Evolution of a Nickname

Y'all ready for some high science?  This is like working with mercury so take a big step back and strap on your protective eyewear.

Now, Ray Rice seemingly came out of nowhere this season.  Even the venerable Willie Shakes left this cat daddy off his list.  But this isn't about right or wrong, smooth or goofy, b. Lee or Deucey.  Instead, it's about who the fuck is gonna get this mother fucker a suitable nickname and right fucking now?

Oh, come on.  You know who.

Go on...

Introducing: Evolution of a Nickname

Dealing with some high science here as the image above suggests. However, as soon as the sheet ® drops this will become much more obvious. And before we begin, allow me to offer a demonstration:

Started off with a South Park episode...


Mr. Ginger


Then it evolved with a Flight of the Conchords episode...


Gingerballs


But due to irreconcilable gender differences (as well as another South Park episode)...


Ginger Minge


Then for the sake of brevity...


Ginge (Jin-Jeh)


And lastly to class things up a bit...


Le Ginge.

So it is fairly straightforward. It just takes time. Much like the former hunk of coal that hangs around the finger of your automaton of a companion.

But if we apply this same progression to the sports world we come to the case of one, Willie Parker

Affectionately referred to by his teammates as...


Fast Willie


But he's hurt all the time and thus earns the following moniker


Glass Willie


Yet, that does not really sound like an athlete does it?

Instead...

It sounds like a...


Dildo


Willie Parker is The Dildo.


Make sense? As you can see, season can't start soon enough, ladies and gents.