Blogsturbation Monday

Saturday night this cat got to witness three (3!) Shoot-outs thank to the combined power of NESN and the NHL Network.  I saw Rick Nash on a breakaway.  I saw Alexander Ovechkin on a breakaway. I saw Nicklas Backstrom on a breakaway.  I saw Daniel Alfredsson on a breakaway and it was fucking fantastiiiiic.  Sure, it is a strange way to resolve the game, but it is effective and makes ties impossible, which is always a good thing.  Besides, the shoot-out disappears once the playoffs start, so that they never have any over-arching say in a potentially season-ending situation.  Which is a good thing.

Go on...

32 Things

As you may or may not have noticed, this blog is strongly biased toward two things in life: football and music.  We try to unify the two in print as well as we do in our own minds, but these things do not necessarily translate all that well when traveling between the abstract to the tangible.  But this new segment appears to be prepped for success and understanding.  It combines our favorite sport with one of our favorite songs and the two get along just fine, even if it is also combined with one of our least favorite things; NFL recap posts.  Regardless, it's 32 Things!

32 Things - moe.

Texans: So that's that, I guess.  Although we are already excited about you being overrated heading into next season.

Lions: You know your life is fading away when you're playing in Detroit they decide to play the rookie with the separated shoulder instead of you.

Chargers: Lookout AFC...

Go on...

En Route: Workin'

Few ways we could proceed after posting a lead photo such as that... But I'm just going to let that picture speak for itself rather than embarassing myself or tarnishing nearly 150 years of slave-free society.  The point is, my ass is at work today, and I'm sweating as if I were in the fields pre-cotton gin thanks to skunky 4th of July beer than ma and pa made sure to hang onto just for my visit on this special occasion.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that skunky 4th of July beer was actually Thanksgiving beer from the year before, so I guess it was fitting after all.

And as a matter of fact, I'm not sure if the beer is the problem, or if I'm still reeling from those sorry excuses for football game yesterday.  Holy balls.  There was not one second of drama, let alone entertainment provided by any of those games yesterday.  3 blowouts, 2 meaningful fantasy performances, and 1 pretty awesome bomb of a completion just does not cut it.  The good news?  The average margin of victory is now only 23.  So although Greg Jennings and Steve Smith didn't do shit for you fantasy teams yesterday, a full 2 point drop in average Thanksgiving blowout occurred, so you can always hang your (en route) non-playoff bound hat on that development.

And while you are all sleeping, eating, and mainly, NOT WORKING, feel free to enjoy the following:

• If a curse is uttered on the NFL Network, does it make a sound? (Sports by Brooks)
• If you happen to be making your Christmas list and also love hockey, well, here you go (World Hockey Blog)
• Still hungry?  Well here's a low-carb alternative to the Baby Bird* (Basketball Jones)
• What this segment probably should look like (Sportress of Blogitude)

Happy super duper long weekend y'all.  Fuckers.

*Baby Bird = Turkey, stuffing, cranberry stuff... and maybe mayo if you're into that.  Go ahead, it's a better name than whatever you've not been calling it. 

THE SHEET®: Week 12

Scavenger Hunt Edition

What is with the Thanksgiving schedule?  Why is it unbelievably bad each and every year?  The most recent "good" game we have witnessed on Fuck You Turkey Day when the 6-4 Chiefs upended the 7-3 Broncos 19-10 at Arrowhead.  19 to 10!  THAT is the best game we have seen in the last three years.  Since then, the average margin of victory on the holiday has been 25 points.  Good for fantasy, bad for casual viewing.

Go on...

Feliz Thanksgiving

It is out first Thanksgiving here at FSD, so we have yet to develop any kind of solid tradition or holiday-related segment.  But, because we pride ourselves on being rogue, un-patriotic, and occasionally sardonic, we are offering our thanks in the least traditional manner possible: en espanol... Sort of and only because we're not ironic enough to know how "Thank you" is said in Algonquin.

So let's run it down the line starting at the far end of the color spectrum... And literally.

Go on...

Practicin' with Spazzy McGee

BQ: WOOOOOO!!!

LET'S STRETCH IT OUT, BOYS!  YEAHHHHH!!!

