Showing posts with label fantasy is almost here. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fantasy is almost here. Show all posts

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dear Mr. Fantasy,


Give us a clue...
Something - that makes us look witty



Does your fantasy team suck? Probably?

Does your fantasy team name suck? Probably?

Well, we can't do anything about your first problem, but we can sure as shit do something about the second!  Introducing,

FSD's 2010 Fantasy Baseball Better Than Your Current Name-Drop!


Monday, August 17, 2009

Willie Shakes: Fantasy Laureate

We embrace the world of fantasy sports here at FSD, much like we embrace porn. But given our track record, in fantasy football and not in the sack, we are in no position to give any sound advice on how you should approach your individual drafts. Therefore, we sought out the services of one Willie Shakes, who is going position by position, again, for fantasy football, not the sack, so that you know who to snag, and who to avoid. But Willie is a cultured lad who prefers to avoid using polarizing terms such as Love and Hate. Instead, well, you'll see...

Do it to us, Bill!


Wide Receivers

Prefer:

This year is the year of the 1st Round WR. Larry (we're on a first name basis) was a standout last year and is worthy of first round pick status. I'd also put Andre Johnson in my top ten without hesitation. Watch out, because everyone seems to be feeling this way, and WRs might run off the board incredibly fast.

For my first few selections, there is little need for supportive stats....

Larry: I'd consider taking him at pick 6 or lower in my first round. An absolute beast, with two other dangerous WRs around him, there just aren't enough DB's to cover them all. One guy who's worth the hype. Seven 100+ yard games, 12 double digit point weeks.

The Johnson: If Fitzgerald is gone, The Johnson is the pick. If your not in the top 5, get one of these guys and be happy with your first round. Eight 100+ yard games, eleven double digit point weeks.

If somehow you get a chance to land both of these guys, then DO NOT hesitate. (A 10th and 11th pick I'd dream about...and wake up wet)

Also don't think twice about The Ancient Chinese Secret, Mossfro or Rowdy Roddy in the second/third round. Yes... Roddy White...Seven 100 yard games, nine double digit point weeks last year. Go back and check out the two years before that too....quietly a solid #1 receiver and a great #2. This is the year of the WR. (Get two with your first three picks if these guys are out there).

And now for the less obvious...

E Roy: I'm high on Romo (and PCP) and it's mostly due to the potential Roy'myboy has. He will avoid double coverage due to the wealth of 8 man fronts the boys will see this year. Mark it down...top 5 #'s for WR this year.....IF Romo stays healthy.

White Walter: 8 Td's and 6 double digit point games last year. Johnson draws a lot of attention, and Walter doesn't miss opportunities. Top five in redzone targets last year, look for Walter in the 8th round or later for great value.

Hester Skester: If you read my QB edition of Love/Hate, I pointed out a few things about Hester.

1. He has great hair.

2. He more than doubled his receptions in his first three years (20) with his 51 receptions last year.

3. Kyle Orton was his QB.

4. Jay Cutler is now his QB.

Look for Hester to have a surprise year, I'm talking 70 catches....and predicting 85. Try overthrowing this guy, Mr. Cutler you shaggy dog you....

Ginn Jr...haha, no. But, Percy Harvin: Is lighting up Vikings camp to the tune of "nearly un-coverable". According to the scouts (I haven't seen him personally, but have been looking for him on twitter), the most impressive thing about Harvin is his explosive route running. In any league that gives points to players for return yards take a shot at this guy. Not to mention Childress has already talked about getting him the ball from different areas on the field much like they did at Florida.

DISCLAIMER: Florida WR's suck. Reggie Bush type players suck. BUT, what if??? I guess that's why we keep going back to these guys year after year. If he's there in the 11th or 12th I think he's mine....in the 14th, he's on my team no doubt.

A quick note on the Best Player in last year's NFL Draft:

Crabby Patty: He'll likely get drafted in the 7th or 8th round by someone in your draft, (currently going 108 on ESPN). The guy is huge and has tons of talent. If I can scoop him late, I do, but not until after the tenth. Who is throwing him the ball? Tiny hands Alex Smith? Or that fat looking white guy? I have noticed that he's on most of my Mock Draft boards, but I'm a sucker for that kind of young talent... Ahem.

Keep your eye on the waiver wire for these 2 guys...

The Other Steve Smith: There is a big hole to fill in NY, and something tells me Smith's 6-7 catch a game avg, will turn into 9-12 a game. Could be a fill in 3rd option in your Yahoo leagues.

