Know How I Know You're Guilty?

Because you just hired the guy that got the jury to believe that Ray Lewis wasn't a murderer...

Even though we all know he is.

Just substitute the word "murderer" for another negative descriptor and you get the picture. Even if that word is only "scumbag", because at the very least, there's no way Ben is ever sidestepping that categorization.

Welcome to Kobeland.

RIP Pittsburgh Steelers

Or rest uncomfortably and agitated, it doesn't really matter to me.

Go on...

Worst to First #1

The REGULAR season has begun and our collective semi-bone is creating a bulge that neither sandbags nor concrete dam could prevent from exploding in less than a month's time. With that said, allow us to stroke the fire, so to speak, and preview all 32 teams. Beginning with who we think will suck the most, and ending with who we think will suck the best.

b. Lee, FINISH HIM!!!

One. And Done.


And thank the good lord.

As you may have been able to deduce at this point, we believe that the Pittsburgh Steelers suck the best out of all 32 NFL teams.

And why is this? We're not really sure. I guess it's just because they were the last team standing in 2009.

But please do not take this prognostication as any kind of indicator that we think the Steelers are the best team in the league. I mean shit, did you watch that game last night? Willie Parker couldn't run his way through a wet paper bag... With this scissors in his hands. Big Ben looks old and gimpy, although still very, very clutch. Santonio, on the other hand, looks dynamite and the defense still looks to be pretty solid, so long as Polamalu is okay (although, it doesn't look like he is).

As everyone knows repeat performances are not easy, and we just do not see the Steelers being able to do so. The AFC is stronger than it was last year, even if only slightly. Without that home run threat in the backfield (no Mewelde Moore does not count as such), then the Steelers offense becomes very one-dimensional and very Ben-centered. There are worse scenarios that one can think of (see Stafford, Matthew), but there other, more high caliber scenarios as well (see Brady, Tom), which in the end are going to make things very difficult for the Steel City.

But fuck it, I'm done with this garbage, for the Season is upon us. So let's just see how it all shakes out shall we? Thanks for putting up with this for the last few weeks. We hope to mix in some non-football-related content soon enough, but we make no promises.

Speaking of which, is it hockey season yet?

Own Ya Instincts!

Ray, slow down a little please. I'm trying to enjoy this. I'm in the midst of probably the greatest stretches of my young career. Do you have any idea how much cabbage this series is gonna get me? Hey now chap, watch the teeth. Ahhhhhh, much better. Just take your time, and don't forget to tongue-slap the nuts every now and again. Mr. Calhoun would be extremely pleased, you've obviously acquired quite a talent at this over the years.

Oh, and Mr. Pierce? Please don't actually insert your tongue into my ass. Just a little rim play if you don't mind. Pun intended. And quit calling me Jason Terry.