Coach Mangini: All right, fellas, bring it in.

BQ: YEAHHH!!! LET'S CIRCLE IT THE FUCK UP.

THIS AIN'T A CIRCLE JERK, HOMOS, SO KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!

Go on...

THE SHEET®: Week 11 Results

Experimentations galore!

Deuce is experimenting with winning.  b. is experimenting with debt.  Ginge is experimenting with heartbreak.  Jables is experimenting with irrelevance.  I would say absenteeism for our latter participant, but 10 years of experience hardly qualifies as mere experimentation.

We also gave the FSD FAN SHEET (patent pending) a run, and although there was only one participant amongst the dozen... DOZEN! of FSD Fans, one Donk the Honkey put on a veteran performance... That is if any of us veterans could go above .500 for one week.  All in all, I'd say the last experiment is here to stay so long as our current commenters and eventual commenters can keep it afloat.

Scavenger Hunt Sheet will be up tomorrow in time for Fuck You Turkey Day.  In the meantime, peruse at your leisure.

FSD MEGA Bowl I

Deuce Wins... God damn it.

It wasn't much of a match to be honest, as the Pink-Eyed Peas essentially hog-tied and slam-raped Romeo's Love Gun (136-96).  Ol' Deucer get help from the Greg "I'm generally a piece of shit" Jennings.  Oh, and it didn't hurt that his kicker decided to score 14 points either.  Also, Deuce, ever being the opportunist, was provided with some heavy production from his backup RB's (McCoy and Mendy) who combined for 30 points.

As a result of this loss, the Love Gun is now in second place, yet to have clinched a playoff spot, staring up at someone with over 100 fewer points scored.  As for the Pink Eyes, well, he's still starting up at this sweet ass as he is still in fourth place.  I wonder if he has a good view of the stitches I needed as a result of that unwelcomed invasion.

Deuce can have his wins in the abnormally balmy climes of November.  As for myself, I'm built for cold weather on the road.  Looks like my time is coming.  More irrelevant fantasy updates are on the way in the coming weeks I am sure...

Better Know a Contender?

The St. Louis Blues have never won a Stanley Cup title in their 42-year existence and that sucks.  The Blues is easily one of the coolest team names in all of sports (much better than The Jazz because a) it ends with an "s" and b) because they're not located in Utah) and merely as a result of that, this team should have reached the promised land by now.  Unfortunately, this team has got a serious case of the blue balls for Lord Stanley's annual vagina spread.

And this condition is not the result for want of effort.  From 1980-2004, the Blues made the dance each and every year.  However, it is certainly worth noting that the Blues never once made the Finals during that 25-year stretch.  And since that run, things have gone from competitive to downright ineffective, only having made the playoffs once in the last four years.  They of course made the playoffs last year, but were swept in the first round by the 'Nucks.

Go on...

32 Things

As you may or may not have noticed, this blog is strongly biased toward two things in life: football and music.  We try to unify the two in print as well as we do in our own minds, but these things do not necessarily translate all that well when traveling between the abstract to the tangible.  But this new segment appears to be prepped for success and understanding.  It combines our favorite sport with one of our favorite songs and the two get along just fine, even if it is also combined with one of our least favorite things; NFL recap posts.  Regardless, it's 32 Things!

32 Things - moe.

Cowboys: You know... If you're NOT going to cover the spread and then decide sneak by an outright awful team in the 4th quarter of a pathetic game... Just don't, okay?  Fucking DON'T.  If I lose, you lose.

PS. We need a name for this phenomenon.  Right now we got Spread Fucker.  But we think it needs work.

Chiefs: This team will pull off a huge upset this season... Hmmmm, who said that?
 
Eagles:  Congratulations!  You're slightly better than the Bears.  Meaning that you're also still slightly bad at football.

Go on...

En Route: Dashin'

In many ways, it is actually better to be a fan of the Browns or the Lions, than compared to say, the Jets or Broncos.  You see, fans of the Lions and Browns had no hope in the first place.  Sure, they cheered and supported their team regardless and at varying levels of consistency, but there were never any delusions.  For Jets or Broncos fans, fans fully believe that their teams had a shot at making the playoffs.  They still do to an extent, but we all know that it isn't going to happen.

