En Route: Peacin'

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HEADLINES. . . !

Allen Iverson can no longer be bothered with games, in addition to practice...


Canadian women's hockey team looking for nice, classy evening on the town...


NBC's 'Parenthood' an original, refreshing comedy about a 'Modern Family'...


Oakland Raiders terribly confused about the source of their misfortunes...


Russia blames refs for uncontroversial loss to Canada in hockey...


John Wall would like to give early 'Thank You' to person that took his SATs...


Olympics an exciting opportunity for nations to share, compare exotic strains of herpes, other STDs...


Curling somehow drawing worse ratings than regularly scheduled CNBC programming...


Tim Tebow also just learning how to read...


Mancuso is Hotter...

Got Any Gum?

Bubble gum, that is.

Over the next few weeks as we march toward... March... Madness (damn it) we will be reviewing and evaluating some potential suitors for miss Cinderella's big ol' ball.  Which teams will make it, which teams will not, which teams give Doug Gottlieb the biggest boner, it's all here, folks!  And away we go:

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Better Know a Contender?

WHO YUH GOT?!?

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Short Track Speed Skating I Love You

But sooner or later you're going to have to face the fact that you're a god damned asshole.

You're like NASCAR, only not as prolonged.

You're like musical chairs only cooler (and only slightly).

You're like roller derby just with less teamwork (and again only slightly).

You're like regular speed skating only, you know, less athletic.

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Oh. Snap.

Thanks to the Sportress for the tip.

Gold Medal Round: Canada vs. Russia

The Dream Game is finally upon us, folks and not a moment too soon.  The two hands down, best teams on the international circuit will clash this evening for the Gold medal and it should be...

What's that?  We're not in the medal round yet?  Are you sure?  Well, what round are we in?  THE QUARTERFINALS?!?

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God Damn It, UCONN

Would you please stop fucking this whole thing up? 

Seriously!

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Of All the Bad Ideas...

This is probably your worst.

Interminably bland, annoying, and excuse-oriented Olympic medalist to appear on interminably interminable, flip-flopping, uncomical clown's first annoying show back since killing the funny on NBC.

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Something New Every Day

Turns out that Tim Tebow is currently working with a few ex-NFL coaches in order to fine-tune his throwing mechanics and also learn how to come out of a 3 to 5 step drop.  Some may charge that this is pretty late in the game for such schooling.  Others that this is simply a reactionary move by the Tebow camp to silence critics in advance of the NFL Draft.  But either way, this isn't the first time we have seen such maneuvers, and we even have a few recent examples that will suggest that Tebow isn't the only one heading into The Show with a few inadequacies.

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Hi, I'm Bode Miller

These days, I keep my arms in the air like this now that I am a GOLD medalist.  It's pretty awesome and sure, they get a little tired, but the work doesn't stop when you get to the top of the mountain.  A lot of you probably know nothing about that.

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En Route: Standin'

So apparently lent is upon us or something, which is when this tax-free corporation peddling in fluff and assumption tries to make us give something or somethings up for 40 days in honor of sacrifice.  As in like, Oh my god, I don't know how I'm gonna go without french fries for the next 6 weeks.  Or like, man, not masturbating is gonna be tough, so I'm just gonna go out and get drunk and masturbate into someone's vagina/anus.  You know, the typical stuff.

Well tell you what, oh ye of questionable faith, there was once this great man whose name also began with a J.  He suffered greatly before his death but was none for doing great things before he died, most notably, winning a National Championship for a shitty southern school on the East Coast.  And before he died, he wanted to get his message across, namely that you need to live live to its fullest potential.  By soaking up and experiencing everything about it.  The pain, the joy, the details, your smallest day-to-day relationships, the sexually transmitted diseases, the meat on Fridays, hell, the meat at Friday's.  And while I cannot fully endorse that final proclamation, who am I to say otherwise?  But most importantly, this man provided us all a philosophy to which I stand by to this very day.  Namely, never give up.

Fucking EVER.

Alcohol?  Never.  Drugs?  Never.  Big Macs?  NEVER!  Masturbation?  Never ever... YOU HEAR ME?!?

Still not convinced?  Fine, I will give up something then.  For Lent, I'm giving up Lent.  Now back the fuck up and give me that filet.  I don't care what the day says.

Other things that should not be given up:

• Making completely inappropriate comments about co-workers (The Big Lead)
• Being really, really... REALLY creepy (The Sportress)
• Being bipolar?  And/or lying about being bipolar? (Free Darko)
• And of course, making terrible decisions (Zoner Sports)

Hey, that last one looked familiar...

