can the Tigers possibly be THAT shitty again? Maybe. It seems they upgraded offensively behind the plate by adding Gerald Laird, but this team's issue is the pitching staff; both the front and back end. My personal belief is that BonderWoman is toast, while Verlander might not be far behind (thought I do think he gets a little bit of his libido back this season). They switched from one unimposing closer to another in Brandon Lyon, and hey! Lookee here! Joel Zumaya is hurt, and the state of Michigan nods along knowingly. Detroit has some excellent individual pieces and shouldn't be hurtin' for offense, but I don't foresee them putting it altogether, especially with lung cancer staring them all in the face. Though, if Detroit wins the division, it means Miggy Cakes is your AL MVP, and you can write that down.

Chicago White Sox

While the Tigers question whether they're actually as bad as they were last year, the Pale Hose (and their fans) wonder if they're actually as good. Considering the '08 Sox relied almost exclusively on offense through two complete and utter unknowns (Carlos Quentin and The Cuban Missile) while their aging sluggers mired near the Mendoza line, there is obvious skepticism as to whether they can duplicate at least part of that production this year. The departures of True Gold Glover Joe Crede and O-Cab make this team weaker defensively, but they were bad to begin with. Anything the Sox get from Konerko/Thome is gravy, because any measure of success will be heavily predicated on the production of their young guns (throw Josh Fields in with Alexei and Q) and the strength and depth and appetite suppression of the pitching staff. Colon, Jenks and Contreras could out-eat any 3 pitchers from any other team. This team is in the process of a rebirth in the image of Ozzie, and a fresh farm system will probably be asked to contribute this year.

Keep your eye on lefty John Danks. Dude's got a mean-ass mentality, and pitches like his tutor Mark Buerhle; if Mark Buerhle could break 85 on the gun. I say he has a Jon Lester-type ceiling this year. Others laugh at me.

Cleveland Indians

Travis Hafner: juicebag? Or biggest juicebag? Hafner's season was so laughably bad last year that any expectations for a "bounceback" year are equally hilarious. Would Tribe fans be happy with a .240 BA and 30 bombs? Probably, but don't hold your breathe. Sizemore continues to fool folks into believing he's one of those rare leadoff hitters who doesn't hit for average. Then again, it must be tough when your dick is covered with herpes. I'm not at all sure what to make of the Yahoos (Wahoo?), but I'm a skeptic of both Clifford Lee and Carmona. I agree with my colleague that the addition of Mark DeRosa was well-thought out (call him the new Casey Blake?), but if only he could play all those positions at the same time...then maybe Kerry Wood would have less chances to blow a game.

Kansas City Royals

Let's get this out of the way upfront. They Royals are NOT this year's Rays. They also won't finish last. In fact, I even think they'll be "in the hunt", as they say through the All-Star break, giving Steve Phillips a few months of great fodder to sound like an asshole about. There's a good young core in place here with Gordon, Teahen, Butler and Crisp and Gil Meche and Greinke are respectable 1-2. So, assuming Jose Guillen = -10 wins, I'd even venture to say the NuRays finish in sniffing range of .500. If Alex Gordon decides to grow up, they might even be average. I'll promise you this, they'll own the White Sox.

Minnesota Twins

Maybe it's all the basketball on the brain, but the Twinkies remind me a lot of Michigan State. Frequently overlooked, underrated and unknown, but always balanced and good enough to win the division any given year. Gotta respect how Gardenhire does things the vintage way. Steady pitching, impenetrable defense and speed top-to-bottom. This year's version is no different, except the pitching might border more on "hopeful" than "consistent". Big addition Joe Crede fits their defensive model, but he runs like a geriatric. Gotta think their season hinges on Not Johan. If Liriano can be dominant, the rest of the staff should have enough quality starts in them to succeed. If not, or if Mauer's annual bizarre injury is worse this year, the Twins could plummet, and hard.

Keep your eyes on Denard Span and Carlos Gomez. Fast, exciting and triple-machines. As much as I hate the fucking Twins, I'm scared shitless (and jealous) of these two. Things I'm not jealous? Playing baseball inside a garbage bag. Grow up, Humpdome.

Like I said, this party could shake out any number of ways. Here goes nothing:

1. Minnesota Twins

2. Chicago White Sox

3. Detroit Tigers

4. Kansas City Royals

5. Cleveland Indians

MLB Divisional Previews

This week we here at FSD will be bringing you all that you need to know about the upcoming baseball season, division by division. We will tell you how each team will do, how the divisions will shape up, as well as how low Jason Varitek's batting average will drop to this season.

So, let's shun our prideful East Coast bias and start in the center of it all.

First up!

EN EL CENTRO


Considering how bad the Cubs were last year, they really dominated a very good division. For example, I will start with a question: The Cardinals finished 4th in the Central last season, how many games above .500 were they (Could be a trick question...)? But it isn't. 10 games! Can you believe that? In fairness, they did get to pick on the Pirates and Reds very often, and also the Nationals, Giants, and Padres. But still, you're measured by your divisional record, and this speaks very well for the Central. Now if someone could win a playoff series sometime soon, we may even be able to say more.

Still, I can't help but shake the feeling that the NL Central is just the cute division that makes waves during the regular season, can make runs in the playoffs (not lately), and even make the World Series. However, up against just about any American League contender, my money would be on NL representative not winning. The teams seem incomplete, built well enough to win a lot of regular season games, but when it comes to the show, as my man Mr. Plainview once said, they won't be there. Let's prognosticate shall we?