Go on...

THE SHEET®: Week 11

This weekend, the worst matchup in recent memory will be taking place when the Detroit Lions play host to the potentially Cribbs-less Cleveland Browns.  Regardless of whether or not JC suits up, this game is sure to feature some of the most impressive ineptitude possible.

Detroit fans may be upset over the fact that they are being lumped into the same category as the punchless Browntowners.  And that's a fair criticism.  After all, the Lions are doubling the Browns up in terms of average points scored per game with a whopping 16 points per!   Simple math would inform you as to just how pathetic the Browns offense has been this season.

But to the Lions fans that frequent this site, and take umbrage with this assessment, your team is 1-8 this season.  And when we combine that with last year's record, well you're 1-24.  Also, you are the only team to have lost to the Rams this season, and let's just say that this fact has given the Browns a confidence boost of sorts.  But enough piling on.

The good news?  These two teams have the worst defenses in the league!  Which means (hopefully) that there should be some scoring in this one. Maybe Calvin Johnson will get into the end zone.  Shit, maybe the Browns will eve score double-digit points.  Well, let's not get crazy now.  After all, it is probably best if we keep out expectations as low as possible for this one.

So, if you're feeling a little down this weekend, and you need a little perspective, well this could be the game for you.  Better go to the bar though, because this one won't be on any old television set in the country that ain't rocking the NFL Ticket.

Oh!  New enhancement... Yay!  If any of you would like to take part in THE SHEET® yourselves, then an additional blank sheet has been provided here.  Just don't forget about the rules.

Big boys can find their Sheet here.

A Clear-Cut Violation of Zombie Rights

Yesterday afternoon, former Buffalo Bills Head Coach Dick Jauron filed suit against the Buffalo Bills over his recent dismissal, citing violations of the Americans with Disabilities Act.  According to sources, the suit hinges on whether or not the Bills failed to provide "reasonable accommodations" needed to address Jauron's physical and mental limitations, as well as his "special needs."

"While Coach Jauron is clearly a capable individual when compared to most of his kind, it was clear once this contract was negotiated, that there were certain supra-ordinary factors that needed to be taken into consideration."  Jauron's attorney continued, "Factors that would demand the Buffalo Bills take extra steps not only in order to ensure Coach Jauron's success, but their own success as well."

Go on...

Evolution of a Nickname

Y'all ready for some high science?  This is like working with mercury so take a big step back and strap on your protective eyewear.

Now, Ray Rice seemingly came out of nowhere this season.  Even the venerable Willie Shakes left this cat daddy off his list.  But this isn't about right or wrong, smooth or goofy, b. Lee or Deucey.  Instead, it's about who the fuck is gonna get this mother fucker a suitable nickname and right fucking now?

Oh, come on.  You know who.

Go on...

FREEDOM!!!

The blackout is over now that I huddled over my 12 inch laptop and watched not NASCAR, as Deucemandzadeh noted, but the Pacquiao-Cotto fight from Saturday night.  The footage grainy and choppy, but the trend unmistakable.  And although the stoppage came at an odd time (probably should have been stopped after the 8th round rather than in the middle of the 12th), if Cotto didn't play keep away for the last 4 rounds, then a knockout would have been inevitable.

Of course, the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight seems to be the obvious next step, but for some reason, I just do not think that Mayweather is going to sign on.  Mayweather will probably take on someone like Mosley before he steps into the ring with Manny.  For one I am not that opposed to this, for living in a world where Pacquiao-Mayweather is a possibility is much better than living in a post-fight world where it already happened and is never to be again... Or something like that.  This Internet thing is obviously a little different than riding a bike.

Anyway, next big match is Williams-Pavlik.  This Paul Williams cat is a machine and should give Pavlik all that he can handle.  And hats off to Pavlik for even accepting the match.  Williams has been kryptonite throughout the boxing world, well, because he's awesome and boxers would rather avoid sure-shot losses. 

December 5th, y'all.

THE SHEET®: Week 10 Results

Notice anything strange about this picture to the left?  Anything at all?

Yep, Jables completely missed a game.  Not sure if that has ever happened in the 4 year history of THE SHEET®.  Which is impressive, don't get me wrong.

