Two Teams, One Cup

Be a whole lot cooler if the Bruins were playing...

Anyway, so the Red Wings and Penguins polished off their worthy (?) opponents this week in hasty fashion. Now the two lovers will be re-united in the same building once again for another 7 games in heaven (sounds better than 21 periods in heaven... I think you know why). Last year the Red Wings dispatched the young gun Penguins in their usual efficient manner. This year things seem to be a little different.

For one, the Wings are a bit dinged up. Datysuk and Lidstrom haven't been playing for the last few games and let's just say they're pretty essential to the Wings success, or at least have been all season. On the other hand, the Penguins, after a super slow start, have been laying waste to opponents in the playoffs so far, and look poised to put up a better fight than they did in last year's Cup.

Yes, the award-winning (?) Better Know a Hockey Team series did neglect the Penguins, but I have demonstrated my love for them in the past. The Wings are are the ultimate professional team. They do their business, rarely get pulled into the fray (see the entire Blackhawks series), and well, they tend to win. The Penguins however, bring the offensive fury like nothing the NHL has seen in a long time. Plus, Malkin takes me to the Boneyard every time he touches the puck (It was 6 o'clock... And then suddenly, it's midnight).

My only prediction is that this series goes 7 games. The Penguins are going to be a much more worthy opponent this go 'round, and unless the Wings can get their bodies back on the ice, then it may be trouble. However, I never put anything passed Detroit, even when they seem dead, they always seem to manage just fine.

Enjoy the show y'all

HOCKEY, BITCH!

HEADLINES. . . !

Mo Williams guarantees that thing on Delonte West's face will still be there win, lose, or draw...


Tom Brady returns to practice with God, Jesus, and all the rest of the angelic beings...


Phil Mickelson at the top of wife's Breast Donor List...


Derrick Rose is, in fact, as dumb as he looks...


Carlos Zambrano: Carlos Angry... Carlos SMASH! AHHHHHHHHHH!...


TO already resorting to new, innovative ways aimed at destroying his new team...


Chicago Blackhawks still waiting for Detroit Red Wings in the parking lot outside Joe Louis Arena...


Kobe: Doin Work... On that poor girl's behind...

Taunting the Spirits

On Saturday night Josh Beckett went out and pitched 8 strong innings against the New York Mets, ultimately in a losing effort for his team. Beckett has struggled a bit this year. At this point in the season his ERA is a hair over 5, yet somehow he has managed to keep a respectable record. Beckett's numbers from Saturday night were as follows:

8 IP, 0 ER, 5 Hits, 5 K's, 117 pitches*

Tito Francona, manager of the Boston Red Sox, has also had his own pitching struggles and particularly with respect to Josh Beckett. It seems that Tito is often afraid to go to the mound in order to hook Beckett. As if Beckett is going to tell him to "fuck off", and he will have to skulk back to the dugout, embarrassed and upset.

Long story short, after 8 innings of fine pitching, Beckett exits the game in favor of "Don" Jon Papelbon. Papelbon lets up a two-run bomb, and the Red Sox lose the game.

Now there are many logical reasons as to why Beckett should not have returned to the mound for the 9th inning; high pitch count, Papelbon is right there and ready to go, obvious ghosts from seasons prior when pitchers are left in the game for too long (ahem). But, there is one very prominent and mystical argument for leaving Beckett in the game. Namely, the Complete Game.

Complete games once were the norm. The pitcher was expected to go the distance. However, within the last few decades we have seen managers paying closer attention to pitch counts, ballooning salaries forcing GM's to be more delicate with their prized arms, and the modification of the disabled list allowing for greater flexibility and protection. We have also seen the advent of the sophisticated bullpen; setup men, righty/left specialists, and fireball closers garnering almost as much value as a pitcher in the starting rotation. Because of these factors, the complete game has become more and more elusive.

The Numbers:

In 1880, Jim McCormick threw 72 for the Cleveland Blues

In 1902, Cy Young threw 41 for the Boston Americans

In 1946, Bob Feller threw 36 for the Cleveland Indians

In 1987, Roger Clemens threw 18 for the Boston Red Sox

In 2008, Roy Halladay threw 9 for the Toronto Blue Jays

The trend is difficult to miss (Oh and those numbers refer to total Complete Games).

However, this isn't a call to revert back to older, tougher times. But it is a call for a greater respect of the the Complete Game and it's extensive value. So often, we are caught up in the pursuit of the no-hitter. No-no's are a rare, extraordinary affair and deserve to be revered so highly. Yet as the demonstrated trend suggests, so too is the Complete Game.

The effective difference between the No-Hitter and the Complete Game occurs primarily in the psyche of the pitcher. Pitchers actually pursue the No-No whereas the Complete Game comes to the pitcher. If after 8 innings a pitcher has allowed 0 hits, then even if that pitcher is out of gas they still have to go back out there in the 9th. It's required. If a pitcher has simply thrown 8 innings of solid pitching, well then it's up to the pitcher and ultimately the coach whether he goes back out there or not.

The difference is subtle... The No-Hitter is a singular event which does not necessarily carry over into a future start. The No-Hitter is execute, and it's legacy consists, within a vacuum, so as soon as that pitcher allows a hit in a subsequent game, then that vacuum is punctured and so too, often times, is the pitcher's focus. The Complete Game, however, is a long-term, far-reaching phenomenon. Sure it occurs in one singular game, but what is carried over into the next start is something larger, and even more useful. Once the pitcher reaches the final out in the 9th inning, he knows that even though he may have allowed a few hits or even a few runs, he can go the distance and keep his team in the ball game all by himself.

On May 19 of 2008 Jon Lester tossed a No-No against the Kansas City Royals. In each of his next two starts he lasted only five innings. He averaged 6 innings per start and had 2 complete games that same season. That same year, Roy Halladay threw 0 No Hitters, but 9 Complete Games and averaged over 7 innings per start (and also, only averaged 8 more pitches per game than Lester). For further evidence on the long-term effectiveness of the Complete Game, please see exhibit Greinke.

The Complete Game is about more than individual performance. The offense, defense, and the pitcher all combine to realize and actualize the Complete Game. The Complete Game is about domination, and not just on one particular day. The Complete Game burns an image into the minds of everyone on the field that day, opponents included. So that next game when the pitcher takes the mound, it isn't about a No-Hitter, or a shutout, or even the win. Rather, it is about the inspired confidence that leads a pitcher to believe that the next 9 innings are going to be about performance and dominance, and that everyone has his back in the process. No-Hitters are flash in the pan. The Complete Game is a slow-smoked barbecue that lasts all summer long.