Don't you go changin'!

For What Tiger Will Apologize...

No one knows for sure, but we have our suspicions and we're prepared to share them with one and all.

Here goes:

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Friday Bonebag

/Friday Shitbag

Bonebag:

Now that's how two superstars go at it.  40+ points for both Bron Bron and Melo.  A (HUGE) triple double for the King.  A victory for Melotron.  A fantastic overtime game for all.  There was nothing objectionable about this game: the turnovers were limited (15 combined), the shooting was solid (pushing .500), and the drama, well, it was there.  Down the stretch, Lebron and Carmelo seemingly matched one another shot-for-shot, with James putting in 15 points in the 4th quarter and Anthony posting 11.  But it was the Orangeman who would get the last laugh, by hitting the game winner in OT.  Please let these teams meat in the NBA Finals.

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Better Know a Contender?

Who yuh got?!?

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What Happens to a Trade Deferred?

Does it miss the playoffs -- like a Phoenix Sun?

Or sulk like a soar sport -- refusing to run?

Does it stink like Hasheem Thabeet?

Or crust and scab over-- like athlete's feet

Maybe it just sags like a salary cap expense.

Or does it play defense?

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Curling Prospect #4: Wally White

Sure, America is not known for its Curling prowess, but you heard it here first, folks: The eagle is on the rise. 

In fact, the US government has been secretly ciphering money off to the United States Curling Association (USCA) in hopes of developing some serious talent for the 2014 games in Russia, in order to show Svetlana and company that we're here to dominate all sports and not just the snowboard competition.

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Which Underdog Will Choke Next?!?!

Because the suspense is just killing us all!

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Why Olympic Hockey is Better than Your Favorite Sport

Because two dream teams are better than one.

Let's just take a look at the rosters, shall we?

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Why Do We Fall?

To embarass ourselves and subsequently be removed from medal consideration, of course.

Yay!!!

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En Route: Reboundin'

Football has left me.  We went out with a bang, but she's gone and now it's time for me to start pretending that I don't mind... That I'm better off... That something better is around the corner.

Which is bullshit.

But while I certainly cannot outrun the pain, it is always a good idea to keep your mind as occupied as possible during these times.  And what better way to occupy your mind with, well, what generally occupies the mind of any man?  But I ain't talking about just thinking about.  You gotta actualize it!  That's right, folks, it's rebound time.  And with just a little effort, it's really quite simple.

You see, when you're down, the fems can smell it.  Usually it's those that already reak like booze and vibrating jelly dong.  So you can already see why some nice sweat-scented flesh would be attractive, especially on such easy prey as a broken spirited man such as myself.  And look what we got here:

Hey hey, NBA All-Star weekend!  Looking g... Oh shit, who is that?  What are you doing at the same bad as... the Olympics?  That's just silly.  Step aside, dunk Arcompetition, H.O.R.S.E, and you too, celebrity game.  No, I'm not looking for something long haul, but two weeks just might be the perfect amount of time.  Maybe I'll take her out to see that new movie with all the beautiful people in it that obviously won't be formulaic, ephemeral, or aggravatingly named after an utterly ridiculous holiday!  We just had Christmas with our loved ones!  We don't need a second run dang near one month later...

Oh god, it's obvious that I'm not ready for a relationship... Maybe I'll just go see The Wolfman instead, and by myself... I miss her so damn much!

What to read about when you're not wondering where on earth Deuce's Olympic Hockey Preview went:

• Are you Armenian?  Bosnian?  Wanna be in the Olympics? (Melt Your Face Off)
• Meet my bizarro Serena Williams (The Sportress)
• Big 10 and Big 12 to officially change places (Wizard of Odds)
• And lastly, for all you loners... Willful or otherwise (Uncoached)

Spread the love, y'all

One, Love

Oh, hey there, sweet thing... I can see that you're all ready to get this started.  I am happy about it, too.  But before we get to the now, let's talk a little bit about what things were like before we first met.  That can be fun.

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Boobs?

Take a close look, Ache-Man, because there has gotta be some nice bare titties in there somewhere.  Especially when you consider the fact that this picture is directed squarely at the bare-breasted capital of the continents: Mama Africa... Bras always optional.