What's not impressive?  Deuce breaking a major rule of THE SHEET® by making picks exclusively with team names and no jokes, puns, or mama jokes to be found anywhere.  I mean, we post the Manifesto every week and yet he still flips the bird at the institution.  And then he thinks he wins this week after that performance?

Let it be known, anyone breaks a rule like that again and "wins" a given week, will "lose" a given week.  Minimum 2 point deduction from here on for such infractions.  Mark it down.

Oh, and Ginge; Feathers Not Dots is hereby retired.  Find a new gag.

Week 11 will be up in the coming days... FUCK!

Why Hockey is Better than your Favorite Sport

Because of the phenomenon that is the Shorthanded Goal.

The notion of the Power Play is fascinating enough.  A player breaks the rules and is then isolated from play.  This isn't like fouling out where the other team gets a few extra points and the other team can simply replace the player whom fouled out.  Similar to a Red Card in soccer (only not as permanent), or a trip to the Sin Bin in rugby (only not as long), a team is penalized by having a player removed from play for a set period of time, leaving an uneven matchup on the ice.

Go on...

LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!

I CAN'T HEEEEAR YOOOOU!!!

To quote a somewhat entertaining, yet generally overrated show:

I'm going Nomad.

Sort of...

Go on...

32 Things

As you may or may not have noticed, this blog is strongly biased toward two things in life: football and music.  We try to unify the two in print as well as we do in our own minds, but these things do not necessarily translate all that well when traveling between the abstract to the tangible.  But this new segment appears to be prepped for success and understanding.  It combines our favorite sport with one of our favorite songs and the two get along just fine, even if it is also combined with one of our least favorite things; NFL recap posts.  Regardless, it's 32 Things!

32 Things - moe.

Raiders:  Maybe should focus more on beating your opponents rather than your girlfriend.

Falcons: Their fans might be angry, but we should all be thankful that they are going to make the NFC Wild Card race extremely interesting down the stretch.

Eagles: Same goes for these assholes.

Go on...

En Route: Apocalypsin'

So, it's a nice calm day outside.  You're dealing with your usual routine, your shitty neighbor is yelling at her shitty kid, and you're trying not to spill coffee on your pants on the way out to the car.  When all of a sudden, birds just start falling from the sky.  Then, the grounds begins to slowly vibrate.  You hear a dull rumble that slowly builds into a staggering roar.  You look across the valley toward the southern hills when you see vast amounts of water cascading over the hills until they are completely engulfed by the waves.  The camera then cuts to a token African American male that says something along the lines of, "Aw, hell naw!"

What?  It's not a Jerry Bruckheimer movie?  But it looks so much like one.  Are you telling me that there's no flash cut cinematography and obvious, racist comic relief forced into the rapidly rising action sequences that never end until the credits roll until our overwhelmed attentions and infiltrated senses snap back into their appropriate levels?  Well, I just hope young Roland learned a few things from the master before signing onto this project.

Go on...

THE SHEET®: Week 10

Headlines:

Deuce is a giant piece of shit.

And here's THE SHEET® for week 10. 

Enjoy.

Forget Flu Shots

This Winter, the Red Sox are going natural, making sure that stock up an ample supply of Vitamin C.  The "C" stands for Captain.  And that Captain is Jason Varitek.

Go on...

Friday Bonebag

/Friday Shitbag.

Bonebag:

Last night Tomas Vokoun of the Florida Panthers (Meyami) made 40 saves in regulation/overtime stifling the Boston Bruins' every opportunity to take the lead in a scoreless game, utterly dominated by the Bruins. Tomy also made an additional 4 saves in the shootout portion of the overtime.  And honestly, he made it look very easy.  The Czech goaltender has 3 shutouts in his last 4 starts.  Allow me to repeat: 3 SHUTOUTS IN HIS LAST 4 STARTS and after a rocky start to the season appears primed to keep the Panthers in the playoff hunt all by himself.

Go on...

Thursday Night Sheet-storm

It's

(+ 4)

@

Deuce is calling for Bear-blood, mainly because he longs for the days of the mid-80's.  No, not because it was the hey-day of Bears glory, but because he could shit himself and not have to be responsible for cleaning it up.  Don't you wish you could just go back?

