32 Things

As you may or may not have noticed, this blog is strongly biased toward two things in life: football and music.  We try to unify the two in print as well as we do in our own minds, but these things do not necessarily translate all that well when traveling between the abstract to the tangible.  But this new segment appears to be prepped for success and understanding.  It combines our favorite sport with one of our favorite songs and the two get along just fine, even if it is also combined with one of our least favorite things; NFL recap posts.  Regardless, it's 32 Things!

32 Things - moe.

Cowboys: You know... If you're NOT going to cover the spread and then decide sneak by an outright awful team in the 4th quarter of a pathetic game... Just don't, okay?  Fucking DON'T.  If I lose, you lose.

PS. We need a name for this phenomenon.  Right now we got Spread Fucker.  But we think it needs work.

Chiefs: This team will pull off a huge upset this season... Hmmmm, who said that?
 
Eagles:  Congratulations!  You're slightly better than the Bears.  Meaning that you're also still slightly bad at football.

Patriots: Considering how well the blitz worked against the playboy formerly known as a quarterback, it's weird that you didn't try that the first time.

Niners: This team feels much better than 4-6 don't they?  Maybe its' because 4-6 is actually a good record in the NFC West.

Jags: This team feels much worse than 6-4 don't they? See: NFC West.  Invert it.

Falcons: Matt Ryan and the Falcons defense must have a hard-on for the Packers because they are going out of their way to put them into the playoffs.

Broncos: /Plane whizzes by

/Crashes into the earth

Cardinals: Fun Fact for the day: Matt Leinart is terrible at football.

Ravens: You see, Coach Harbaugh, when you fuck me, you're only fucking yourself; give the ball to Ray Rice from now on, and everyone will benefit.

Vikings: BFF has only thrown 3 INTs this season.  This concerns me greatly.

Bills: Thoughts from Donk the Honkey:

(Regarding contact lenses and Bills fandom) Well, if you have them in for a while, when you take them out you have that "holy f, i'm really blind, this sucks" moment, right?  But, if you just leave your contacts out for a while, you get used to it -- you don't realize that you have shitty eyesight, and you just go about your day.  It's kind of like that, but with more drunken raging. 

Giants: No team in the league should fear the Giants right now.  Well, maybe except for the Broncos.

Jets: Hey!  The only team worse than the Broncos right now!

Lions:  If it were against any other team in the league, it would have been impressive.

Browns: Hey wait, did I say that the Jets were the only team worse than the Broncos right now?  My bad.

Seahawks: Where Houshes go to die.

Raiders: So, they have beaten the Bengals and Eagles.  And have lost to a few good teams.  Are the Raiders kind of not bad?  I'm so confused...

Colts: Heyyy! We're 10-0 because Harbaugh and Belichick made terrible fucking play calls!  Heyyy!!!

Saints: Heyyy!  We're 10-0 because we get to play the Rams and Bucs in back-to-back weeks!  Heyyy!!!

Redskins: You had to take your foot off the gas, didn't you?  Miserable savages.

Steelers: Good thing the Benglas suck, too, huh?

Packers: Does anyone on the planet trust this team with a lead?

Buccaneers: Bucs have actually shown a lot of spirit the last few weeks up until Sunday... What?  That's all I got for this awful franchise.

Chargers: Q: Who's the hottest team in the league over the last 5 weeks?  Shit.  How'd you know?

Bears: I mean, Cutler almost didn't throw an INT last night... That's good, right?

Bengals: Exhibit A as to why we have no faith in this team come January... Or December for that matter.

Rams: Another young team showing a lot of spunk... In front of the hundreds, HUNDREDS of St. Louis fans watching the game at the stadium.

Dolphins: It was bad when they lost Chad Pennington, but then when they lost 2nd-string QB Ronnie Brown it got even worse.  But 3rd-stringer Chad Henne has stepped in quite successfully through one week.

Panthers: Would someone please show Coach Fox the door, please?

Titans: 3 and out.

Texans: 8-8