But these aren't the boobs that we want to focus on at the moment.  No, we want to talk about the fatty breasticles that managed to vote a modern-day, journeyman stiff into the All-Star game's starting lineup.  Generally, I have no problem with such brazen exposure, but in this case, allow me to play the roll of an insecure censor pressured by a few stay-at-home moms with too much time on their hands, breathing down my neck, because Janet Jackson just flashed her A-cup to the world. (Oh, picture found... HERE... And oh, what the hell? Here you go).

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Where They Do Roll On Shabbos

So this actually exists?  Why I am surprised simply that their is no Philadelphia contingency considering that the birthplace of freedom, also happens to be the birthplace skee ball...

Surprised you didn't know that.

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Better Know a Contender?

We all make mistakes.  Some of us make nothing but.  Somtimes mistakes are permanent.

Oops, I killed mommy!  

Others are minor and barely noteworthy.

You fucked your cousin?!

Some are serious, but ultimately correctible.

You bought a blue denim jacket?   Return that shit, you asshole.

Introducing the NHL's blue denim jacket from Columbus.

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Only 1 More Hour Until the Next Supper Bowl

Awwwww, some guacamole?

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Only 363 More Days Until the Next Super Bowl!

Ergo, what better time to start laying some money down on the 2010-2011 Super Bowl Champion?

Vegas odds have already been released here, amongst elsewhere. The Ponies are the favorite, because...I'm not totally sure. But go ahead and peruse the lines. Since I'm lazy (and so are you), I've got no interest in analyzing every team's odds. Instead, we'll just pull a few that seem interestingly high, interestingly low, possible money-makers, and those I have some sort of reaction to. You go ahead and give yours (reactions, thoughts, arguments, bias) in the comments.

Gambling is Fun! Weeeeee!

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So, About that Tebow Ad

That was it?

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It's Revolution, Baby

Sure, unless you happen to be in New Orleans, or are a huge fan of Tom Brady (ahem), then today is certainly a day of mourning for all football fans.  The long, hard road back to late summer begins today and normally would we be hurting for sure, but thanks to Peyton Manning's disastrous pick six today, it is actually a day for celebrating, because it's our birthday!

Indeed, FSD turns 1 on this day, and we can only thank the good viewers of this site for their support( Ache Man...).  Here's to many more, or, at least one more year.  Let's be realistic...

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Blogsturbation Monday

Super Stupor Edition

Didn't see that coming.  New Orleans is finally rebuilt thanks to the Saints' sneaky victory over the Colts last night in the Super Bowl.  In retrospect, Sean Peyton was a blown onsides kick away from quite possibly being the first coach fired after a Super Bowl defeat, considering their unsuccessful 4th down conversion in the first half (3 run plays versus 1 pass play from the goal line?  Who are you, Sean Payton?  The Anti-Andy Reid?  Note to Andy Reid: RUN THE BALL).  The Saints defense allowed over 400 yards of offense once again, but somehow remained stout and opportunistic enough to seal the deal.  Apparently all Tracy Porter does is pick off Hall of Fame quarterbacks.   And how quickly did this game go?  I guess only 8 penalties and 21 total incompletions will speed up a game a bit, but even with The Who dat halftime, the game still got over really early.

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Check It Out!

Check. It. Out.

Hopefully more where that came from...

Or maybe not.

I don't know.

En Route: Bracin'

Because this isn't going to end well.

Or perhaps a preemptive strike is in order?  Why wait for the inevitable heartbreak, and broken hopes for a stable future?  Find someone or something else with which to occupy my time.

But what if it never ends?  What if this last meeting together lasts forever.  An endless string of Overtime sessions, cheating finality and conclusion forever and ever until...

Oh there I go again, being a romantic.  Why can I not remember the good times that we had together, and accept them for what they were, while acknowledging the bad but relegating them to their final resting place in the forgettable past?  Well, probably because I'm a big pussy.

I need someone. 

Oh!  I see something on the horizon.  Not a sure thing... But we'll get there.  In the meantime:

• I bet Freddy would understand. He's been there (Chicago Sports Mob).
• It was all just a silly mistake! We all make them (Zoner Sports)...
• A contract!  Why didn't think of that?  Make it lifelong (Jorge Says No!).
• I guess it happens to all of us.  Even the cutest amongst us (You Got Dunked On).

If this is it, well, let's just say I won't be leaving quietly... Nor will she. 

/wink wink

The Haters Lovers Guide to the Super Bowl

"The world needs haters. Without them, we'd be faced with a society of people walking around, feeling good about themselves."