Call it in the air...

Hatin' On Your Hometown

Where Sports Go to Die

Let's start from the top:

NHL attendance: Rank 26 (76% capacity)
NFL attendance: Rank 29 (89% capacity)
NBA attendance: Rank 19 (87% capacity)
MLB attendance: Rank 24 (51% capacity)

But I'm calling bullshit on both the NBA and MLB numbers.  Actually is there anyway we can get the 1st quarter and 4th quarter attendance numbers?  Because they're probably closer to 50% and 25%, respectively.  Especially if/when the Heat are tanking late in the game.

Go on...

Happy Veterans Day Y'all

Hi, this is Kellen Winslow from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers just wanting to say "Thank you" to all of our veterans, soldiers, and WARRIORS out there.  I can't tell y'all how much I appreciate what you do for this country.  Keeping us free, safe, and rich.  It just means so much to me.

Go on...

Have You Seen Me?

Damn it...

This post would have worked so much better 4 days ago, when Psycho Tease had yet to make his NBA debut.  Also would have helped if he didn't score double digit points in his debut.  Because then we could have played the whole, "Have you seen my game?" angle.  Foiled once again.

But, we're rolling with it anyway, well, because we need the content.

So feel free to jump in the time machine and go backwards a few days to truly appreciate this piece.  Or, you could even fast forward a year or two, because we're pretty sure this cat is going to be a bench cheerleader for at least the next few seasons.  That is, until he goes by the wayside a la Eric Montross... A fellow Tar Heel.

At the very least, please enjoy the graphic design courtesy of A (formerly) Close Friend.

THE SHEET®: Week 9 Results

So the gang attempted some kind of "Live" Diablog last night with damn near catastrophic results.  Let's just say that the whole idea of a blog damn near crumbled beneath of heaping pile of mama jokes, accusations of pedophilia, Sheet-slander, and a proclamation that Jay Cutler is a better quarterback than Matt Ryan.

Whoever won THE SHEET® this week, it doesn't really matter (it was Le Ginge and on a tie-break), so let us get to some of those low-lights, eh?

Go on...

Better Know a Contender?

Let's take a minute to feel bad for the good city of Quebec... City.  Sure it's filled with a bunch of high and mighty Habs who have forgotten how far way Paris actually is and how long ago the French language mattered, but still.  In 1994, the Nordiques had the most explosive offense in hockey and were primed for a Stanley Cup run.  After years of poor performance, whispers of relocation, and a lack of local support, the Nords were on their way...

And then the Lockout happened.

And then the move to Colorado happened.

And then a Stanley Cup happened... Immediately.

Go on...

32 Things

As you may or may not have noticed, this blog is strongly biased toward two things in life: football and music.  We try to unify the two in print as well as we do in our own minds, but these things do not necessarily translate all that well when traveling between the abstract to the tangible.  But this new segment appears to be prepped for success and understanding.  It combines our favorite sport with one of our favorite songs and the two get along just fine, even if it is also combined with one of our least favorite things; NFL recap posts.  Regardless, it's 32 Things!

32 Things - moe.

Coach Edition!

Bills: I don't want to go back to work!  No!  You can't make me!

Cowboys: Well, would you look at that.  We're winners... Now how can I blow this?

Niners: Guess these mother fuckers wanna see some man-cock again...

Go on...

En Route: Re-Animatin'

Yeah, I got a rash, man...

You ever have one of those weeks when you just feel zombified?  Everything feels a little more distant, maybe even less meaningful.  But when something has the audacity to get in your face, it annoys you just a little more than usual?  I mean, you're not quite ready to start snacking on the still-beating heart of your annoying-ass cube-mate, but crazier things have passed through your head.  You want to run away, but well, your creaky knees and ankles make you fear that your de-calcified bones might not support the effort.  So you slowly stumble into the future, unsure of what lies ahead, but desperately hoping the weekend will represent some kind of finish line, or at the very least a refreshment station of some kind, steadily moaning all the while.  In fact, typing these words is somehow putting undue stress on various upper body joints.