Juaquin Iglesias: I know, another rookie WR....But with Hester, Olsen and Forte taking pressure off of Cutler, Iglesias in the slot could be a dominant force. Write that down.

Disfavor:

Bowe, yo: He plays in KC, he's their only real threat, and he's got a new QB learning a new system. Also, a lack of Gonzo to garner attention from safety's provides more double coverage for. Don't pass on Colston, Boldin, or TO... I'd even say Welker, and definitely Roy Will before Bowe. Too much uncertainty in KC. Not to mention only two 100 yard games last year.

Marshall Law: Loved Marshall last year.... Now that Orton is in town.... Not so much. New system and a disgruntled prima donna receiver = sinking numbers. I wouldn't bet my house on it (I am a gambler at heart), but I'm staying clear of Marshall for a safer pick here.

Stonehands: He spent too much time last year hocking 5 hour energy (all the energy, without the crash) and proceeded to drop every ball in sight. While his upside could be huge? (I think? he had a great year one time right?) The QB carousel, and his severe case of the drops leaves Braylon off my team.

--

Thanks, Bill. Now, where do you think you are going? To get food? Nah, friend. I'm going to need some notes on running backs and very soon. Drafts are right around the corner. Mel Kiper goes 3 months without food. All I'm asking for is 2 weeks from you. Now, hop to it!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Willie Shakes: Fantasy Laureate

We embrace the world of fantasy sports here at FSD, much like we embrace porn. But given our track record, in fantasy football and not in the sack, we are in no position to give any sound advice on how you should approach your individual drafts. Therefore, we sought out the services of one Willie Shakes, who is going position by position, again, for fantasy football, not the sack, so that you know who to snag, and who to avoid. But Willie is a cultured lad who prefers to avoid using polarizing terms such as Love and Hate. Instead, well, you'll see...

Do it to us, Bill!



Quarterbacks

Prefer:

Mcflab: Eagles had a very strong draft, pairing last year's rookie Desean Jackson with the burner Maclin out of Mizzou. They also drafted a young RB out of Pitt, in Mccoy, who will make an instant impact. What this means for Mcnabb is targets, and that he's got more of them, making him more valuable. In the past three seasons Mcnabb has averaged 1975 yards, 10 td's and 3 int's in the first 7 games of each season. Not spectacular but, over that same span, the number one rated qb on many boards this year (Drew Brees) averaged 2060 yards, 12 td and 8 int's. Not much different than a guy you can grab in the 6 or 7th round. One thing to remember for Mcnabb is his injury issues, which is why you should back him up with something decent (Say, Michael Vick?), and look to deal Mcnabb at his highest value, somewhere around week 6 depending on how your team looks.

Talented Mr. Romo: His production would make him a second round QB, while his distractions and inability to get it done in December leave him hanging in the green room until at least round 4 (ESPN avg pic 45). Romo loses TO (just over 30% of his passes were targeted for him last year) but gains an entire offseason of work with Roy E. Williams, and his dynamic TE duo of Witten/Bennett. The bottom line is the Cowboys offense still has a solid O line, a monster backfield, a double shot of pass catching TE's and oh...Roy Williams. The numbers will be there, because the offense will be balanced. Romo far exceeds his 4th round billing.

C Bomb: New team? Yes but that isn't necessarily a downside. Take, for example, the fact that the Bears run a similar offensive scheme to Vanderbilt, Jay's college of choice. Familiarity with the offensive scheme means less of a drop off in consistency. His receivers consist of Devin Hester and Rashied Davis. Hester is becoming an increasingly more valuable WR option, he's got blazing speed and catches fairly well. In his first 3 years in the league Hester had 20 receptions. Last year alone he reached 51, with Kyle Orton throwing him the ball. Cutler's tandom of TE's Clark and the emerging Greg Olsen provide red zone targets. Having a first round fantasy back that catches the ball (63 receptions for 477 yards) helps too. Cutler's numbers make waiting on a QB a better option.

I'm working to have one of those three guys on my Squad, with Romo currently going around 45th, Mcnabb 57th, and Cutler 71st. On an ideal team I get Romo or Mcnabb and scoop Cutler in the 7th, likely making my 5th and 7th, or 6th and 7th pick's qbs. (Due to the depth at TE, I don't have to pick one up until the 9th or 10th, providing me the ability to draft like this, but more on that later.)