So the next time Tito Francona decides to wield his shaky hook, let's hope that he considers the ramifications, not just for the game at hand, but for the pitcher's next start and all those yet to come. Let us also hope that next time, he chooses not to taunt the spirits.

Re: Lax

Throngs (Throngs, I tells yuh!) of FSD supporters have been banging at the gates of the FSD mansion, demanding, imploring, and even mandating that we pay tribute to the Lacrosse Final Four that took place this weekend in Foxboro, Mass. Syracuse won the National Title by beating Cornell in a riveting overtime game, 10-9. All I really know about the affair is what my man Waltuh said, and also what ESPN told me about it. To paraphrase both:

Via ESPN:

The two best Syracuse Lacrosse players grew up in teepee's (or wigwams) spending most nights dreaming of a collegiate National Championship while on Peyote binges.

Via Waltuh:

Dude!

I think this paints a pretty clear picture of what transpired over the weekend. And if that didn't do it, then the picture above is an actual snapshot from the championship game (Syracuse is in bright yellow, Cornell red-stripes). No word on whether or not any of the players will be making the leap from college to the pros, but one thing is for sure, a second job will be required either way.

Blogsturbation Monday

Guaranteed Non-sense Edition


This morning Mo Williams of the Cleveland Cavaliers declared not only that his team was the best in basketball, but also went on to guarantee that the Cavaliers were going to win the Eastern Conference Final. That's right, future Hall-of-Famer, Mo Williams is now making guarantees. Apparently averaging 17 points, 5 assists, and over 500 words of shit-talk per game earns you the right to make ridiculous statements as he made this morning.

In related news; Trevor Ariza, Rafer Alston, and JR Smith also guaranteed victory for their teams in their respective series'. Yes indeed, the all-stars are coming out en masse just to let you know that even though they play mere contributing roles on their teams, that their huge mouths are contributing in other, more intangible methods toward the victory that is so assured. More Italicized words.

No sir, you cannot teach confidence, but I guess foolishness comes along in that innate and mysterious package deal.

I guarantee that two teams make it to the Finals, and two others do not. Prove me wrong.... Prove me wrong.

The Lesser is More

Fuck the Nuggets.

Sure, I can understand the overwhelming wave of good feeling being poured forth from all corners of the basketball globe. But I feel that this is mere knee-jerk. Quick, the Lakers are playing an unknown team tonight; who do you want to win the game? My guess is that the other team garners the necessary electoral votes, even if this team happened to be the Nets (since we all know that there is nothing like about the Nets). This reeks of resistance more than it resembles support. What is being suggested is that people have, or at least should have, less of a reason to like the Nuggets than they think they do.

During the Melo era, the Nuggets have played like a team that generally doesn't give a fuck. Pardon the allusion, but their style of play fits neatly into the playground stereotype. An atmosphere was forged where style was welcomed over substance, where teamwork was disregarded, where urgency was unknown, and where defense was almost always an afterthought. Like a zoo attraction, they were a team to be gawked at for their features more than to be appreciated for their dynamic potential. Potential was what kept our attention, even when our tendency was to discount.

It is almost difficult to imagine the Nuggets prior to Melo. The severe trajectory upon which he entered into the league seemingly erased the existence of the Denver Nuggets as we previously knew them (the same with the Cavaliers prior to Lebron). The Nuggets no longer revolved around Denver, but now orbited a brighter sun. And they had no choice in the matter. Melo dictated the motion, direction, and sheer existence of this entity. The Nuggets took on the character of Carmelo Anthony. Project Mayhem was underway in Denver, and sooner or later, the team became what Melo wanted it to be.

But rather than bringing the consistent warmth that a sun promises, up until this season Melo could only provide the brilliant, albeit irregular flash of a comet. Spectacular in it's promise, but mercurial in form. This tendency led many to abandon the enormous potential that only a figure like Melo could promise, prompting one broadcaster to state that he wouldn't trade Melo "for a bag of balls." And while we should not dwell so much on the ornery remarks of the archaic (considering Melo is only 25, and in the league since he was merely young lad), it is important to note that this impatience and angst was not reserved strictly for the old-fashioned.

Up until this season, were the Nuggets ever to be taken seriously? Even during this season, their second-seeding seemed to bubble up out of nowhere. The Nuggets who had just dispatched a perennial Defensive POY in Marcus Camby, as well as one of the greatest scoring guards in NBA history, had suddenly become relevant, and even meaningful? And even if this is the case, do we simply forget about the willful lack of passion that this team displayed over the last 5 years? Have we already absolved the Nuggets like a benevolent creator who just wants to hear you say you're sorry?

The emergence of the Nuggets, and specifically Melo, as a legitimate, determined force in the NBA is not something to be lamented. But is it something to embrace right away? Can we be sure that it is for real? In the face of an ever-flattening, and even regressing Western Conference it seems that even the thinnest of creams could rise to the top. If the motives are pure and potential is truly actualized in this case, then maybe we could make a case.

However, can we truly, and positively support a team that casts characters such as K Mart, JR Smith, and the Birdman in such prominent roles? Some of these actors are loathsome by their character alone, some by their casual inconsistency. Others we seem attracted to purely for their novelty value. But when combined with the sheer basketball prowess of Melo, is this enough to override the Phil Jackson's cerebral approach to the game, Ariza's own (sneaky) potential, and Pau's crafty approach to post-play?

Granted, Kobe is indeed a loathsome character, and you won't find FSD coming to his aide very often. However, there is something undeniable about the beauty with which Kobe plays the game (when he is not sneering, or whining... which is often). He adds an element of poetry to the game which stands in stark contrast to the Nuggets jagged, Tom Robbins-like prose. Sure, I can plow through a whimsical piece of satire on a sunny afternoon, but in the dark nights I would prefer the metaphysicial weaponry of the artist, even a scowling one.

The point is, cut through the bullshit and see your support for what it is. Are you really pulling for the Nuggets or do you just not want the Lakers to win? And whichever you decide, examine the reasons for your decision. There are things to dislike about both of these teams, but consider the positives. Put them side-by-side and give them the analysis that they require. Does talent without effort wrapped in a shroud of unpredictability truly provide the better option for a championship appearance than cold-blooded execution delivered with a sneer? And if Kobe's apparent sense of entitlement is a distraction for you, then just take a look at Melo; he's been behaving the same way since he came into the league, just without the same results.

I will support the Nuggets next year, if they finally earn it.

100th Post!

Woohoo! Well technically this is the 101st, but you always add one for good luck, right? I'd like to not thank Ginge and Jables for being absentee douchemongers.

It's been a lot of fun up until this point and we here at FSD would like to think that we are getting better at this thing, although who the fuck can tell? Again, thanks to all who have been reading... So, all 3 of you. And please comment! We love that shit. It makes us all wet and warm in our private areas. Tell your friends, and have them comment, too. And if you'd like to contribute, well then our e-mails are always open. Looking forward to bringing you the funny, in addition to some pretentious blather for a long time to come.


