Hey, Have You Guys Heard?

There's a football game this coming Sunday!

Apparently, it's a pretty big deal.  But, what's that?  Oh, yeah I know, the commercials are always fun aren't they?!?

Wait, an abortion commercial?  That doesn't sound like much fun...

It certainly fucking isn't.

Hey, pass the cheetos and that bloody placenta juice, will you?  Cool.  Thanks, man. Mmmmmm... Delicious.

But like all ads, which is just what this Tebow soapbox opera is after all, I'm not going to be convinced to buy what is being pedaled either way.  And nor will you be.  The tasty brunette on those Doritos ads?  Didn't convince me to buy Doritos.  The Bud Bowl?  I fucking hate Anheuser-Busch products.  But if you already like Doritos or Bud Light, then did either of these ads make you change your spending habits?  Your beliefs in the correctness of your dietary habits?  Of course not.

So then, what is the point of this public service announcement?  For other advertisements, the purpose is visibility.  To remain a permanent fixture in the perceptual landscape of the consumer.  To breed familiarity and then allow this familiarity to give way to a specific action in the marketplace.  And quite possibly, such purchases will include a tasty brunette or an awesome game of tackle football from armless longnecks... Or something like that.

So if we apply this train of thought to the Tebow ad, well then the logic would work as follows:

If you, or your significant other are pregnant, then carrying the baby to term is the best (most visible) option.  You will avoid going to the hospital, because what do they know(?), and will demand a natural birth.  The baby could very well become a 6 foot 3 inch athlete that gets a full ride to a big-time college who will eventually enjoy a short career in the NFL, a slightly longer career in Hartford playing for the newest UFL affiliate, and who will no doubt become a whore for conservative focus groups based in Colorado Springs, CO... All things held constant.

At least, this is what the intent appears to be.  We can't be sure, because we have not seen the ad, but the obvious thrust is to alter perception where possible, and dictate behavior as a result.

Companies value profit and Tim Tebow values human life... At least as far as unborn babies are concerned. If the message were as simple as that, then so be it.  But is this merely a commercial for Tim Tebow to express his personal views on life?  Probably not, because as mentioned, the whole purpose of such a television spot is to alter/induce certain behavior, namely, to promote the purchase a product, or a philosophical identification with an idea.

A lot has been said about Tim Tebow's courage to stand for his ideals.  Well, we all have our ideals and values and all of us, hopefully, stand for them and can defend them, or at least explain them, at any given moment.  The difference is that none of us are all that famous and are not in the desirable position of being a puppet of a religio-political group's agenda.  In other words, I'm not impressed.  People complain about Hollywood stars sticking their nose into politics all the time.  So what's the difference here?

At least he's not hawking sneakers or food or whatever, his apologists will charge (and since when did conservatives oppose the very tools of capitalism?), but in all actuality, an athlete promoting sneakers or tacos makes much more sense.  After all, if I like Kobe and his new sneakers just came out, well then, I am going to buy those sneakers regardless of my political/religious background.  If Kobe is promoting gay marriage, well then my willingness to join his cause is could very well depend a lot more on whether I was born in Cambridge, Mass. or Moscow, Idaho and the church or coffeehouse in which I was raised.

If the message were innocuous and non-controversial (eg. let's raise money for Haiti), then the controversy would be limited.  We can all agree that helping those in need is good (well, most of us anyway).  And if Tebow were simply stating his beliefs for the sake of stating them, well then that is different as well, but it is also something that should be relegated to morning talk shows and Time magazine interviews, not Super Bowl advertisements.  Instead, the message is to illicit response, and given that this is an election year, why not get the values voters motivated well in advance of Super Tuesday?

If the Super Bowl is about anything, it's definitely fucking NOT about politics.  We all have our teams to support, our commercials to enjoy, and our own choice greasy foods with which to clog our collective arteries.  For one night, just let it be and allow us all to get through our Super Bowl hangovers the following day without having to deal with a morning debate regarding the most hot button, divisive and deadlocked debate in the history of the United States.  Tim Tebow is not going to change anyone's minds policy-wise, and the only foreseeable change is to alienate himself from millions of potential (CFL) fans.  Do what you feel you need to do, Timmy, just know that this is not the proper platform in which to do it, and be prepared for the negative reactions.

Now if Peyton Manning could just slander Drew Brees' dead mother, we can finally get away from all this controversy and back to the true spirit of Super Bowl week.