Tiger-Style No Match for Beef Curtain Technique

When the focus of the tournament often veered toward whether or not Tiger Woods was a cocksucker worth rooting against or worth rooting for, Tiny Tits Phil kept us all interested in what was occurring on the course rather than what occurred in that porn star's boombox.

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Sex Tiger

Back on the prowl...

Mother fucker has been out of golf ever since he took a post-collision snooze at the corner of Filthy and Rich.  Yet, dude is still the ODDS ON favorite to win the most prestigious golf tournament evuh.

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Blogsturbation Monday

And the Big Four are Syracuse, Duke, Cornell, and Northern Iowa?  That's awfully white of this tournament.  Sure Kentucky has looked very solid in their first two games, but what do those first two games mean anyway?  Maybe we should ask Kansas... But in all honesty, we would have to say that Northern Iowa is the favorite against Sparty, no? I'm not sure I've seen a more confident team than the Panthers so far.  And without Lucas, how confident can Izzo's bunch really be?  That luck can only last so long.

As for FSD, our money is on Washington walking out of this thing cleaner than anyone else.

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For What Tiger Will Apologize...

No one knows for sure, but we have our suspicions and we're prepared to share them with one and all.

Here goes:

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Wife Shopping with Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods and agent Mark Steinberg discuss recent events while at lunch early Thursday afternoon.

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The Kick to the Balls that is Tiger Woods

Fuuuuuuuck...


God damn it, Tiger's coming back...

The economy is in shambles (although I AM a golfer, so) and I was just getting used to this whole 'not being embarrassed week in and week out,' thing. And now he comes back and brings all those old nightmares with him.

What's that Steve Williams? My bitch tits are what actually embarrass me? Hey man, lay off all right. Just because you have the best job in the world doesn't mean you get to insult me all the time. No, I am not jealous of you. Well fine, maybe a little, but so what? Your job is stress-free. You try not choking on the 18th hole in the presence of Tiger. I'm choking on what? Oh that's just disgusting.

Well, good talk, Steve, but I gotta go tell the wife that we won't be building that ski lodge in Aspen this summer, since Tiger's gonna be taking food LITERALLY off of my table. Now, what has my wife ever done to you? No, she's not as hot as Tiger's wife, but she is blond and beautiful all the same. She is NOT that old! How dare you. No you can't have her number. Now how on earth do you have it already? She GAVE it to you?!

God damn you, Tiger Woods. Why can't you just stay at home and make more babies for the rest of your life? I hardly think it is ANY of your business, Steve. Yes, they are ALL mine. Because I just know! No, I do not think that Amanda shares a resemblance with... Although her complexion is a little... No, that's not possible... Oh god, I'm gonna be sick.

/vomits

I hate my life.