100 posts, mother fuckers!

Why Hockey is Better than Your Favorite Sport

Recently, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman made a statement regarding hockey and ESPN. He stated that the NHL was in no particular rush to rejoin the ESPN airwaves due to the fact that the NHL has up until this point, been growing without utilizing the vast resources and reach of the WWL.

But perhaps Bettman is savvier than we would like to believe. Perhaps even for the out of touch prick that he appears to be, he understands hockey a little better than we would like to believe, and wants to preserve hockey's pristine nature. And by pristine, I mean it primarily in the "uncorrupted" sense of the term.

Big time media places all sports as well as those sports' primary actors under a high-powered microscope. The smallest actions, performed on or off the court, field, pitch, etc, are hailed or critiqued and seemingly to no end. Aubrey Huff's Joba-like fist pump, Rondo's bitch slap, Kurt Warner's footprints in the sand. Some of these things clearly deserve plenty of attention, but like any story, the larger it becomes the more out of focus things begin to appear.

Hockey avoids this pitfall, well, because the biggest story in hockey is apparently the color of Barry Melrose's blazer (or face). Think about some of the major events that have already occurred during the Stanley Cup playoffs; Crosby and Ovechkin both getting hat tricks in the same game, the young guns of Chicago making a surge toward the cup, Scott Walker breaking Aaron Ward's face and essentially without repercussion. Sure, some of this sounds familiar, but how different would it be if we were talking about Kobe and Lebron scoring 50 in the same game, the Arizona Cardinals making it to the Super Bowl, or Kyle Lowry punching Sasha Vujacic square in the grill (Oh, heaven)? These were, and would be jammed down our throats to no end. The hockey stories? Well, they might just even get a headline on the ESPN.com frontpage.



But don't think for a second that I am complaining about this. This state of affairs is preferential. If people took more notice of the Walker-Ward incident, well, then we would have even more clowns chiming in on the should fighting be banned in hockey? debate. And that is not what hockey needs. More fans? Sure. More Skip Bayless? Absolutely not.

Hockey is a cult sport, and like all things cult, unless you submerse yourself in the culture and begin to appreciate the little intricacies that make the game so unique and interesting, then it is difficult to invest your fandom. However, ESPN would do no one any favors in this regard. The ratings may get a slight increase and maybe a few extra people might go to a Coyotes game (although probably not), but the things that make the game great will slowly be glossed over, while the things that make the game fashionable (for those with vested interests) will be enhanced. Drama will be injected into an environment where dropping the gloves is about business, not the storyline.



Hockey is better than your favorite sport because the drama occurs strictly on the ice where it belongs, and isn't manufactured in a studio somewhere in central Connecticut.

Wait, White Sox?

Shit man, I thought you said "Red Sox".

Well, why the fuck would I wanna go there?

I know I said "Middle America", but what I actually said was, "the other side of Middle America". So like, East. East coast. I meant fucking Boston, man.

Why the hell would I go from one team that can't hit, to another team that can't hit? The Peav is trying to win a championship.

Well, that was ages ago. And have you seen their manager? I don't even know what the shit that guy is saying half the time. And you KNOW how I feel about illegal immigrants.

Ozzie Guillen... never played... in the Major Leagues, man... Don't even try and kid me. I know the fruits of Affirmative Action when I see it.

Look, I'm not going, man.

I'm not.

Those assholes are gonna blown out tonight anyway. Just watch.

The Art of Blocking Your Own Cock

Congratulations are in order. Last night both the Chicago Blackhawks and the Nuggets managed to pull off the unenviable feat of blocking their own cocks. The similarities are many. We're talking about two unanimous underdogs in their respective series', and two road teams needing a road win if they want any chance of advancing. Furthermore, both teams are full of young and undisciplined, yet exciting and talented players surrounding a "veteran presence" who should theoretically carry his team in these types of situations (Billups for Denver, the Bulin Wall in Chicago...and don't get me started on him). Finally, both are matched up against not only teams who were dominant in their respective leagues this season, but franchises who have long storied histories of post-season success. Yet, both the Hawks and Nuggs found themselves in a position to knock off a vaunted, more respected foe.

And then they each went ahead and crapped in their jocks. This would not have been a case of either team "stealing" a win on the road thanks to a lackluster effort by their opponents, or an otherworldy performance by their own team. Both Chicago and Denver clearly outplayed the Red Wings and Lakers for the majority of the contests. The Hawks outshot the Wings, played smart and surprisingly physical hockey for a team predicated on speed and scoring. The Nuggets played exceptional team defense all night, showed no reverence or fear of the Lake Show, and Melo outplayed his "brother" Kobe. (But shhhhhh, don't tell anyone. Kobe hasn't quite climaxed yet from the outpouring of grundle-washing after his "vintage" performance).

In spite of all this, the Blackhawks return to Chicago down 0-2, while the Nuggets try to come to grips with letting that game slip away. And the thing is, I never doubted that the Wings or Lakers would win. And that's the difference between the teams in both Western Conference Finals. The Red Wings and Lakers are championship teams, with championship coaching, poise and a championship attitude. They are teams that win when they shouldn't, win when they are outplayed and outmatched, and do it as if it were expected all along. All thanks to the outstanding cockblocking ineptitude of their opponents.

The Lakers did not climb on Kobe's back while he willed them back in the game with jumpers. Dude missed his last FG attempt, and lucked out with a ticky-tack (and ill-advised) foul call against your friend and ours, Kenyon Martin. The Lakers found a win because Anthony Carter decided to throw a water-balloon inbounds pass at the worst possible moment that Trevor Ariza gladly snatched up. Game, Lakers...a lead too large for even Mr. Big Shot to make up.

And the Red Wings didn't see any incredible individual performances from the Datsyuk's and Zetterberg's of their squad. Detroit got gifted a 3-on-1 odd man rush because Brian Campbell decided that overtime of a road playoff game is a good time to try the ole' "back-handed skip pass through the zone from just inside the blue line" technique. Going back farther in the game, Dan Cleary, slayer of Blackhawk leads, broke free for the goal which put Detroit up 2-1 because of a Brent Seabrook give away just inside the zone.

And that brings me to my point (finally). Two Blackhawk mistakes...two Detroit goals. One rather large and glaring Nugget turnover, one clinching possession for L.A. Chicago and Denver needed wins last night. They need at least one win on the road, period, and last night each had what may be their best opportunity to get it. They each outplayed their opponent. They were each hitting on all cylinders, and they each found themselves with momentum late in the game, unexpectedly perhaps. They each played well enough to win, yet lost. While their more poised, less panicked and more deserving opponents played as if they should lose, yet won. If inevitability exists, last night was it's manifestation.