Disfavor:

Disclaimer: Unless otherwise mentioned, I don't actually think these guys will have a bad year, I simply feel their value at the position you'd have to take them (in order to get them) simply doesn't match that of other position players in the same spot.

Tommy Touchdown: I'm not a Pats fan, but I love Brady, the way he plays the position is nearly perfect all around. That being said, he's coming off a terrible injury, with a guy who's never been injured (missed multiple games due to injury). He missed an entire year of football. He's still on a great team, with a great WR duo, and a coach who will throw 45 times a game without blinking. I'd still put him on the board for 4k and 30 Td's, IF he's actually 100% healthy. Is he 100%? when the proverbial bullets start flying, will he be the ice in the veins Brady he was? Eh..probably, but he isn't worth the risk with your first round, or second round pick. Those picks need production, they have to be in your lineup every week and I'm not convinced Tom is 100% back.

Ps. If he's there in the third round, I pull the trigger, and blow up my entire draft strategy cause he's gorgeous and so is his wife, I'd fuck em' both and tape it. (entirely un-gay)

ManMeat: Bad Knee, weak/hurt O line, new coaching staff, Sprint commercials...I'm staying away from Peyton. To many if's, and remember how badly he suffered at the beginning of last season with a gimpy knee and a shuffling O-Line. Likely still very productive, but at the pick 17 avg he's going....I'll take Barber/Portis/Calvin Johnson/Moss in a heartbeat over Peyton.

Schaub Bluth: Going around pick 65, you may be in a Shaub mood for a 6th round QB. I say stay away. The guy simply cannot stay healthy 22-32 possible starts in his two seasons at Houston. Andre Johnson, Kevin Walter and Slaton make him an appealing choice, but not as my starter, give me Culter here all day.

Vanilla Ice: Matty Heisman's got ice water in his veins, and coaches say he has that "It" factor (nobody can define the "it" factor, it's just "It"). That doesn't mean anything in fantasy football. In a game all about numbers, Ryan is going 20 slots higher than Mr. Cutler (who has a sick haircut). Looking at last years numbers, Ryan, as a rookie, put up double digit fantasy points in 10 games, with three games of 10 or 12 and one over 20. Mr. Cutler (did I say he was going pick 71?) put up double digit points in all but three games, including 5 games over 20 (and three of 30,27,29). Ryan is going to high... Too high.

Inconclusive:

Big Chief Cassel: I'm on the fence, mostly due to a lack of valuable games to assess his long term abilities, coupled with the fact that KC blows. D. Bowe is nasty, and uh....is Dante Hall still there? No? I just can't say that LJ will show up, or that KC will run the ball with any sort of consistency. I've seen over the years that coaches in NE are a cut above, and I am not sure Cassel wasn't just part of a superior passing system. I'm staying away, the departure of Gonzo, a sub par D and O-line make KC a sinkhole for talent.

---

Thanks, Bill. Now get back into your cage, I mean study, and get us some Wide Receiver advice. I got drafts lining up around the block and they don't intend to wait around for much longer.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Dear Mr. Fantasy,

Give us some sweet, hilarious, crude names to use in our Yahoo! Fantasy baseball leagues...

You got it, children!

