Undercover Lover

As in, there is "undercover" and then there is "Which way is up?"

Long before this little experiment was ever even considered, I had always had issues as a fan.  Mainly with other fans.  After being inspired as a young lad by experiences with Hockey East rivalries, squaring off in tiny arenas, too cold to sit in, and too noisy to remain quiet within, I had always hoped for the best out of a crowd.  After all, we're here to spectate and enjoy the presentation of entertainment, not to chit chat resting on our cellulite sofas.  I mean, we're supposed to be a part of the action, right?  We can impact the game, right?  At the very least, we can enhance the experience, no?  We're already somewhat invested, so why not go all the way, losing yourself in a symbiotic event?

They lose.  You lose.  They're still on the field.  You're still at the park.

Go on...

Performance Review

If I EVER showed up for a day of work and performed as mind-boggling, humiliatingly poorly as you did last night, my ass would be collecting food stamps for months. You could hear Chris Collinsworth fighting every urge to call it one of the worst coaching performances of all-time.

The red zone turnovers.

The lack of accountability by Jay Cutler. And the lack of any chemistry with any receiver. And the receivers lack of ability to finish a route.

The audacity to give your FUCKING LONG-SNAPPER the license to audible to a fake punt... On 4th and 11... In your own territory... In the 4th quarter... While winning.

Two lost challenges that resulted in two lost time-outs; one in 2 extra yards for the opponent, and the other NOT in a penalty that would not have resulted in a first down anyways.

Switching kick returners on the decisive 4th quarter KO after a time out, proving your consistent indecisiveness.

Letting Nathan Vasher anywhere near the field.

Ron Turner.

Instituting such a pussy-drenched, weaksauce training camp (WITHOUT TACKLING) that resulted in repeated broken tackles and injuries to 2 starting linebackers, 2 cornerbacks and a tight end. In the first half. Nice strength and conditioning program.

Whatever, I could go on and on. But that was an absolutely, fucktastically retahded, inept and embarrassing coaching performance. You fucking fail this week, Lovie. FAILURE. But, you're a players coach. And the Bears sure do attempt to strip the ball well.

Maybe that's how The Hurt 'Lacher broke his wrist...