- Deuce

When no one has the courage, not even the opponents in the upcoming Super Bowl, nor the pundits and professional cocksueses who are too busy messaging the vast egos of professionals and pushing us all to other pursuits in the meantime, one can always rely on FSD to provide the fuel.  The fuel that pushes down on the gas pedal during the morning commute.  The fuel that causes you to attend a Tea Party.  The fuel that makes swallowing a hard loss all the more painless.  The fuel is THE HATE.  And because the teams sponsored here at FSD have (ALL) been bounced from the playoffs, and in lieu of the fact that we must pick a team to support, we are choosing to say "fuck it." If we are gonna be forced (in the end) to lend our support to one of these jagmuffs, then we will not do so without a fight. And so without any additional delay, let us introduce the detestable candidates!

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Friday Bonebag

/Friday Shitbag

Bonebag:

There's been a goalie controversy brewing up in Royal Mountain, Quebec, but Jaroslave Halak all but ended that debate last night in the Bean.  Posting 45 regular/OT saves in addition to 3 shootout saves, Halak put an exclamation mark on his claim to the prime position in the Habs' goalie stable.  Oh, and he also contributed the Bruins' worst losing streak in recent memory.  From the 5:25 mark of the second period on, Halak attended to just under 40 minutes of shutout goaltending, also ensuring cheap tickets for Bruins fans for the rest of the season.

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The Reds Invade the Jersey Shore

Hey Pauly man, I don't know about this new guy... Looks like a stinking commie rat to me.


I hear that, Vinny.  I mean I love the Red Devils as like a team, you know, but I don't know about bringin' in any actual red devils.


I think he's cute.


Shutup, Snooki, you filthy howuh!

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Lisping Toward the Super Bowl

With Cole Hamels

Jeziz Chrisz, you guyzzz, can you believe that itzs Super Bowl time already?  I mean, I juszt feels like yeszterday when little white ballzs were flying toward my fazce... The horror!

j/k...

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I Am the Slime...

Or, the one where we tell you what's on television because apparently that is the kind of services that blogs provide when ESPN.com is just too many letters to type into the toolbar.



Tonight!

It's college basketball and we got:

The Hick'sburgh Panthers v. The Hick'ginia Mountaineers...

In a battle of verbal jabs hurled toothlessly and, in all likelihood, without the proper pronunciation, across steep mountainsides and mine-stripped valleys (7:00 PM ET on ESPN360).

Wait, what is ESPN360 and does Comcast even carry it?

I knew this was a bad idea...

Hey, Have You Guys Heard?

There's a football game this coming Sunday!

Apparently, it's a pretty big deal.  But, what's that?  Oh, yeah I know, the commercials are always fun aren't they?!?

Wait, an abortion commercial?  That doesn't sound like much fun...

It certainly fucking isn't.

Hey, pass the cheetos and that bloody placenta juice, will you?  Cool.  Thanks, man. Mmmmmm... Delicious.

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Better Know a Contender?

Back in high school, I played rugby.  I was pretty much the smallest dude on the team, even as an upperclassmen.  But, I was also the fastest guy on the team.  This made me pretty valuable in terms of stretching the field and breaking for big gains in the field position battle.  At the end of my Junior year, we had this barbecue affair where we did a little inter-squad scrimmage, ate burgers, and then had a little gag awards ceremony.  Well, what I received for my efforts was the item pictured in the upper left.  You see, I was fast... So... Get it?

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Chicago's New Treat

We join some regular ol' Chicagoans down at Schatz' Deli on S. Wabash discussing the most recent Chicago-related news items.

Eh Jahn.


Eh Lerry.


Eh Stoo.


You guys hyear about this noo MAR-tza Bahll thing that's comin'a Chicahgow?


Nah Jahn.  Whatcha talkin' abaht?


Yeah, appearently dey're brginin'in some new Jooish thing/  They're cahllin it the Martz-a Bahll.


Martz-a Bahll?

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Ehhh, What's up, Doc?

The Celtics have dropped 11 of their last 17 games, dating back to their West Coast trip in late December where they were defeated by such title contenders as the LA Clip, the Warriors, and Suck Valley Suns.  Of those 6 victories, two of them were earned in OT.  And in 8 of those 11 losses, the Celtics actually had the lead in the 2nd half.  In 6 of those 8 games, they had the lead the in 4th quarter.  Oh, and two of those 4th quarter leads were by double-digits.

Yikes.

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