  • Gun Showalter
  • Sexson Drugs
  • Honey Nut Ichiros (D Friv)
  • Lincecum Lately
  • Lincecum Quickly
  • Tower of Mauer
  • Young Sonnanstine
  • Joba the Hut
  • Schilling Me Softly (D Friv)
  • Soto Popinski
  • Sugar Freel
  • Freel Willy
  • Ugglasfuck
  • Theriot Squad
  • Sucart Escort Service
  • Optimus Primobalan
  • The Huff Brets
  • Wake n’ Bakefield
  • Matsuicide Squeeze
  • Rolen Doobies
  • Wells’ Bells
  • onehitters
  • Francouerphobia
  • Guns Gibbons
  • Rocky Poppin Cherries
  • Rocky Cherry-Poppin
  • Wily Mo Hum
  • Buehrle Legal
  • Free Garko
  • Pronk’s Adventures
  • Gold Bonderman
  • Bondermania
  • Brandon’s Minge
  • Ingevitis
  • Roid Papi
  • Chuck Kockblauch (D Friv)
  • Catcher in the eye
  • Pitcher w/ a glass cock
  • Field of Creams
  • Papi Razzi
  • J Bay City Rollers
  • Life Begins at the Hawpe
  • Dempster Butt
  • Funky Cold Mussinas (D Friv)
  • Rocket's Juice
  • Harden Fast
  • A League of their Moan
  • Salsa Valverde
  • Hampton's Millions
  • Grandpa Tejada
  • Los Leethal
  • Hunter Pence None the Richer
  • Maholm Schooled
  • Snell that Snell
  • Snell the Roses
  • Doumit to me
  • Laroche Clips
  • DiFelice Brothers
  • Looper Fiasco
  • Parra Balls
  • Llamado Gallardo
  • My Two Vlads
  • Vlad Men
  • Upper Cust
  • Iwo Johjima
  • Helton Skelton
  • Billingsley Softly
  • Loney Tunes
  • Furcalifornication
  • Barrels of Ethier
  • Prior's Pussy
  • Prolonging Prior
  • Sacrifice Cunt
  • Matt CoCain Train
  • Emansky's Essentials
  • Penny's Arcade
  • Lugo Away
  • Indebted to Dykstra
  • Potluck Kruk
  • Rape, Rob, and Milledge
  • Boofballs
  • Hawped up
  • Papi Seeds
  • Petitte Coat Junction
  • Marcum Zero
  • Hits from the Wang
  • Milledgedly
  • Nerf Turnbow and Arrow
  • Strawberry's Septum
  • Oil Can Roid
  • Roids cause Rrhoids
  • Bonds on Bonds on Roids
  • Cocks and Bonds
  • Millionaire Welfare
  • Madonna's Migrants
  • 9 More Years
  • Karma Suture
  • Curse of the Giambino
  • Pavano's Ponsi Scheme
  • Silent Bunt Deadly
  • Manny Packs
  • Swingin Nix
  • Paranoid A-Roid
  • Ethier Binge
  • Explosive Renteria
  • Melky White Substances
  • None Loiaza
  • Bonser Scheme
  • Mike Lamb Chops Play-a-Long
  • Field of Wet Dreams
  • Olney the Strong
Special thanks to my man, D. Friv for making a guest appearance and helping us out.

My personal favorites are Nerf Turnbow and Arrow, Iwo Johjima, and Ugglasfuck, but only because I'm a big fan of children's toys, atrocities, and cursing. Feel free to throw any others you can think of into the comments section. Fantasy!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I See Ball People...

So, there's something to be said for the start of spring training. There's something to be said for the hope it inspires; warm weather is on the way, cook outs, something to watch on television EVERY night that isn't on Cinemax after 11pm, and of course, fantasy baseball.

What is not to be said about spring training, is that baseball is back. Baseball is not back. Yes, people are playing catch, swinging bats, and adjusting their wedding tackle, but this is like me sticking feathers up my butt, and then clucking like a chicken...

Quick name the most exciting thing from Spring Training last year... If you said the melee between the Yankees and the G Rays, then you would be correct? So, if Spring Training really were a good indicator of things to come, then these two teams should have been at each other's throats throughout the season, right? Oh, but wasn't it the Red Sox that were brawling with the G Rays come mid-season?

My point is that the only thing "important" about Spring Training last season was the people that got injured (Boof Bonser is already down! Just give up now, Twins!) and the people that fought. Last year, Lastings Milledge had a HUGE spring. Then he went on to bat .268 in the regular season. So, how good someone performs in Spring Training does not really mean anything (except that maybe you draft them in the 9th round of your fantasy draft instead of Xavier Nady, only to drop them 5 weeks later... When Xavier Nady has already been gobbled up).


Really what I am getting at here is that the next time I am at a bar and some baseball "fan" refuses to change the station from the Red Sox-Twins split squad showdown live from Ft. Alzheimer's, to college basketball, I reserve the right not only to smash his face, but also the right to smash the brand new LCD television that is airing said snoozefest (If you are not going to use it right, then you shouldn't be using it at all). Dude, you're not missing anything. Oh and there will be 162 other games this season that you can feast upon all while trying to figure out the philosophical virtues of "small ball." This will also be the same guy who refuses to watch pre-season football because it's... "boring." You're right, I don't see a contradiction either.

No matter the the competition, if a game or match is being broadcasted and the result actually matters, then you should always take that over the alternative. This is the point of sport. It's not to have fun, it's to have a result. I sure as shit didn't hang onto my Pre-SAT scores, just like I sure as shit am not going to harp on Ian Kinsler's .250 pre-season batting average. Because it doesn't mean anything and your ability to enjoy the arbitrary ends when fate is at stake and we happen to be sharing a bar top. Good day!