Chicago and Denver, you cockblocked yourselves last night. Not just for that game, but possibly for what could become very short series. Nobody got in your way, except yourselves. You were the better team last night. You just aren't championship teams. So those blue balls you're waking up with this morning? Take a good look in the mirror and pat yourself on the back. And good luck finding yourself in such a prime position with a drunk, staggering, tit-hanging-out piece of ass like that again. At least until next year...

A Haters Guide to the NBA Conference Finals

"The world needs haters. Without them, we'd be faced with a society of people walking around consistently feeling good about themselves."

-Deuce

Because the teams sponsored here at FSD have both been bounced from the playoffs, and in lieu of the fact that we must pick a team to support, we are choosing to say "fuck it." If we are gonna be forced (in the end) to lend our support to some unworthy collection of jagmuffs, then we will not do so without a fight. And so without any additional delay, let us introduce the detestable candidates!

Cleveland Cavaliers

Why they are unworthy of your support: Because for all the shit Kobe takes for emulating (read: pining to be) Jordan, Lebron wears #23 and has become the 2nd player to steal MJ's patented pre-game talc powder routine. Also, not only does Delonte West have herpes, but he also isn't really that good at basketball, but is still in serious danger of getting a championship ring. Because my roommate owns a Wally Sczerbiak jersey... From when he was on the Timberwolves. Because last year Mike Brown couldn't draw up an offensive play to beat a group of guys in Rucker park, and suddently he's the NBA Coach of the Year.

Why they are worthy of your support: Because they're apparently wicked good at basketball and Lebron James is a BEAST.

However, if you choose to support the team for these reasons, then you are simply a front-running sucker, which is exactly the reason why we want the Cavs to crash and burn. Thanks for giving us another reason to hate!

Orlando Magic:

Why they are unworthy of your support: Because Rafer Alston is a punk-ass bitch. Really dude, you look like "Red" from Friday and I'm just waiting for Deebo to step in and knock a mother fucker out (Ideally this role would have been played by Perk in the previous series, but he was too busy having his shots rejected by D. Howard). Becuase, "Hey Stan, get a goddamn shirt with a collar and look like a fucking professional, would you?" Because Rashard Lewis is Lamar Odom East. And because their fans suck.

Why they are worthy of your support: Because just look at D. Howard smile. Oh it is beautiful isn't it?

But this is probably the reason you like the guy. Not because of his post moves (which he doesn't have), but because he is just so damn affable, and non-thug-like. You're just another scrub Magic fan who finally got his Shaq back. And no, you won't be receiving an apology for this assessment.

Speaking of thug-like...

Denver Nuggets:

Why they are unworthy of your support: This one is hard. I'm kind of endeared to these bunch of maniacs, but here goes... Kenyon Martin fucked your mother... And your girlfriend... And at the same time. Because they wear WNBA jerseys. Because Dahntay Jones attended Duke. Because Birdman gave up the sweet herb and destroyed my profitable farming business as a result.

Why they are worthy of your support: Because the Nuggets winning makes Allen Iverson look really, really bad, and in turn, makes THUGS like him look really, really bad.

And if you agree with this, then you're a dick who probably doesn't like the NBA because you think it is filled with nothing but "thugs", which to you is nothing more than a synonym for "black people." Fuck off, asshole. One more word and you might just make me into a Nuggets fan.

One thing that could DEFINITELY make me a Nuggy Bear fan...

Lake Show:

Why they are unworthy of your support: Because of Sasha... Who wants to fuck your mom... And your girlfriend... At the same time. Because they play in quite possibly the worst city in America (no offense, Phoenix), unless of course you love malt liquor and doughnuts, and at any time of day. Because Phil Jackson isn't half the coach that Red was but his name will still be in the books alongside his anyway (just hopefully below Red's). And because of that huge, insecure cocksucker whom we allow to tickle our collective ballsacks whenever he chooses, only to see him turn up his nose when the slightest hint of odor enters into the picture... As if his undercarriage smells like roses.

Why they are worthy of your support: Because it's the Lakers! Arguably the best franchise in NBA history. All the great players that have donned those jerseys. All the movie stars that pack the stadium. It's glamorous!

Which is why we would never be caught dead supporting these assholes. If every other seat in the stadium wasn't filled with some celebrity's personal assistant, then maybe the Staples Center would be a cool place to play. But probably not, and the court would still be filled with a bunch mediocrites and their temperamental (read: douchey) leader.

Enjoy the games y'all. Happy hating!

Fantasy Advice with Dean from Dean's Home Furniture

People come up to me all the time sayin, "Dean, you ah such a HUGE baseball fan and my fantasy team is STERUGGALIN. Yuh gotta help me!" This happens so often, that I don't even have time to run my furnichuh business. So tell you what I'm gonna do for you. Each week, I'm gonna give you what you need by postin an advice cawlumn in the local papuh. Here's my promise to you: I will find you the best quality playis, at the lowest possible prices... GUARANTEED.

People always come to me askin how they can find bettuh pitchin? You think Jorge De La Rosa coming off back-to-back double-digit strike out appearances is gonna give you what you need?

I DOUBT IT.

Guy doesn't have a win all season, and you think HE'S the solution? Go with Dave Bush. Good K/BB with a sawlid awfense behind him to get you some wins.

The second biggest question that I always hear is, "Dean, my team sucks, and I need more POWUH." So, I says to them, what ah yuh gonna do, keep waitin around fuh David Ortiz or somethin?

I DOUBT IT.

Here's what you do, you drop that stiff, who's absolutely killin me by the way, and pick up ah Hanguk neighbuh from the west, Shin-Soo Choo. God Bless you, hahaha! This guy K's a lot, BUT, he can hit fuh powuh, avridge, and can swipe some bases in the prawcess, as well. Yuh can't go wrong!

Before we proceed, here's a quick advitisement from my competituhs:



You think these goofs ah gonna get you the deal that you need?

I DOUBT IT.

They even stole my tagline! Amuh-chiz!

Okay, back to baseball.

One question that is on ALL people's minds is this; how long do I wait before giving up on my current playis before mining the free agent mahkit fuh somethin new. I say this to them, "A deal is a deal, and you don't wait for that deal to pass you by. Yuh snooze, yuh LOSE," Thehefohe, why wait fuh Garrett Atkins to get his lazy butt awf a the bench, and into high geah? You gotta seize the opuhtunity to make somethin happen and pick up Hank Blalawk. Sure he strikes out a lot, but he hits HOMIS, and plays AWL the time. Bettuh than I can say about Doctuh Atkins ovuh thehe.