6. Butt (what about the) Pirates?

Your best hitter last year batted .276 (and probably .250 in the second half). You traded away your best hitter, and got small pox blankets in return. Your second best starter's ERA was pushing 5. How did y'all have a better record than the Reds last year? This barely makes any sense.

Good news is that you have some hitters on your team, even though McLouth's decline will continue. Bad news is that your pitching staff is barely something to be optimistic about at this point. Good news is that the average age in the rotation is 27, so the future could be bright. But we all know that if any of them start to look too good, they will be trade to an AL contender. So you got that to look forward to. Here's to one more year of flat out disappointment!

5. Red City Savages

These poor bastards. You know they are going to be terrible again this year. Who the hell is going to hit the ball for this team? Their second baseman? Johnny Gomes? Jay Bruce will surely hit, but will it even be picked up on radar? Forgive my skepticism, but they currently have catcher making 7.5 million who's a lifetime .250 hitter. The pitching staff is actually intriguing. They are young and potentially devastating. Arroyo has been serviceable at the least. Volquez had a tremendous '08, but I actually anticipate Cueto having the better year (call it a hunch). Big question mark is Harang. Can he throw it over the plate this year?

Never fear Reds fans, you picked up Micah Owings last year, so even if he can't fill the 5th-spot in the rotation, he will still be able to lead your team in homers this year... Probably with 15.

4. Brew... Crew...

So sadly, or not so sadly, the Ben Sheets era has come to a close in Miltown. The vernal cocktease has finally departed and now the Brewers can actually proceed instead of sitting in the expectational waiting room... symbolically speaking. Oh and they also got rid of Garbage-time Gagne, so their baggage just got even lighter. It should also be noted that the team did pick up the pace dramatically after Yost was fired... Will the good feelings carry over for Coach Sveum?

The Brewers strength comes from their bats. Braun, Fielders, Hart, Hardy. However, none of these guys manage to hit on a very consistent basis, therefore they never have baserunners to drive in. The Brew did sign Mike Lamb in the off-season, who while not a huge on-base guy, will certainly bolster the lineup. But regardless, the Brewers are going to need guys like Weeks and Hart on-base if they want to be able to outscore their opponents. Because looking at their pitching staff, even with the return of a healthy Gallardo, the loss of CC and Sheets will be noticeable, and the rest of the staff doesn't necessarily strike fear into the hearts of opposing hitters. Brewers are missing a few pieces, and they are pretty fucking big. This causes them to slip this year, and pretty dramatically.

3. Pride of Misery

Somehow, and every year, the Cardinals gather together some mediocre to semi-above average hitters and whites, tallest pitchers that can be found and still manage to be competitive. And it's frigging annoying. You figure that one year, the narcoleptic coach would slip up, bat Pujols 8th, a David Eckstein third, and decide to let Ankiel take the hill once again. Sadly, this has not happened... yet.

The Cardinals didn't have the juice to make a playoff run but to be fair, they had some injury issues. Both Carpenter and Wainwright missed significant time with various ailments (Carpenter? Hurt? Weird...). But still, Senor Pujols was able to carry them to respectability, and on one leg. However, I am seeing similar result this year for the Cards as the last. Competitive, hovering around .500, and not much else. This team had to do better than Khalil Greene this off-season, and they didn't. Still, you got a sweet new stadium down there Cards fans... Enjoy that?

2. Stroh's

Quick, what team does power-hitting, soft-throwing Mike Hampton now play for? I mean, if the Colorado Rockies are picking up the tab then why not, right? I say because the guy is a broken- down chump, but I don't make the calls around here.

So why the Astros over the Cardinals? Not much really, except that the Astros have a few decent hitters instead of just one. If Berkman and Lee can stay healthy, then their offense is dangerous. And because Tejada is old, the MLB has to let him use HGH, by law... So that can only help. Pitching seems to be a problem in that they only have one of them, but when has that ever stopped a National League team from doing damage (*cough* Phillies)? Plus, if Michael Bourn can get on base a little more than last year, and Towles can, well, not suck like he did last year, then the Astros might not even face a challenge for runner-up in the division...

1. Bullshit, Bullshit Bears!

Far and away the Cubs were the most active team in the off-season, luring potential losers from other teams with the promise of continued failure, constant disappointment, albeit with "media darling" status all but guaranteed. Losers like Kevin Gregg and Aaron Heilman. And CRAZY losers like Milton Bradley. And if you looked at their expected rotation, one might feel the inclination to be impressed; Zambrano, Harden, Dempster, Lilly, Heilman/Gaudin. And then their bullpen would only confirm this tendency; Marmol, Gaudin/Heilman, Gregg, Samardizimajig. Impressive, if they weren't all destined to fail miserably.

Biggest question for the Cubs, aside from when or where they will eventually affirm their loser status, is will they be able to fill the ENORMOUS hole left in their lineup with the departure of Mark DeRosa? I wish I were kidding, but this guy was the glue that kept this doomed ship afloat. If Maniac Milton can pick up some of the offensive slack, and Fukudome can hit for longer than one month in a season, then the Cubs offense could be quite the force. Not a strong enough force to overcome their propensity for disappointment, but a force nonetheless. Either way, they run away with the division, and then lose again in the playoffs. This time... Let's say the NLCS.