THE SHEET®: Week 7

Holy Sheet?

Well gee whillikers it's been a sleepy week at FSD, now hasn't it?

I mean, the sports world has been abuzz with playoff baseball, meat-of-the-season NFL football, racially-charged hockey, our first BCS standings and both sexual and journalistic indiscretions. But The Delay? No, the Delay has been mired in weak, week-long attempt to speak (write?) without cursing, swearing, or referencing acts of a sexually pleasing nature in a manner demeaning to b. Lee's mother's various orifices.

No matter. As the gays are often prone to say, "it's not the journey, it's the destination." And so despite my personal posting boycott this week as a retaliation to this "No Swearing" edict from our great and spiteful deity of  Jah, we have arrived nonetheless; beaten, bruised, a little confused at the only destination FSD cares about...

Go on...

HEADLINES. . .!

Girardi:  I thought Burnett had another 2, maybe 3 innings left in him....


Fuentes:  Look, I'm gonna be honest here, A-Rod scares the hell outta me...


Manny:  What?  It was shower time for Manny...


Utley: Boo?  Fuck you...


Pedroia: How am I supposed to hit the ball when this field is in such disrepair...?


Tulowitzki: Hey, we were just happy to be here...


Mauer: Same time next year, Derek...?


Holliday: How can I be worried about making plays when I'm worried about who is going to overpay me next season...? 


McCellan:  I'm a huge, embarrassing failure 

Whoa! All Lollipops Are the Same?

Isn't a Chicago Red Hot easier to suck on...

 than a Red Hot Coal?  

Go on...

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Quarterback Ineptitude Edition!

Thursday, October 22nd

Bills Fact

At the time of Jim Kelly's retirement, only Fran Tarkenton, Dan Fouts, and Johnny Unitas among Hall of Fame quarterbacks had passed for more yardage, and only Tarkenton and Fouts had completed more passes. 

-- 

Bills fans are hopeful that current starter and professional journeyman Ryan Fitzpatrick can one day join Uncle Jim in the record books.  Unless of course former Bill and professional comedian JP Losman has anything to say about it.

And while we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids (and trivia!)... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad, sad franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

He Skates So Well!

Oh my... Look at him go.

Is he...?

Is he a...?

Is he a negro?

Go on...

Rock CriDick: Avett Brothers LIVE 10/18/09

Would you look at that?  Some more sports-music-polism (from here on known as Spomulism) synthesis courtesy of FSD.  You're welcome.

Anyway, Sunday night was one filled with expectation and excitement.  After all, the Patriots steam-rolled the Titans, the Jets lost, and Brothers Avett having just dropped one of the best albums of the year, goose-stepped on into town to serenade Boston's swirling mass of college students... Well, at least that is what I determined to be the case based upon crowd composition.

And boy were they excited.  There was a serious pulse to the room, as if the audience were one collective organism sharing in the revelry, while I on the other hand, played the role of invasive organism; benign at heart, but still clearly an outsider.   Neither drunk, nor giddy, nor young enough, I did the only thing I could do, politely sliding into the least crowded section of the packed house, Stage Left.

Go on...

THE SHEET®: Week 6 Results

WARNING: The contents of THE SHEET® Week 6 were compiled prior to Curse-Free Week and do not  qualify as new, crass material, nor as a violation of the rules of Curse-Free Week.

That being said, if it were not Curse-Free Week I would tear one Jables a new... a new... ONE!  After marring our previously immaculate sheet with gratuitous photo after tasteless, and oft quizzical image, he has the erectile audacity to take the win once again.  Now if that's not offensive behavior, then how can one be sure what truly is?

And by the way, it's must-win territory for Deuce and b. Lee for it is getting not only embarrassing, but costly. Deuce might have to pick up a few more night shifts down on Lower Buckeye to make up these costs.  b. Lee?  Don't worry about him.  He's very wealthy.

Le Ginge?  What about him?

Week siiiiiiicks

Rock CriDick: I and Love and You

The longer a band's run lasts, the easier it becomes for people to find faults with their approach.  The Avett Brothers began as a grungy folk band that, as a result of their instrumentation, veered inevitably off in the direction of bluegrass.  Song contents often dealing with lost love and the follies of youth, delivered with precociousness, but with a wisdom not expected from twenty-somethings.

On I and Love and You, we find a different approach; the banjo is now a piano, love lost has been traded in for eternal love discovered, loose meditations on life have now been replaced with concrete observations about the nature of existence in the modern world.  It's as if the boys have been kicked out of the house, and rather than continuing with a reliance on porous relationships and transient principles, the have opted for true bonds and steadfast principles.

Go on...

It's Curse-Free Week at FSD!

That's right, folks.  For the rest of the week, we are banning the use of profane language in our posts.

Why are we doing this? Consider it an exercise in expression, as well as a challenge to break our reliance on the naughty aspects of our language, in order to encourage creativity and inspire, ahm... Inspiration! So feel free to  give a short, sweet farewell to cocksuckers, fuckfaces, and shitbirds, for their time is, temporarily, at an end.  Bid a fond adieu to the cuntmuffins, open assholes, and dicksmokers of the world.  And of course, a hearty adios to the spicmicnighonkhoopleguineas that we hold so near and dear.

And so it goes, these are the last "ear muff"-requiring words you will read on this page for the next four days.  Should you suffer withdrawal symptoms, I ask you, kind army of commenters, to post your Tourette's-induced splurges at some other location.  However, if you would like to join us in this experiment, then by all means, please do so.

And so we're off,  flabby pussy flaps of the blogosphere.  Let's do this thing and  remember to keep it clean until the weekend.  Be bold and keep the cursing to inaudible tones and illiterate scribbles.  And I wish you good luck in this crusade.

Fuck.  This is gonna suck.