Okay folks, that's awl fuh tuhday. Hope this helps. In fact, I don't hope, I KNOW this will help. Think yuh team will still be in last place 2 weeks from now if you follow my advice?

I DOUBT IT.

HEADLINES. . . !

Kenyon Martin rejects Mark Cuban's blog-pology by wildstyling "Apology Not Accepted" on the walls of the American Airlines Center...


Ovechkin: I am still prettier than Sidney Crosby...


Manhunt begins as Mel Kiper missing since April 27th...


Pedro Martinez eager to re-join the DL for one lucky MLB team during the 2009 season...


Boston Bruins fans make short, sad trip back up to New Hampshire, Maine...


Audit commission decides that 11 teams is enough for the Big... 10... Conference...?


David Stern: The best part about Dwight Howard's game is his smile...


Ricky Hatton still not sure what the fuck hit him...


BFF not actually our BFF...

Zen and the Art of Jumping the Sinking Ship

What happens when a man is faced with a season deferred? Does he walk away from the game, journeying into the desert to contemplate what went wrong and how to address the future, if there is indeed a future? Does he just drift into the background, experiencing the remainder of competition from the shadows? His allegiance stored away like a widow's wedding ring worn even beyond the death of one's betrothed. Or does he offer his loyalties elsewhere? Like a royal subject witnessing his majesty's demise at the hands of a new conqueror who is now demanding service, or offering death?

Some people are polistic; loving their city and all it's teams no matter what (fluctuating based on their success, of course), storing revulsion and contempt for all teams from other competing cities. Some of us are wanderers, we may like a baseball team from one region and a football team from a completely different region (typically occurring with people from Connecticut who love the Yankees as well as the Cowboys). Other special types, do not seem to have a horse until the very end. They sit back and enjoy the game for what it is, withholding preference until the final hour, when passions bubble over and a normative judgment is seemingly thrust upon their previously open consciousness. And of course, depending on your disposition, this will determine how you respond if/when your horse is excused from competition.

But are there rules for such "ship-jumping"? Not laws so much, but moral edicts that tell us how to behave whilst our sporting souls wander aimlessly in the ether searching for a temporary home to sublet after the delicate abode which they previously occupied, was washed away in a flood of humiliating defeat. First off, is ship-jumping authorized? Either by the community's own standards (real or imagined), or by our own allowances? Can we allow ourselves to begin supporting a different team that is still alive, in the lieu of our central devotion to our home team? Worse still; what will the neighbors say?

Are you required to lend your support to the team that beats you? The reasoning here would state that, "Since they beat us, if they win out, then it makes us look good, because then we lost to the champs." But this would hold that you are somehow not angered by the team that beat you. Consider the New England Patriots. In 2007, the beat just about everyone, but I really doubt that any of their opponents or their fan bases along the way were pulling for them at any point.

Another route would be the divisional opponent. That any team from your division should be rewarded with your support. This argument seems a little more thin, primarily because your biggest rivals tend to reside in your own team's division. Therefore, how could a Cardinals fan really be called on to support the Cubbies in another disaster-waiting-to-happen trip to the postseason? Just unlikely is all, unless Cardinals are really as soft as I believe them to be.

Or are we inspired by more negative forces? Rather than throwing our support behind a team, do we choose instead to throw out support against a team? In this case, we do not necessarily choose a horse to ride, but we choose a gun with which to shoot a specific horse, and then snort the gelatinous by-product during the victory celebration. In some instances, we may actually even throw our support behind "the best possible chance." We look at a team and think, "This team can beat the Red Wings, so they are on now my team" (until they of course lose to the Red Wings). However, can we really call this option support? If anything, it is more of an anti-support mechanism, and as such, seems even more disposable, and in turn, disingenuous. So, if our "new" team loses in the semi-finals, do we simply lend our support to the new opponent of our enemy (eg. I only support two teams; the Red Sox and whoever is playing the Yankees)?

The most sustainable, albeit least likely option, is to simply lend your support behind the remaining team that you like the most. Now, it should be clear at this point that your speaker is a Boston fan, but that doesn't mean that he still does not favor certain teams over others outside of his own hometown affiliation. Some will disagree with this entirely, maintaining that you should have one team (for a given sport) and one team only. Typically the reasons provided are pride-based, or are wrapped in speculations of "fair-weather fandom." But, I personally never had a problem with lending sub-support to teams even prior to the playoffs. Especially if the team is determined to be support-worthy (by your own rigid criteria, of course), and is not simply some front-running juggernaut who is in no need of additional support, and only serves to satisfy some deep-seated ego disorder for the fan in question.

So, if we can accept the idea of having a "second" team during the regular season, or even a "fail-safe" squad in the postseason, then we must conclude that having a specific interest, or even an absolute interest in the playoffs, rests on having a specific team upon which to focus your attention and passions. Or, is it even possible to be actually vested in the outcome without a specific team to pull for? And if we really wanted to pull this string some more, is it possible to watch any event without picking a personal favorite? I don't think so, but the floor is open for debate.

Therefore, I'm thinking that we need some rules:

Upon what criteria are we allowed to seek out a new team, once our own beloved team has been dispatched?

I'm calling for suggestions, and hopefully we can compile a list for publication later on. Give it here...

To: Morrow

To Morrow,


Let us hope that you are no longer Seattle's closer...

To Morrow.

For serious this time...

Get better, Mark.

Good luck fighting the good fight.

Countdown to 2010... Hospitality Edition

As your may or may not know, the extraodinarily dangerous (oh, and beautiful) country of South Africa will be hosting the World Cup in the summer of 2010. This asshole plans on attending so long as this site starts bringing the appropriate level of advertising revenue. So far we're off to a bad start, but a man can dream, right? Tickets are already on sale as we speak (well, the lottery for tickets is underway), and South Africa is encouraging their citizens to be great hosts. How? Glad you asked! The 2010 Local Organising Committee, the International Marketing Council of South Africa (IMC) and South African Tourism have put their heads together and come up with six ways in which you can be a great 2009 and 2010 host. Here goes (probably) nothing:

1. Be informed

Know what's going down in your own backyard. For pretty much everything you might need to know - about the teams, the venues, the dates, the host cities, the work that's going in to get the country geared - check out:

• Fifa 2009 website
• Fifa 2010 website
• SA government 2010 website
• SA Tourism 2010 website
• 2010 good news
• 2010 readiness updates

2. Support our country

Learn to sing the national anthem. Fly the national flag. We're footballing into the future - don't be left behind!

