God Damn It, UCONN

Would you please stop fucking this whole thing up? 

Seriously!

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Something New Every Day

Turns out that Tim Tebow is currently working with a few ex-NFL coaches in order to fine-tune his throwing mechanics and also learn how to come out of a 3 to 5 step drop.  Some may charge that this is pretty late in the game for such schooling.  Others that this is simply a reactionary move by the Tebow camp to silence critics in advance of the NFL Draft.  But either way, this isn't the first time we have seen such maneuvers, and we even have a few recent examples that will suggest that Tebow isn't the only one heading into The Show with a few inadequacies.

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Dear Football

It is with great concern and anguish that I posit the following question:

Is everything okay?

Go on...

Friday Bonebag

/Friday Shitbag

Bonebag:
Can you say "Draft Stock"?  Can you also say "Rising"?  While the Alabama O-line certainly deserves plenty of the credit, we are going to give it all to Mark Ingram instead.  Rushing for 116 yards on 22 carries, Mark Ingram gashed the stout Texas defensive line all night long.  And while the loss of Colt McCoy surely damaged not just the Texas offense, but the psyche of the entire team, there is little exuse for allowing 235 rushing yards in the biggest game of your lives.  Ingram's got both the power and speed to be successful in the NFL.  Let's hope he stays healthy... For his daddy.

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Ricky Stanzi Will Save the Motherf*cking Day.

Iowa quarterback and "Middle American" hero Ricky Stanzi had a helluva game last night in the Orange Bowl to lead the Hawkeyes to a win over Georgia Tech, and cost me $20 in the process. Who bets on an ACC team that runs the triple-wing option to not only win, but cover a 6 point spread? This asshole.

More importantly on a global scale, FoxSports talking head Chris Meyers teed up a patriotic softball for Stanzi on the field after the game, and Johnny Football ripped it out of the park.

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Dear Charlie Weis

We here at Weiss Guys Car Wash in Phoenix, Arizona have been closely following your struggles as well as your recent misfortune for some time now.  We have been always been loyal Notre Dame fans, as we originally hail from northern Illinois, just outside Rockford.  We just feel terrible about your most recent setback and well, we just wanted to be the first one to offer you a new and exciting opportunity with us down here in the valley.

Go on...

Now Deuce Can Die in Peace

For no longer is USC improperly rated above perennial powerhouses such as TCU, Boise St, and Cincinnati (or, the BIG 3).  However, they are still ranked above 1-loss Houston, which I'm sure Deucey will be raging against shortly.

The real fireworks will start once Alabama loses to Florida but is still ranked 3rd in front of all BIG 3 programs the following week.

No, Iowa is not part of the BIG 3 because they are already a part of the BIG 10 which sucks... Just like Iowa, who is only going to lose to Ohio St. in two weeks anyway.

Praise be to the BCS, who ALWAYS gets it right.

Dear SEC Officials,

On behalf of LSU football and all of our fans, we would like to thank you for the victory this past Saturday in Georgia.  The absurd, yet perfectly timed, unsportsmanlike conduct penalty assessed after Georgia scored a late, and possibly game-clinching touchdown, really helped us out.  For there was no chance that our ineffective offense would be able to move the ball more than 50 yards in less than a minute given the mediocrity of our passing game.

You first came to our overrated aid in the third quarter.  Georgia was systematically having their way with our soon-to-be-exposed defense and after firing their way into our red zone, you fine officials, in your infinite wisdom, decided to call a mystifying Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty which immediately pushed the Bulldogs back out of the red zone.  Unfortunately, Georgia had already figured out our defense at this point and scored an easy touchdown only moments later.  But, as always, it was the thought that counts.

And of course, you made it up to us anyway!  For how could the SEC and the NCAA both not see what was on the horizon?  A 4-1 LSU team against the undefeated Gators?  This makes not for compelling football! But, a 5-0 LSU ball club?  At home?  Against the National Champions?  This is something we can all make a little extra scratch off of!

So I say to you, noble officials: do not bow your heads in deserved shame for the obvious transgression against our unfortunate opponent.  They were a worthy sacrifice to the national televisions gods as well as to their sponsors.  A lightning strike touchdown against a top-ranked defense or not, their celebration could certainly be deemed excessive, at least in our humble opinion.  And apparently in your enlightened opinion as well!  And so once again, allow us to offer our sincerest gratitude to you and your families.  And even though we have every intention of getting stomped next weekend by a superior football program, we still appreciate the opportunity.

Deux Deux,

Coach Miles