The funny thing about zombie movies, is that they never really delve into "curing" the zombies.  I guess Romero dove into it a little bit during the Day of the Dead to an extent.  But that begs the question: is there actually a cure?  I mean, if the dead were re-animated, then how can you cure them?  If the goal of modern medicine is to make people better, in that they are more capable of living, then is the only cure for zombies to simply make them more capable of dying since they were dead to begin with?  And just how the hell does it spread so quickly?

My head hurts.

Either way, I'm trying out my own cure tonight.  It involves beverages high in alcohol content, women short on clothing content, followed by some activities heavy in adult content.  I'll let you know how that works out on Monday.  Whether I ruin every zombie movie-to-be in the process or not. 

Other potential remedies:

• They say laughter cures everything (Jock and Balls)
• Maybe you just gotta cry it out (Awful Announcing) 
• Little weed never hurt nobody... Well almost nobody (With Leather)
  
• Or, perhaps just read a bunch of garbage written by a bunch of assholes, until you realize that things could always be worse (Barstool)
  

 Bottoms up, gang.

HEADLINES. . . !

27th Heaven actually an ironically placed circle of Hell...


Tim Tebow's gap discipline impressing John Gruden, priests everywhere...


NHL trying to lure inner city support with new Sudden Death Shoot-Out format...


Bob Sanders fulfills contracted two-game appearance, promptly visits IR...


Lebron already finding himself in New York Knick form...


Red Sox trade for JD Drew in order to form lefty-lefty platoon with JD Drew...


All Blacks' starting Hooker arrested for prostitution...


USC preparing for inevitable BCS title game against Notre Dame...


Rex Ryan hates gimmicks, challenges Sparano to pie-eating competition...


Chris Paul requests Katrina aid be diverted toward Hornets-rebuilding efforts...

THE SHEET®: Week 9

Read between the sheets.

Now that we got that baseball garbage out of the way (By the way did you hear?  The Yankees won number 27?  Not sure what 27 means... Apparently before our parents were even born, guys we've never seen play won a championship or two, as well).  And now that that sideshow has concluded we are faced with stark, sober reality: we have officially reached the middle point of the football season.  And that sucks.

To be truthful, I begin to freak out in Week 2, worrying that there are only 16 weeks of football remaining, once the initial high of Week 1 wears off.  And to be fair, the initial high of Week 1 wears off as soon as I drop my first fantasy matchup.  Which is typically in week 1, as well.

Of course, there is plenty of football that remains.  And when you include the playoffs, the numbers of football weeks remaining, outnumbers those that have passed us by.  However, this is merely a small dose of Alprazolam with which to defend against the ultra-anxiety induced by the barren months that follow completion of the NFL season in February.  Needless to say, the prescription is inadequate and I'M FREAKING OUT!!!

Breathe... Fantasy playoffs... Cheerleaders... Tom Brady... Drunk Sundays... Giving way to mandatory wake n bake Mondays... Breathe.

Take a hit... Be somebody, baby.

Lisping Into the Offseason

With Cole Hamels

Jezsizs Chrizse...

I'm just so happy that thizs God awful bazeball zseason iz finally overrr.

I mean, you guyzs! Did you even see how bad I waz playing in thoze last few startzs?

Jeziz Chrize, you guyzs...

Go on...

Why Hockey is Better than your Favorite Sport

Because of this asshole:

The NBA has Ron Ron.  The NFL has TO.  The MLB has Manny.

The NHL has The Pest.

Go on...

Listen Up, Ckskr

"Deeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Coach Schwartz, now you know we here at FSD have only the utmost respect for your amazing transformation of the Detroit Lions from hapless 0-16 pussy cats to 1-6 diseased stray cats.  Impressive is the only word that comes to mind, but it feels inadequate at this moment in time.  But, you seem like a straight shooter so let us not beat around the pubes:  Are you going to fucking play Calvin Johnson this week or what?

Listen, man: your team sucks.  What competitive advantage do you think you are gaining over your upcoming opponent (read: victor) in the coming week by keeping Calvin Johnson's status a secret?  The only choice that the Seahawks have is to prepare as if Calvin Johnson were playing.  Why?  Because he's the only fucking weapon you have!  What, you think Coach Mora is just going to give his cornerbacks the week off until he knows for sure if the Ancient Chinese Secret will be suiting up or not?