3. Support our team, support our players

We did it in 1996, and Bafana Bafana came out of international isolation to win the African Cup of Nations. Co-hosts South Korea got behind their team in 2002, and their team responded by upsetting favourites Spain in the quarterfinals to become the first Asian team to reach the World Cup semifinals.

Germany did the same in 2006, and their team - previously written off at home and abroad - went as far as extra time in the semifinals before bowing out to eventual tournament winners Italy.

4. Learn to blow a vuvuzela ...

... Get yourself a makarapa. Wear a Zakumi badge. Follow the games. Talk about them over a pap 'n vleis braai. Get interested. Do any of these things in the spirit of Bafana, and you can count yourself a Bafana Bafana fan!

5. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO to a game!

Buy yourself and your kids/granddad/partner/buddy tickets to a Confederations Cup match. Maybe you're the CEO? Buy tickets for your staff - it'll be the best (and cheapest) corporate bonding outing you ever organise!

And when you go to a game, gents, it's time to ...

6. Do things THE RIGHT WAY

• Get to the stadium an hour before the game.
• Check your ticket, know your number, and sit in your designated seat.
• Don't use the steps as seats.
• Don't bring bottles or other "cellular" to the stadium (if you know what we're talking about, then we're talking to you!)

Since just as many South Africans will read and follow these tips as will read this here blog, allow me to throw a couple more recommendations out there:

1. Try not to murder, rape, or assault your guest

• That's right! Although South Africa is one of the top-ranked (or is it bottom-ranked?) countries in the world with respect to crime, these actions are, in fact, a terrible way to make your guest feel at home in your country. We would encourage you to be as peaceful and polite as possible. Besides, if you kill everyone, then how are going to be able to mug them on future visits?

2. Caring is Sharing, but HIV is for you, and you alone

• While you will surely encounter many, MANY horny internationals that are eager to sample the exotic... cuisine of your rich culture, just know (ladies) that the more contained the virus is, the better off everyone is. And for you guys, women from other countries tend to just be afraid of you. Perhaps this is due to your large... muscles. So please feel free to flirt, but do draw a line in the sand. Unless you encounter a Spaniard, then you are free to do what you will.

3. And lastly, not all whiteys are created the same

• Sure, Apartheid was a terrible practice perpetrated by paternalist, racist douchebags hiding behind a guise of civilized culture and progress, but let's be honest, not ALL of us would have done the same thing. Just the pig-fuckers who strolled in from the Netherlands. So the next time I, or somebody else, refuses to throw a few rands your way, please don't accuse me of having a hand in your past and/or current state of affairs. I'm just a middle class white boy from America who's trying to enjoy your fine country without ending up buried in a township ravine.

That's it for now. So read through these and get practicing! The events are only a year away, and you've got work to do. Can't wait to see the progress you've made. Until then, hang in there! And I still don't know what the fuck a Vuvuzela is!

One Big Halladay

or

Why Roy Halladay is the Best Pitcher Alive:

My personal philosophy is that Roy Halladay's dominance goes under appreciated because of how damn consistent he's been, and how irrelevant the "Fourth Place Jays" have been for the better part of his career. But while other ace pitchers have up-and-down years, battle injuries, become closers then starters and then closers again...Halladay just keeps hurling. No mound theatrics, no attention-grabbing bravado. Just a quiet focus and commitment on winning. Man is as damn professional as they come, and equally surgical in his attack on hitters. Halladay is always the first pitcher I select in a fantasy draft, and not only because of the CG's. There's not a guy in baseball today I'd rather watch pitch, and there's not a guy in baseball I feel less confident in fouling a pitch off against. My favorite part of this guy? How much he craves finishing each game he starts. I took the angry pants off today, so enjoy it Roy.

Did you know that Roy Halladay...

• In the nine seasons that he has thrown at least 100 innings, has only had an ERA over 4.00 once...


• ...and UNDER 3.00 three times.


• has struck out 1336 batters in his 11 seasons; which is 28 more than the number of walks, home runs and earned runs given up COMBINED (1308).


• has lost more than 8 games only once in his career.


• has thrown 41 complete games; 15% of his career starts have gone the distance.


• since 2002, leads the AL in winning percentage (.698), wins (113, for an average of 18.9 per season), shutouts (9), complete games (37) and innings per start (7.14).


• Has 25 consecutive starts in which he's earned a decision.

He's only received a single Cy Young Award. But nobody has been more reliable, more old-school, more intense, more loyal and more under-the-radar than Roy Halladay this decade. Recognize, enjoy and drop some homage to the best pitcher alive.

Now back to your regularly scheduled snark and bile.

How to Lose Money and Alienate People

"You don't know when to quit, do ya Griswold?... Here's an idea: Why don't you give me half the money you were gonna bet, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day!"

Because the Gray's Sports Almanac does not actually exist, many 21st century fanatics (like myself) who need a little extra spice added to our sports love-making regularly wager our hard-earned (and occasionally stolen) money on the outcome of sporting events and/or seasons. It's a truly remarkable viewing-enhancing substance, this gambling. Nothing can make a Raptors/Kings ABC Game-of-the-Week at 9 AM on Saturday morning more interesting than a nice little $10 parlay. (By the way, don't you EVER bet on the Kings. Ever).

Most people don't actually bet on sports to win money. Hopefully because most people I know aren't arrogant enough to believe they are smarter and more educated and insightful about Team X than a Vegas oddsmaker who, you know, does this for a living. Most people I know bet on sports because it makes the game more interesting, and occasionally validates that you, as a geeked-out fan, might actually know a thing or two about your favorite sport/team/athlete/golfer/animal/motorized vehicle/golfer. That way if you win, you can move forward acting like an arrogant prick much smarter, more educated and insightful than any toolbag in some square cubicle who, you know, does this for a living!

Though, if you're trying to avoid that "just-been-kicked-in-the-nuts" feeling come this NFL season (is it still only May?!), I provide you with the early Over/Under Win Totals for each NFL team this season, complete with my Picks-to-Click to help you turn that $20 into $38.94 from Bodog. I'm just gonna link to the O/U's, and provide my commentary below. Not all teams will be treated equally, because who gives a dogshit about the Bucs anyways?

http://www.lasvegassun.com/blogs/sports/2009/apr/27/betting-lines-posted-nfl-team-season-wins/


Bengals UNDER 5.5 wins

I've got early money on the Bengals as the worst team in the NFL this year. They lost their best/only reliable offensive weapon and are riding the Ced Benson Experience in the backfield. Despite a strong draft, Chad 85's virtual insanity, Marvin Lewis' chop job and an abyssmal defense get Cincy 5 wins...maybe.

Dolphins UNDER 8 wins

This offense got exposed last season when the Wildcat became less cool! and innovative! and more predictable and gimmicky. They've got a difficult schedule and Chad Pennington still has the arm of a schoolchild.

