It Is Growing...

The list of idiots in Major League Baseball (that just so happen to be African American), that is.

Go on...

En Route: Parade Pissin'

Okay, Here's what YOU gotta know!

My name is Seamus O'Shanahanigan and I'm a fucking St. Paddy's Day All-Stahhh!  Nobody's mohre Irish than I am, no one Pahty's as hahd as I do, and I love myself a fucking parade.

Why? 

Tits, booze, and buds.  The best fuckin' buds in the world I might add.  Shohre, sometimes I gotta break a bottle or two ova theih heads, but we'rall bettuh friends fawrit aftuhwoods.

Hehe's what you do:  Get 64 beers for yuhself.  That's right, 2-thirty packs of somethin' strong and then yuh gotta finagle 4 mohre of those lite pieces of shit.  The lites ah fuh when those faggots come mahchin' down Broadway.  I hate those fuckin queehs, rubbin theih cocksuckin' noses in my face.Well, hehe you go homos: 4 gay beehs slung right into yuh gay faces.  Now, beat it!  And take yuh Obama neighbuh cahe, with yuh!

And that's pretty much it.  All you need is lots of beer, eyes to see tits with, and an irrational hatred of gays and dahkies.  Happy Paddy's Day folks!

What ah you lookin' at , yuh fackin loozuh?

• We're in complete agreement, Dan-O! (With Leather)
• I think I just heard a handful of youth soccer players scream in horror (The Big Lead)
• Well this should surely inject some excitement, eh? (SS Reporters)
• Oh, it's that time! (Name of the Year)

Green beeh is fuh gay queehs.

I'mpostor

Torii's comments are interesting for a number of reasons.  First off, what is he even thinking?  I mean, we all have our interesting thoughts, and maybe they even make sense in our heads, but anytime we attempt to explain them to others, they just never seem to come out properly.  Torii didn't mean to lampoon his Latin teammates or anything like that.  He was merely acknowledging a real difference between African Americans and Latin Americans, and one that exists beyond skin color.

Go on...

En Route: Dreamin'

Need I say more?  No.  But I am going to anyway.

I love this holiday.  Yes, the day off is nice.  Yes, often times my birthday falls over this long weekend, and how cool is that?  But more than anything it is just outstanding that our country has a federal holiday devoted to a minority.  To frame this man in such general, even callous terms borders on the vulgar, but come on, did you forget where you were?

Martin Luther King, Jr. is easily one of my top 5 most essential historical figures.  I mean, he's right up there with Chris Farley and the guy that invented Kraft Singles.  We're talking big time here.  He arguably did more for this country than any non-President, perhaps with the exception of Benjamin Franklin, who has basically earned honorary President status given his appearance on our currency.  And perhaps most importantly, his actions fit right in line with FSD's core ideal:  namely, that it doesn't matter if your statements will be considered controversial, unpopular, or even foolish, just say it, that is, if you truly mean it.

And do you even know how much tale this cat pulled down?  By day, he was a blunt instrument of equality, tearing down every official racial barrier that stood in our nation's way.  By night, he was a ladies' man, fucking everything and anything that moved.  If you suddenly feel as if you're not doing enough with your life, well, you're probably right.  So don't fight it.  But, while you're thinking over your next life maneuver, take a break with some of this choice e-literature:

• Hockey and football, united in perfect harmony... /sniffles (Melt Your Face Off)
• You can take the Tiger out of golf, but you can't take the... Tiger out of golf? (The Sportress)
• Too bad Gil wasn't aware of such services (Food Court Lunch)
  
• And it is good to see the spirit of MLK still alive and well.  Ahem. (Style Points)

MLK weekend y'all.  Let freedom ring from couch to comfy recliner.

Basketball Jesus... Black?

Most Boston Celtics fans, as well as fans of the NBA, have always assumed that Larry Bird was a white man.  But a recent article from Sports Illustrated.com casts doubt upon this widespread presupposition.

That Hansbrough was drafted by Bird, who was rumored to be white during his playing career, only furthered the stereotype. The widespread assumption was that Bird didn't make a color-blind selection. The truth was that Bird not only recognized the athletic qualities that some others missed, but he also saw someone who brings the same work ethic and self-discipline that he once brought to the Celtics, and Miller once brought to the Pacers.

Go on...

He Skates So Well!

Oh my... Look at him go.

Is he...?

Is he a...?

Is he a negro?

Go on...

The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

As if it were possible for the Miami Dolphins to get any softer/more difficult to take seriously. It just happened...

Gloria Estefan recently purchased a stake in the Miami Dolphins ensuring positive support from middle-aged white men looking for some additional spice in their lives, but negative gains from those who prefer balls with their sports. According to sources, the Dolphins are looking to make gains in the vast Hispanic demographic in Miami-Dade area and believe that the Miami Sound Machine could facilitate some headway... If this were 1985.

And if Dolphins management is looking to make some real, positive gains into the Hispanic community, maybe it's the vaginal mascot that is the real issue. It lacks the necessary machismo that your target audience appreciates.


