Lisping Toward the Super Bowl

With Cole Hamels

Jeziz Chrisz, you guyzzz, can you believe that itzs Super Bowl time already?  I mean, I juszt feels like yeszterday when little white ballzs were flying toward my fazce... The horror!

j/k...

If I could be anyone bezsidezs a struggling major league pitcher, then I would abzsolutely be quarterbacking for the New Orleanzs Saintzs.

I mean, seriouzsly, you guyz!  How cool iz it that this onzce flooded city is now on the rise. Oh my god!  Did you just see what I did right there?  I feel like I'm getting wet juzst thinking about it.  Oopz...

But how can I not LOVE Peyton Manning, right, you guyzzz?  I mean, sure, he'z pasty white and kinda grozs, but I mean, haz there been a more dominant baller in the NFL?  Brady Shmady, I want Peyton to have my baby.  PS, Peytzy, I got something else for you to dominate if you're feeling up to it.  Don't be afraid to do new thingzs.  Now that that creep Dungy iz out of the way, we can finally be free with one another.

So... who'z gonna win thizs thing anyway?

Seriouzsly, you guyzs!  I have No. I. Dea... It's so hard, because both of thezse guyz are just so fuck- likable.  I mean, what'z not to love?  Meachem, Colzston, Waynezy, Frenchie, Dallizs... I mean theze guyz catch ballzs like no one I have ever seen and I've seen LOTZ of 'em... Trust me.  And they say Darren Sharper has a nozse for the ball... Well then what are you waiting for, darling?  I left my undies back at the hotel jizst to make sure scent would be... uninhibited.

Either way, I will be on the sidlinezs thankzs to my new beszt friend Reggie Bush.  Kim hooked us up and we've been inseparable ever sinzce.  And trust me, ladiezs, Bush ain't the right name for that jungle cat. But those bitch cheerleaderzs better not get in my way... Slutzs should think about yoga before viziting Dr. Plazstic out in the Hillz.

But, you guyz!

Seriouszly!

Jiszt 'cause I'll be watching from one sidelines duszn't mean that I'll be swinging one way or the other.  Besidez, we all know which way I swing anyway, and that'z with a winner... Whomever he may be.

Cheerzs, you guyzs!  And go NewIndOrelanApolis!  Hehe!