Boobs?

Take a close look, Ache-Man, because there has gotta be some nice bare titties in there somewhere.  Especially when you consider the fact that this picture is directed squarely at the bare-breasted capital of the continents: Mama Africa... Bras always optional.

But these aren't the boobs that we want to focus on at the moment.  No, we want to talk about the fatty breasticles that managed to vote a modern-day, journeyman stiff into the All-Star game's starting lineup.  Generally, I have no problem with such brazen exposure, but in this case, allow me to play the roll of an insecure censor pressured by a few stay-at-home moms with too much time on their hands, breathing down my neck, because Janet Jackson just flashed her A-cup to the world. (Oh, picture found... HERE... And oh, what the hell? Here you go).

Go on...

3...

Walkin' a Mile in No Shoes At All.


Across the Atlantic Ocean, in the middle of the Sahara, whole villages are being burned to the ground, mothers and daughters are being raped, children are being slaughtered and nothing is being done about it.

Western Sudan is a fucking disaster. The atrocities being committed there are at least on par with that Saddam coordinated prior to his dismissal. The only difference in this case is that Saddam was not actively trying to eradicate the entire Shi'a population, unlike the current regime in Sudan who has made it a point to kill as many African civilians as possible in Darfur.

Most Americans either do not know much about the situation in Darfur, or they just don't give a shit. The US government has by and large been silent on the issue, seemingly preoccupied with the current tw0-front war being waged across the Middle East. Which is why it is nice to see one of the more visible figures in American culture lending his press power to the cause.

Often times celebrities choose to throw their weight behind a particular cause. Rock stars will write songs about hunger, actors will adopt babies from Bangladesh, pampered heiress' will come to the "aid" of their gay friends. We pretend to care, we act like we contribute by buying the album, seeing the movie, or buying that cute top. We expect this behavior from such public figures, whether or not it actually makes an real impact or not is debatable. But rarely do we see this kind of behavior from athletes. Athletes, either out of ignorance, apathy, or fear of sponsor reprisal, never seem to publicly speak out with respect to political affairs.

Sure, we saw Lebron come out in favor of Obama last summer, but considering the results of the November election, this was about as controversial as choosing Coke over Pepsi. Tracy McGrady, rather than just talking, has actually done something. He recently traveled to Chad in order to visit with some of the displaced Sudanese refugees. And since then he has been speaking to people across the country in order to drum up awareness not only of the crisis, but also in order to raise money for to meet the specific needs of the refugees.

This seems different from the average Hollywood starlet placing a pin over over her collar, and not only due to the fact that McGrady's actions are so uncommon given his profession. Rather, his actions seem to have a significance simply due to their potential alone. Athletes are generally larger than life figures both in stature and lifestyle. Unlike actors or musicians, who can hide in their respective studios, athletes are constantly visible, yet we continuously stand in awe of them. Even a contrarian such as Benny DC would still be noticeably stirred in the presence of a figure such as a Shaq, or even a Terrell Owens.

The average athlete does more for his or her community, country, and world than any average citizen, and we, the fan, preach that this is the way it should be. After all, they're fucking rich. They should do these things. But at the same time, we don't want to be preached to. "That's fine Brangelina, but just cause you wanted to give the poor Asian baby a better life, doesn't mean you have to rub it in my face." But aside from the money and the prestige, any average citizen can do the exact same thing. The NBA Cares! Well so do I, goddamn it. I can sign up for Habitat for Humanity and rebuild the Lower 9th... but the game is on in like 10 minutes, so...

But that's the very point; when someone like McGrady gets involved like this, it is different, and all aspects of his life come into play including his size, lifestyle, charisma, and reach. He is a walking billboard, but like none we have ever seen. The off-court actions of an athlete resonate in a different way than the movie star or the musician, because we attach ourselves to the athlete in a different way. The movie star and the musician's actions unfold in an orchestrated manner. Scene 7, take 4. 3rd song, 2nd set. There is neither a script, no setlist for the athlete because the game is dictated by too many variable elements, and the athlete must operate within these fluctuating circumstances... And we watch it all unfold, seeing how the athlete responds to real life stimulus.



Sure, Tracy looks about as clueless in some of the scenes as any of us would were we thrown into a Rockets-Lakers game in the middle of the 3rd quarter. And that's the best part about it. Because he is trying just as hard in this situation, as we would in that situation. But what is important is that Tracy has chosen to step down from his tower of untouchability and dropped into the real world. In fact, he has dropped to a place that is even below the real world, and has invited us all the follow. Follow down to the places that we would rather not even think about on a day to day basis. But if the high profile that he has brought to this situation, combined with his leadership skills developed on the court, can get not just the common person off of their ass, but also more athletes, then this could be a watershed moment.