So, we here at FSD have come up with with a few suggestions for new team names:

The Defectors

The Mojitors

The Vices

The Pride (No, not like the Lion... Like the Gay)

The Rubber Rafters

The Parrotheads

Heat Nuggets (Cross-promotional opportunity! Synergy!)

The Jaywalkers

The Castrators (Better than Castro's Ballbag)

The Sound Machine

Ponder this??? Whose musical crimes are more egregious; Gloria Estefan's or Jimmy Buffett's?

Follow-up question; is it better to burn out or to continue making shitty music for all of my aunts and uncles to enjoy at sold out stadiums each and every fucking summer?

GO AWAY!

Happy Baby Mama Day Y'all

Now I know it's a little late. I know this. But usually I'm always on time. I come at just the right time. I've had a lot of practice and I pride myself on bein' a professional. It's the girls that always be late.

Late as in...

"It's late. Can I just sleep here tonight?"

"My period is late."

"Lately, my mood is just up and down cause you got me pregnant."

Just the other day, the judge tol' me that I was late. I said, "Late for what?" He said, "On yuh chile support." I said, "Hell naw. I just ain't payin."

But anyway, I never understood "Mama Day", cause I mean, without daddy, they ain't no mamas. And without people like myself, well, let's just say their would be a whole lot fewer mamas out there that be celebratin' today. So from now on, I don't celebrate Mama Day. I mean, I love my mama, but does she really deserve her own day? I just don't know about that.

So from now on, I don't call it Mama Day. I call it "Daddy Day". And in honor of this day, I gotta go get my celebration on. Here's a few condoms for yourself, I ain't gon be needin em where I'm goin...

Favorite Holidays with Josh Howard

What up citizens of the racist union we call America? Thanks for joining me in my luxury home theater. Shit is sweet, right? What a day to be inside, no doubt. Weather outside is a frightful 82 degrees, birds are chirping, 5-0 sirens be blarin'. Can't be getting caught up in all the drama that Mama Earf be tossin' at me... 'Specially not on a day like today. After all, it's Earf Day y'all!

White people always be telling me to respect the invi'ment. I tell them, "I do!" Anytime I get up inside my Escalade, to drive over to Sweet P's spot, I just can't help but think all that the Earf has given me and all that I give back to her. And then after I leave to head back home, after I enjoy the magic herbs that the Earf has provided to me, I get home, and drop some heat in the toy'lit. I mean shit, shit is what makes plants grow ain't it?! So you see, I give BACK to Mama Earf, each and e'rytime she give me what I need... Weed. Cause weed is from the Earf! God put that shit here for me... And for you!

So enjoy it y'all. Like my man Meth said, "Roll that shit. Light that shit. Smoke it." After all, Mama would never hurt her babies, and e'ry time you flush the toilet, you returnin the favor. So think GREEN e'rybody! After all, it's Earf Day Y'all.

El NBA Cares

... About Mexicans.

The financial disaster that is the NBA continues to look for new and exciting ways to increase their fanbase. Their latest effort to invigorate ticket sales targets the rapidly growing Hispanic demographic in the United States. Let's take a look at some of the ideas that the NBA has considered employing in the face of these uncertain times:

Official Press Release:

With the influx of illegal immigrants streaming across our borders... We mean, of Hispanic Americans who have become NBA fans over the last few years, the NBA feels that it is important to inject some "Latino culture" into our beloved sport every now and again. Therefore, we have decided to unveil our "Spanish Initiative" during the marquee, Texas-sized match up between the Dallas Mavericks and San Antonio Spurs.

- During the game each fan that is unable to prove their United States citizenship will receive an inflatable raft which they can use either to cross back and forth across "El" Rio Grande, or send it back home to Mexico in order to transport their relatives across said river... Excuse us, RIO!

- During the game each fan will receive a voucher for one free taco courtesy of Taco Bell, because Mexicans just love those tacos from Mexico's official restaurant!

- Compasses will be handed out to all attendees that appear to be a bit more "tan" than the average American. These compasses can be used to navigate your way back to your shanty, and/or can help your soon-to-be illegal relatives cross the Sonoran Desert into the USA!

- Spanish to English dictionaries will be provided to any non-native English speaker in hopes that we can help our clogged schools and over-worked educators recover from the burgeoning ESS requirements that have riddled and single-handedly paralyzed our education system.

- For one night only, referees will be making all foul calls in Spanish!

- Bull fighting at half time!

- Free wheel spinners for any and all attendees who are at minimum 5% Hispanic! They look great on any shitbox Toyota!

- While some home teams choose to play music during their offensive possessions, the NBA has decided that it will blast repetitive Ranchero music throughout the course of the ENTIRE Spurs-Mavs match up in honor of Hispanic brethren's poor taste in music.

Oh fuck it...

- The NBA has decided to add the great Spanish word "LOS" to both participating team's jerseys in honor Old West shoot-out!


It's gonna be so great, you might even forget about the Alamo and all it symbolizes to your colonized territories! We're kidding, of course.


THE NBA CARES!