Vikings OVER 8.5 wins

Sans BFF, of course. If there's a BFF sighting in St. Paul, I retract this statement and would like to go on record with a 7 win prediction for the Queens. Best player and best defense in the division OUGHT to be good for an above .500 season. Ought to.

Eagles OVER 9 wins

While all their division opponents were either subtracting valuable players or pissing off valuable players, the Eagles added Pro-Bowlers and game-changers. It feels like McNabb's Last Stand in Philly, and double-digit wins seems likely.

Jets UNDER 8 wins

Because, DAMN this is a shitty and disarray-ed football team. Kellen Clemens? Yikes.

Other potential tantalyzing wagers:

Broncos over 7.5 (Neckbeard Vindication)

Raiders under 5.5

Steelers over 10.5.

Now go out there and win yourself some money and pride! And if not, make sure to come on back here. I just bought some steel-toed boots...

You're Not Wrong...

You're just a bad parent, Ernest Provetti.

Seriously, why on earth would you need an apology for that? Maybe if you were watching out for your son, instead of being so wrapped up in the game, you would have had the wits about you to shield your son from the 300 pound gentleman, tumbling in your direction.

The second reason you are a bad father, is that you're teaching your son to be a BIG pussy. Shit happens, friend. After you get cut off on the road, do you follow the driver to their destination and demand an apology for the perceived slight? Do you have that much time on your hands? Are you that temperamental? Or, do you just love the justice that an apology can restore? Glen Davis just hit the biggest shot of his LIFE, and sorry if he cannot be held responsible for his actions afterward. Hopefully in time he can check his emotions, but it was like the dude just busted his first nut. Forgive him for glowing.

So your son got bumped. He might have a small bruise. Your fucking newborn baby didn't just get stepped on. But it wouldn't surprise me if you were dumb enough to bring your preemie to sit courtside, considering your recent slide into ridiculous actions. And now your son should be rightfully picked on at school for daddy coming to his rescue and demanding an apology for "excessive celebration." You probably let him sit at the bar before the game don't you? And when you go to the zoo, do you let him stick his arms into the polar bear cage?

Too bad the NBA cares so much, otherwise Big Baby wouldn't have been forced to apologize by David Stern, and we could all laugh at what a self-righteous prick you are. I'm still gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

Happy Baby Mama Day Y'all

Now I know it's a little late. I know this. But usually I'm always on time. I come at just the right time. I've had a lot of practice and I pride myself on bein' a professional. It's the girls that always be late.

Late as in...

"It's late. Can I just sleep here tonight?"

"My period is late."

"Lately, my mood is just up and down cause you got me pregnant."

Just the other day, the judge tol' me that I was late. I said, "Late for what?" He said, "On yuh chile support." I said, "Hell naw. I just ain't payin."

But anyway, I never understood "Mama Day", cause I mean, without daddy, they ain't no mamas. And without people like myself, well, let's just say their would be a whole lot fewer mamas out there that be celebratin' today. So from now on, I don't celebrate Mama Day. I mean, I love my mama, but does she really deserve her own day? I just don't know about that.

So from now on, I don't call it Mama Day. I call it "Daddy Day". And in honor of this day, I gotta go get my celebration on. Here's a few condoms for yourself, I ain't gon be needin em where I'm goin...

Why Hockey is... You know

Awesome.



This would be the hockey version of an alley oop... Because in basketball, they can just feel so contrived. Especially when Lebron James is involved.

This is Manny...

Manny had Bitch Tits.

My name is Manny.

I was a juicer. You know, using steroids. HCG, then hormonal therapy, they use for expecting mothers for Christ sakes. And now I'm bankrupt, I'm divorced, my two grown kids won't even return my calls...

They're gonna have to open my pecs again to drain the fluid.

I'm still a man...

I am not sure if this speaks to the slow nature of baseball, or if it is simply because Manny is the first REAL name to be caught in a drug test for PED's, but I did at least want to add to the hype a little more, even though we reached saturation point at about 7PM EDT on Thursday.

But what I'm really here to do is give you the real story.

The long hair?

The bizarre attempt to say this was being used for personal, medical reasons and not for performance enhancement?

The move to California?

It all speaks to one singular, unequviocal fact:

Manny Ramirez will soon be undergoing a sex change operation.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Allow me to introduce...

The Mangina.

The QB That Dare Not Speak His Name Or:

How I learned to stop worrying and just hate the bastard.


Let me tell you a little about our BFF...

Our BFF is a raging douchebag.

He acts like a little ol' golly gee shucks country boy, who doesn't know any better. But let's face it, a pile of shit is a pile of shit whether it was dropped off on a farm or on a metropolitan avenue.

Our BFF also happens to be a liar.

He tells you one thing, and then you believe me because well, look how he dumb he is! He could never pull one over on some sharp cats like us... But then he does, again and again, and we fall for it each and every time.

People consider our BFF to be one of the greatest football players of all-time.

He has great stats. But he also has terrible stats. To be fair, he is also one of the worst football players of all-time and has even cost at least one coach his job.

Our BFF is sometimes referred to as a "Gunslinger".

The reason for this is because of is ornery personality and his penchant for choking in the clutch, but not because he has any history of ever actually having slung guns.

Our BFF is also referred to as a "Cumbubbler", a "Cocksucker", a "Phony excuse for a human being", and potentially a "Baby-Killer".

The reason for this is because he is in fact, ALL of the above.

Our BFF is not welcome in his (soon-to-be) new home.

The people there have hated him forever. But since their home team has sucked forever, they will probably come to love him. Until he undoubtedly destroys their season sometime around week 15... Or earlier.

Our BFF is only welcome in one place.

These people still fucking LOVE him, even though he attempted to sabotage their efforts to replace him and even provided inside tips to divisional opponents during the previous season. As fate would have it, those tips were of no help. But love him they still do... Because they're dumb.

Our BFF has a name, but you will never see it mentioned on this blog.

He is not worthy of having a human name any longer, because he is not a human. He is a flaming bag of douche, and will be referred to in kind. Besides, BFF is close enough.

For more info on our BFF, please consult the BFF homepage.

Fuck you, BFF.

Proprietary Non-Sense In Our Nation's Capital

Some disturbing news from the "Our home fans suck, so we have to artificially tip the scales in their favor" file. According to the Washington Post Capitals majority owner Ted Leonsis has restricted ticket sales for the Penguins-Capitals series to to a specific district encompassing the "states" of Maryland, DC, and Virginia. And the dicksucker sees no problem with this:

"... I don't feel any shame in this. I think I'm doing exactly the right thing, and I don't feel I need to apologize. There's other franchises and other teams that want to sell tickets, and really don't care who they sell it to. But frankly, I do, and I think I'm doing the right thing the right way."