This ain't Dhani Jones Tackles the Globe, folks. There's no contract in it for McGrady. In fact, there's really nothing in it for him at all. But there's something in it for us, and there is definitely something in it for those suffering across the world. And so in the face of all the misery that we typically choose to turn away from, for once we can acknowledge it and maybe even grin in the face of it, albeit for a brief moment. And we can thank the new number 3 for that.

You Ever Caught for Carlos Zambrano?

You ever caught for Carlos Zambrano... ON WEED???

Last November, voters in Massachusetts overwhelmingly decided to decriminalize marijuana. If less than one ounce of marijuana is found in your possession, then the maximum penalty is a $100 fine, with no criminal record of the incident. The good people of Massachusetts basically stated, "If you smoke weed, then who gives a shit? We got better things to worry about." And with good reason, because honestly, if you think smoking marijuana is a crime, then move to Malaysia and get a job with the government, you will fit right in... You jackass.

Better still, go work for the WWL.

Geovany Soto tested positive for Marijuana during the World Baseball Classic this passed Spring and unlike the good people of Massachusetts, ESPN decided they should make a big deal out of it. However, ESPN does not treat these stories with the same gravity as they would, say a PED story. When Manny Ramirez tested positive for whatever the hell he tested positive the mood down in Bristol most closely resembled a funeral. At times it felt as if Manny was some kind of victim. At best, he was a cautionary tale, rather than an outright cheater who should exposed and ridiculed for his actions. Most likely, however, ESPN was simply mourning the loss of a default story line; Manny went 0 for 4 in the game, but look! He has dreadlocks! Oh, Manny.

Contrast the tone of the Sotojuana story with that of the Manny saga. ESPN was derisive with Soto, even to the point of being hypocritical. On the one side, ESPN wants to embarrass Soto, painting him as some kind of fool that deserves to be mocked because, well, only clowns smoke weed, right? But then out of the other side of their mouth, they make light out of the situation.

Banter

Stu Scott: Stone Cold Soto's apparently more concerned with appeasing his craving for munchies, then boosting his OPS.

/Chuckles

Neil Everett: Yeah, his numbers might not be high as last year, but he most certainly is...

/Guffaws.

Ahem, but seriously kids, smoking weed is wrong, and Mr. Soto has really set a bad example.

Stu Scott: Wrong like Cheech n' Chong... Oops!

/Explosions of laughter.

Now of course ESPN needs to report this information to it's consumers. But it's the manner in which it is reported that is an issue. Either it just report it, condemn it, or defend the guy. After you do that, leave it the fuck alone. But ESPN can't help itself. The next day after the report surfaced, writers over at the WWL just couldn't resist referring to Soto in a dismissive tone. From Friday, June 26th:

[The Cubs win] and they can thank Geovany Soto, of all people, for that.

And as the headline from the scoreboard read:

...Soto atones as Cubs top ChiSox

Atones for what? Every night after a game, players descend upon their favorite restaurant, bar, or club and get drunk. They don't get tested for alcohol that night or even the following morning and fans go blissfully unaware of the previous nights shenanigans. Except in the case of one Nick Adenhart. Not only was the driver that hit Adenhart's vehicle drunk, but so too was Adenhart, as well as Adenhart's driver. To my knowledge, we don't have intensive laws against high-driving, and to date, there haven't been many (or any) deadly car accidents because the driver was driving high, and only going 20 in a 35... Because the driver was so high.

The Adenhart incident is a tragedy and there is no attempt to paint the departed in a negative light. We have all either gotten behind the wheel, or allowed some other impaired driver bring us home, while drunk. But, which is the the greater threat? Getting high, or getting drunk? The results seemingly speak for themselves, but the decision is ultimately yours.

One thing is for certain, this was not Soto's first meeting with Mary Jane and it certainly won't be his last, he'll just more careful about the timing. So, if a 26 year-old man can climb his way into the Bigs, getting high on occasion (or often), and (most likely) not seriously endangering his or anyone else's life, then what is the issue? No, weed does not necessarily impact performance. No, he should not have to apologize for his actions. No, children do not take their pot-smoking cues from professional athletes who have tested positive for dope. Yes, you are ignorant if you think otherwise.

So pump the breaks, ESPN. Either laugh it off and chalk it up to the over-hyped non-sense that it is, or just report it as news. Shit, I got high this morning and still went to work. Think my boss or anyone else around me knows? Aside from the other person that's high, the answer is "Hell nah." Whatever you do, don't mount your high horse and make this young man feel any worse than he already does. He's already been embarrassed more than he should have been and doesn't need you piling on (as if he needs it, have you seen the dude's numbers lately? KILLING my fantasy squad). It's just some weed... There's no slippery slope here... Take a cue from Massachusetts and for once, ride a refreshing wave of just apathy.

For serious this time...

Get better, Mark.

Good luck fighting the good fight.

Pardon the Homerism

So, we never began this project with the intention of turning it into a polistic meditation on local sports teams, our individual hopes and fears, combined with a glaring distaste for divisional, regional, and historical rivals. In fact, the original intent was to be as anonymously mysterious as possible as to our whereabouts, affiliations, and orientation. We were to utilize this literary platform as an outlet to express our opinions, realize our creative capacities, and in some instances, just blow off some steam.


However, it seems that the playoffs bring out the animal within us all, forcing our passions to the forefront and bumping the balancing tendencies of our wisdom to the back of the bus. Our victory-starved attentions are devoted strictly to the prize at hand and we cannot be concerned with the menial details that often command our excitement-seeking minds, that are so easily led to wander during the stillness of the pre-elite season.

But the question is begged, does this apparent bias necessarily impact the quality and output of the project at hand, specifically the material put forth on this blog? The blogosphere is rife with sites devoted specifically to local coverage, and while some are crass exercises in over-the-top, manicheanism, specialization should not be dismissed outright. After all, while proximity can certainly restrain one from seeing the big picture, it can also produce a valuable microscopic viewpoint that allows the casual viewer the insight into the details that make a team or individual support-worthy and/or worthy of disdain... or even indifference.

What is more, is it easier to present a less biased scope of material if you happen to reside in an area, or if your support rests in an historically unsuccessful region? It is an absolute rule, that when your hometown team is not performing, your interest, and interest at large, declines. Call it being a fair-weather fan, but this phenomenon is completely natural. Sure, you still love your team, but in order to maintain a heightened interest in your sport of choice, you latch onto different aspects of the game. Maybe you begin closely following just one player from your team (In 2006, I became an early Rondo advocate in lieu of the C's dreadful performances) players from other teams in the league (the year prior I became a big Nash fan). It is almost as if your love of the game, while not allowing you to continuously support the floating turd that is your home team, pushes you toward something positive within that game. For the positive force of pulling for something, is so much greater than the negative energy of pushing against something. Generally, speaking.

On the flip side, and forgive this, but if you live in Boston where the Red Sox, Patriots, and Celtics have been having great success in recent years, the positive is provided to you without needing to hit the road in search of a new object in which to invest your passion. Therefore, your passions are occupied with something familiar, which you have essentially been trained, and even brain-washed, to love throughout your entire life. And so, you enjoy talking about it, and you are capable of doing so, and therefore, you do so. And if you are good at it, well then maybe you open a new minds in the process, or at least spur some healthy debate.

I am not saying that this validates the noticeable turn in content on this site. However, I am saying that there is a reason, which is at the very least is debatable, and should not be dismissed in this case. We will strive toward the objective more and more in the future as we mature, but allegiances will be apparent regardless of our best practices, and biases will be presented no matter how hard we fight against them. However, unless these tendencies lead to a clear and demonstrable reduction in quality of content, then all normative judgments should be left aside... and/or to yours truly.

Psychoanalytic Musings from Dr. b. Lee

On Respect; Comparing apples to apples, pt. 2

Some may charge that I'm kidding myself in comparing TO and KB. KB doesn't have the same problems with teammates as TO. But, did we forget about the whole Shaq debacle? Did you forget about what he said leading up to the 2007-8 season regarding his teammates and the team's owner? Does Kobe not "act out" on the court?

I would charge that the only difference between the two is their access to the limelight. KB gets the ball whenever he wants. Therefore, he doesn't need to whine about it… Because he would. TO on the other hand is subject to play-calling, route-running, the safety blitz, and the Cowboys shitty offensive line. These are constraints that KB does not know. If KB were only allowed to touch the ball on every 4th possession, how do you think he would respond? One can suspect that if this were the case, KB would be mailing it in a lot more often (than he already does).

But the substantive similarity is undeniable. These men are two of the best performers in their respective sports. However, they behave as if they were two up-and-comers that needed to separate themselves from the pack. Histrionics and masturbatory celebrations are not fun, they don’t add any additional entertainment value to the game, they certainly aren’t boosting any profiles, and don't you dare call them clever. They’re a cry for help from those who are emotionally underdeveloped and insatiably egocentric. These accessories to a player's “repertoire” only serve to detract from their legacy and from their standing in the eyes of the average fan.

So Kobe and Terrell I say unto you, keep it quiet, keep it cool, and just fucking relax. Then you'll realize and keep the respect. Even if you still don't think you're getting enough of it.

Psychoanalytic Musings with Dr. b. Lee

On respect; comparing apples to apples, pt. 1

There's a phenomenon that occurs to people who are highly visible to the public eye. Some cannot properly "handle" such a life, either due to our own perceptions (they're merely fuck ups, but we blame their being fuck ups on the fact that they're wealthy and famous) or just because the pressure is too great and they fold under it (like a star basketball player that can score 30 points a game, but misses the last two free throws which would clinch the game).

However, there are some highly recognizable figures, let's call them "athletes", that never seem to settle into their role properly. They never appear to be secure, there are frequent "issues" that emerge and seem to follow them wherever they go. The perfect example of this phenomenon is Terrell Owens. Terrell Owens is an extraordinary football player. Over the course of his 13 seasons in the NFL, he is averaging over 1,000 yards receiving per season, 10 touchdowns per season, and 14 new, irreconcilable relationships per season. Even at the ripe old age of 35 the man is still producing, and at the moment, due to his physical conditioning, he is showing no signs of slowing down. He essentially has the body of a 25 year old man, with the maturity of a 15 year old boy.

TO has arguably been the best wide receiver in football over the last decade. Everyone seems to know how great he is (as much as we hate to admit it). Even TO seems to know how great he is, which is why one would think he is always clamoring on the sidelines when he is not getting the ball thrown his way (I’m good! Fucking use it!). However, the only thing that TO doesn't seem to know, is that everyone already knows he is a great receiver. He appears to be so uncomfortable with his standing in the pantheon of wide receivers, that he feels the need to supplement his game, and the perception thereof, with his mouth. He catches a touchdown pass, which we may have even marveled at, and then performs some kind of "celebration" as if to say, "Look at me, I caught a touchdown pass!" Yes, honey, we all saw it, you did a great job. Now get off the field.

Everyone knows who TO is. Everyone knows how good he is.

So why does he always feel the need to act out? Does being an elite wide receiver in the NFL not get him the attention that he feels he deserves? If he didn't perform touchdown celebrations, or if he didn't call out his teammates and his coaches on the sideline or at press conferences, would he be considered a lesser player as a result? In reality, it seems the opposite is true. If he kept his mouth shut, if he left the clown nose in his locker, then I get the feeling the public would have even greater respect for him and appreciate his performance even more.

Another example of this phenomenon, although in what some might call a less "extreme" version, is Kobe Bryant. Kobe Bryant is arguably the best basketball player in the NBA at the moment, and could very easily be considered one of the 10 best players of all-time at the end of his career. KB (for the purpose of consistency) after winning 3 titles early in his career has seemingly struggled to step out of Shaq's enormous shadow simply because he has not won a title in LA's post-Shaq era.

Or has he? Was KB ever truly consumed by Shaq's shadow? Or was this just the machinations of the (“liberal fucking”) media? Or even worse, was this all made up in KB's head?

Today Shaq is merely a personality. More to be gawked at in public, than concerned about on the court (non-sense All-Star selection aside). KB is the show, even if he sometimes shares the stage with Lebron (LJ... shoot, LBJ?). He is a brilliant basketball player that can alter games all by himself. KB ultimately decides if the game is won or lost.

Everyone knows that KB has this ability. Everyone knows how good he is.

So after making a big shot why does he give us the "Elephant" dance? After a win, why does he pop his shirt at the opposing fans? Yes, sweetie, we know you can make big shots and that you play for the Lakers. Now get off the floor before you are assaulted by the recently bankrupt gentleman in Row G.

Wouldn't we be more impressed if after making a game-changing shot, if KB just jogged down the floor, straight-faced and cool? Or if after a win in hostile territory, he simply strolled off the floor with a deep calm in his eyes? I don’t know, maybe as if just to say, “I know. Now you do, too.“