Jesus man, the only people that you're confusing (and killing) with this charade, are the millions of fantasy owners across the country that own right rights to one Megatron.  So do each and everyone of us a favor, and just stop kidding yourself.  There's clearly no playoff picture in your future, but there very well fucking could be for us, so long as we know that we should be starting Housh over Caljon this Sunday.

Dickhead.

THE SHEET®: Week 8 Results

We're not huge fans of histrionics over here at The Delay, at least when it comes the standard.  Like a when a cornerback is in coverage and the ball sails out of bounds, out of the reach of the receiver.  Or when you hit a spot up 15-foot jumper.  Or when you get a 4th inning strike out that retires the side.

We like people to act like they've been there before, because they usually have.  And while we would like this to be the case all the time we understand that after a goal, touchdown, homer, or game-winner, that emotions can be difficult to control.  We still would appreciate a measure of stoicism

Which is why, based on this week's THE SHEET® results, I, b. Lee, would like to say:

FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES! ONE DOWN AND 9 MORE TO GO! THAT'S RIGHT! I'M WINNING OUT AND THERE AIN'T A DAMN THING ANY OF YOU FUCKS CAN DO ABOUT IT. WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Ahem, read it and weep, tough guys.  I AM THE SHEET®!

Rollin' with Rondo

So it seems that the suits over at the Boston Celtics' front office finally saw (my) the writing on the wall, wisened up, and made the right call.  Late Sunday evening, Rondo and C's agreed to a 5-year deal, locking up the supremely athletic point guard through the 2014-2015 season.  If anything, I think the deal might be a little on the short side.  After all, Rondo is 23 years old and will only be 28 by the time this deal expires, which is generally the time in a point guard's career when they are merely approaching their prime (Magic Johnson not included).

Sure, Rondo couldn't shoot a load into Mama Deuce's loose cavegina with a funnel and a pair of night vision goggles, but he can do everything else that is required of a point guard.  And as the personnel ages, hopefully the C's front office will realize that this team will need revolve around Rondo's need for speed and draft/trade/sign accordingly.  Why not keep the good decisions rolling, right?

In the end, Celtics management decided that it would be better to play with Rondo over the next 5 years, then have to play against him for the next 10, and I couldn't agree more with the outcome.

Cubicle Confessions

So, I watched AMP Energy 500 race at Talladega SUPERspeedway this weekend.  And while the carnage during the Packer game was certainly ample, that which occurred down the stretch in Alabama was much more entertaining than that garbage in Lambeau.  Besides Talladega is known for being the fastest (closed) track in NASCAR and unlike most races, the checkered flag is up for grabs pretty much until the final lap.  Of course, watching at home, I have no appreciation for how fast these guys are going because there really is no frame of reference.  In football, I can look at the yard-markers and guesstimate a receiver's 40 from the comfort of my television.

Go on...

Now Deuce Can Die in Peace

For no longer is USC improperly rated above perennial powerhouses such as TCU, Boise St, and Cincinnati (or, the BIG 3).  However, they are still ranked above 1-loss Houston, which I'm sure Deucey will be raging against shortly.

The real fireworks will start once Alabama loses to Florida but is still ranked 3rd in front of all BIG 3 programs the following week.

No, Iowa is not part of the BIG 3 because they are already a part of the BIG 10 which sucks... Just like Iowa, who is only going to lose to Ohio St. in two weeks anyway.

Praise be to the BCS, who ALWAYS gets it right.

32 Things

As you may or may not have noticed, this blog is strongly biased toward two things in life: football and music.  We try to unify the two in print as well as we do in our own minds, but these things do not necessarily translate all that well when traveling between the abstract to the tangible.  But this new segment appears to be prepped for success and understanding.  It combines our favorite sport with one of our favorite songs and the two get along just fine, even if it is also combined with one of our least favorite things; NFL recap posts.  Regardless, it's 32 Things!

32 Things - moe.

Panthers: Ahm... What do you guys think you're doing?

Cowboys: This team is diametrically linked to the Giants; the worse the Giants look, the better the Cowboys fare.

Jets: They mirror their coach!  So right now, they're all sitting on their couches, hungover, hungry, and sad. 

Go on...