You see what the problem is Ted, is that other owners either A) don't need to worry about who buys their tickets because they have loyal fans who support their hometown team or B) face up to the fact that, although their team finished 2nd in the conference, their fans suck and deserve to lose home ice advantage.

The San Diego Chargers pulled a similar tactic during the 2007 playoffs. It didn't work out in their favor, and if I believed in bullshit, I'd say that this is karma at work. But I think it has more to do with an incomplete team spurring owner's insecurity toward cowardly business practices.

With the exception of season ticketholders, everyone has the same opportunity to purchase tickets for a playoff games. Assuming that the home team has a decent amount of season ticketholders and that Penguins fans are more concerned about buying tickets for games closer to their geographical location, then the ratio of hometown fans to visiting fans should be fairly secure. And what the fuck? If I live in Florida, but happen to be a lifetime Caps fan, then I can only buy tickets from some scumbag DC scalper? Buuuullshit.

How to think this one through, Ted. You think you're doing yourself and your fans a favor, but you're only expressing a lack of faith in your valued possession as well as your clientele. Pussy.

Psychoanalytic Musings with Dr. b. Lee

On Confidence and the Cool; Pierce vs. Pacquiao

On Saturday night two victors walked off the stage and into their respective locker rooms. One with a scowl and the other with a smile. Performers have different ways of "getting up" for competition. They also have different dispositions during competition. Some people are all business; "doing their job" without even noticing the crowd and letting the ball, their fists, or their all-around play do the talking. Others use the crowd as a sort of weapon, wielding it against their opponent, while verbal jabs are hurled at opponents on and off the field of play.

Why is that athletes behave in either fashion? Some maintain a more reserved appearance while others visibly react to everything and seemingly need to add something extra to the game, whether it is in the form of talking trash or general theatrics. And is one approach better than the other? Is one more detrimental to the health of an individual competition or to the game at large? And is one approach more beneficial than the other, or in other words, is one approach "more fun"?

Prior to taking the ring in last Saturday's fight against Ricky Hatton, the cameras closed in on Manny Pacquio before he made his entrance. Typically a fighter will have a stern look of determination on their face prior to a bout, feeling the need to stay focused. However, when we see Pacquiao, he is grinning from ear to ear. It's as if he were about to take part in a parade rather than a boxing match. He was perfectly calm, serene even, yet ready, and apparently, absolutely confident.

Basketball players also seem to oscillate between these two extremes. Sometimes during the pre-game shoot around you see players stone-faced, getting mentally prepared for the game. Other times you can see players clowning around as if it were just another shoot around before practice, perhaps trying to work out the butterflies. But, rarely will you see the kind of "just happy to be here" look that we witnessed on the face on Pacquiao prior to the fight.

Normally, an argument would be, "Well, Sport A does not require the same kind of intensity and mental strength as a basketball game." But, in this case we're talking about boxing. If any sport required intensity, mental strength, and execution, boxing would most likely be at the extreme. However, Pacquiao seemed to rise above this. During the Pacquiao vs. Hatton 24/7 series, the majority of the barbs were slung from the Hatton camp. However, Pacquiao's side remained calm and relatively silent in the face of this assault. What is more, is that this onslaught did not seem to fire up Manny at all. There was no "bulletin board" material for Pacquiao, perhaps because he didn't want it. But probably because he didn't need it.

Maybe Pacquiao is just a transcendent figure, so wrapped up in his faith and his preparation that the outside world and his opponent do not even seem to exist prior to fight night. He doesn't need fodder or any extra motivation. He just needs to get himself ready.

Does such a figure exist in basketball? Or is basketball simply a different animal. Trash seems to be a part of basketball. You always need to get an edge on an opponent, one way or another, and mind games are a part of that. But, I do not think this plays as big of a role as some would like to believe. More often than not, the trash, or the histrionics appear to be more aimed at drawing positive attention to the actor, rather than negative attention to the actor's opponent. This hearkens back to a previous piece on the dispositions and tendencies of Kobe and TO.

Recall game 6 of the Bulls-Celtics series; Pierce starts to get warm in the 4th quarter; hitting back-to-back shots and putting the Celts up by 8 with under 4 minutes to go. As soon as he hits the latter of these shots, he turns to the Bulls bench and barks at them. Now, what competitive advantage is gained by such a tactic? Clearly not much, considering the fact that Chicago ended up winning the game. And more globally, how did this improve the game at all? Did it add more excitement to the game, or more "fun"?
Or was there a negative effect? Did Pierce lose concentration? By focusing on the yapdogs on Chicago's bench, did Pierce take his mind off the game, in turn helping Chicago recover and force the game into overtime? Of course, there is no way of knowing this, but it is difficult to see any benefit in jawing with people who are not even in the game to begin with. Sometimes of course a player needs fuel to get going. Someone from the crowd says something, maybe someone on the other team says something, and like a switch, the player starts performing. But again, this would also seem to argue against this whole concept of talking trash, for the opponent was aided by such a tactic.

Instead, maybe if Pierce kept his focus on the court, against his actual opponents, then maybe he bottles that fire, plays defense a little harder, and the Celts finish the series in 6, as opposed to 7 games. Or maybe, Pierce requires this release, either for his own personal need for attention, or perhaps because without this release he ends up committing a hard foul.

Or, perhaps basketball simply attracts this disposition; ostentatious athletes with a knack for theatrics in addition to making big shots. Basketball today is simply an outgrowth of its players, rather than an independent framework within which the players are forced to work. Talking trash isn't necessarily a part of the game (although Larry Bird and Michael Jordan were doing it in the 80's), but it has become one due to the nature of the games' actors. But this theory would seem too cookie-cutter, and would not take into account silent assassins such as the JZA.

Considering the history of boxing, the history of the pomp and circumstance, and the seeming necessity for boxers, their trainers, and promoters to talk and talk all the way up to fight night, Manny Pacquiao is surely an aberration. But, this cannot be considered a bad thing. If trash talk and promotions were all that mattered, then why would the fight even take place? People do not pay $50 to hear Don King speak, they do so to watch the fight.

The point is that in order to enjoy an event, trash talk and/or grandiose displays of selfishness are not necessary to the overall enjoyment level of the game. Sure, if Josh Smith threw down that between the legs dunk against the Heat, it would have been cool. Maybe the Heat even would have stepped up and not been so awful in game 7. There is no way of knowing. But one thing is for sure, no matter how much you talk, or dance, or scowl, it all comes down to execution, and execution stands on it's own. I'd rather watch Pacquiao smile his way in and out of the ring any day of the week, rather than watch a loser dance and jaw his way into the loss column.