Tiger-Style No Match for Beef Curtain Technique

When the focus of the tournament often veered toward whether or not Tiger Woods was a cocksucker worth rooting against or worth rooting for, Tiny Tits Phil kept us all interested in what was occurring on the course rather than what occurred in that porn star's boombox.

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Sex Tiger

Back on the prowl...

Mother fucker has been out of golf ever since he took a post-collision snooze at the corner of Filthy and Rich.  Yet, dude is still the ODDS ON favorite to win the most prestigious golf tournament evuh.

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Your Mandatory Pre-Fight Post

For the first time perhaps ever, Texas will be warmly welcoming the prospect of two illegal immigrants crossing their border for the primary purpose of pugilistic entertainment at Jerry World this weekend.  It's impossible to even consider this fight in lieu of the breakdown that occurred in negotiations between Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao.  In turn, it is also impossible to view Pacquiao's opponent this weekend, Joshua Clottey, as a mere substitute, and an insufficient one at that.

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En Route: Peacin'

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Better Know a Contender?

WHO YUH GOT?!?

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Short Track Speed Skating I Love You

But sooner or later you're going to have to face the fact that you're a god damned asshole.

You're like NASCAR, only not as prolonged.

You're like musical chairs only cooler (and only slightly).

You're like roller derby just with less teamwork (and again only slightly).

You're like regular speed skating only, you know, less athletic.

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Of All the Bad Ideas...

This is probably your worst.

Interminably bland, annoying, and excuse-oriented Olympic medalist to appear on interminably interminable, flip-flopping, uncomical clown's first annoying show back since killing the funny on NBC.

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Hi, I'm Bode Miller

These days, I keep my arms in the air like this now that I am a GOLD medalist.  It's pretty awesome and sure, they get a little tired, but the work doesn't stop when you get to the top of the mountain.  A lot of you probably know nothing about that.

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For What Tiger Will Apologize...

No one knows for sure, but we have our suspicions and we're prepared to share them with one and all.

Here goes:

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Better Know a Contender?

Who yuh got?!?

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Curling Prospect #4: Wally White

Sure, America is not known for its Curling prowess, but you heard it here first, folks: The eagle is on the rise. 

In fact, the US government has been secretly ciphering money off to the United States Curling Association (USCA) in hopes of developing some serious talent for the 2014 games in Russia, in order to show Svetlana and company that we're here to dominate all sports and not just the snowboard competition.

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Why Do We Fall?

To embarass ourselves and subsequently be removed from medal consideration, of course.

Yay!!!

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Where They Do Roll On Shabbos

So this actually exists?  Why I am surprised simply that their is no Philadelphia contingency considering that the birthplace of freedom, also happens to be the birthplace skee ball...

Surprised you didn't know that.

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JUST GIVE THEM THE BLOOD!

While making others bleed is something Manny Pacquiao takes pleasure in, giving up his own seems to make the elite boxer a little queasy.

Apparently due to suspicions arising from the Mayweather corner, the current contract stipulates that the two boxers must pass drug tests that are up to International Olympic Committee standards.  The tests, as a result, would be random and the fighter would have to pass tests possibly up until the last few days prior to the fight.

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On the Set of Invictus

Clint Eastwood brings in both Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman to read the script before shooting has even begun.  Morgan Freeman is solemn.  Matt Damon is confused.  Clint Eastwood is ornery.

CE: Okay fellas, let's run through this a little bit so we can all get comfortable with the subject matter.  Even today, the issue of Apartheid is still controversial and we need to respect the fact that the situation is tender within South Africa.  And we must also pay tribute to this fact.

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The Punisher

Sure, the Mayweather-Pacquiao news has dominated the boxing world over the last few weeks and with good reason.  However, for those fearful of life after THE fight, I present to your Paul "The Punisher" Williams.  You may not have heard of him, and with good reason.  He's a 6'2" monster with a 7-foot reach known for punching in bunches.  He just so happens to be the most feared fighter in the realm of Middleweights.  As a result, no one really wants to fight him.

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Wife Shopping with Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods and agent Mark Steinberg discuss recent events while at lunch early Thursday afternoon.

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FREEDOM!!!

The blackout is over now that I huddled over my 12 inch laptop and watched not NASCAR, as Deucemandzadeh noted, but the Pacquiao-Cotto fight from Saturday night.  The footage grainy and choppy, but the trend unmistakable.  And although the stoppage came at an odd time (probably should have been stopped after the 8th round rather than in the middle of the 12th), if Cotto didn't play keep away for the last 4 rounds, then a knockout would have been inevitable.

Of course, the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight seems to be the obvious next step, but for some reason, I just do not think that Mayweather is going to sign on.  Mayweather will probably take on someone like Mosley before he steps into the ring with Manny.  For one I am not that opposed to this, for living in a world where Pacquiao-Mayweather is a possibility is much better than living in a post-fight world where it already happened and is never to be again... Or something like that.  This Internet thing is obviously a little different than riding a bike.

Anyway, next big match is Williams-Pavlik.  This Paul Williams cat is a machine and should give Pavlik all that he can handle.  And hats off to Pavlik for even accepting the match.  Williams has been kryptonite throughout the boxing world, well, because he's awesome and boxers would rather avoid sure-shot losses. 

December 5th, y'all.

LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!

I CAN'T HEEEEAR YOOOOU!!!

To quote a somewhat entertaining, yet generally overrated show:

I'm going Nomad.

Sort of...

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Cubicle Confessions

So, I watched AMP Energy 500 race at Talladega SUPERspeedway this weekend.  And while the carnage during the Packer game was certainly ample, that which occurred down the stretch in Alabama was much more entertaining than that garbage in Lambeau.  Besides Talladega is known for being the fastest (closed) track in NASCAR and unlike most races, the checkered flag is up for grabs pretty much until the final lap.  Of course, watching at home, I have no appreciation for how fast these guys are going because there really is no frame of reference.  In football, I can look at the yard-markers and guesstimate a receiver's 40 from the comfort of my television.

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