Hiatus Greatest Hits #1

While we are off being uncreative and uninspired (like most musical acts after a two to three album run), please take some time to revisit some of our past posts which are sure to enlighten, amuse, or annoy just as much, if not even more than they did the first time.

In other words, allow us to reintroduce you to... us.
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Originally published June 16, 2009-

DOIN' WORK

This winter, the blogger known only as "Deuce" allowed us unprecedented access to his most sacred activity. We have been granted the ability to film, record audio, and observe while he engages in the activity that he does best. Namely, droppin' deuce.

He told us in advance that the best time to gather the footage would be in the early evening after he got out of work, most likely on a Wednesday, since Wednesday's were taco salad days at his place of employment, and he never misses a taco salad day.

Deuce enters the bathroom. We have 3 cameras, two boom mics, and a crew of 6 in the bathroom with him.

Oops. Excuse me, guys. I better saddle up quickly. Got a turtlehead poppin' out.

Oh shit. This is gonna be for real, guys. You picked an extra special day. I just hope you can withstand the assault. This may take a while.

/farts

I don't dwell on the days that I don't write... I'm an optimist. I figure if I don't write one day, then I'll write the next. If I don't write that next day then I'll probably write on the third day, and if I don't write on the third day, then I'll definitely write on the fourth day... Maybe.

/plop

People are always accusing me of not finishing, or fulfilling my duties. Like that fucker, b. Lee. Always giving me shit. But wait until I'm done with this masterpiece. No one will be able to accuse me of that once this little documentary hits the market.

Hey could you hand me that bong? Yeah, I always keep one in here just in case I don't make it to the bedroom before the deed needs doin'. Always packed. Plus, it makes it smell a little better in here, and I'm sure y'all can appreciate that.

/inhales

Wanna poke?

/exhales

/squirting noise

Oh man. I do apologize.

b. Lee is always saying, "Deuce you gotta write more." Or, "I'm gonna need that preview on the NL West by tomorrow." Or, "Put the bong down and pull the dick out of your ass." But, I'm like, shit, "I do what I want." And do you even see a dick in my ass? I mean, seriously. Take a look. No? All right, suit yourself. But, how could I even be dropping all this product into the bowl with something like that in my ass? Maybe if it were b. Lee's tiny, Irish cock... THEN, it would be possible.

/squeaking sound?

Oh god. Almost there guys. Are you getting good footage? Good... No one should miss this shit. I ain't much for making plays on the field or excelling in the classroom, but I will dominate a toilet. Kobe ain't got shit on me in that regard.

Typically, I like to concentrate when I'm in here. Can't say that all this attention hasn't affected my performance, but I'm a professional so, it ain't no thang. I think you will all be pleased with the result.

/stands and looks down

WooooooWee!

/grabs a few handfuls of TP

/reaches around and wipes

So what's on the horizon for myself? I don't know. Maybe some television, and probably a little bit of chorizo soup.

Oh, you meant in terms of blogging? Haha. Yeah, well I'm working on some bullshit, but I don't know if it will get done or not. I'm sure b. Lee will be jumping up my ass about it, but I'll make sure that I'm unwiped when the time comes.

Thanks, guys. Good luck with the editing and all that. Make me look good, Spike.

Take 'er easy.

/opens door

/toilet has not been flushed

Someone else will take care of it. I never throw away what I've created!

Special advanced footage from the upcoming documentary Deuce: Doin' Work: