Evolution of a Nickname

Y'all ready for some high science?  This is like working with mercury so take a big step back and strap on your protective eyewear.

Now, Ray Rice seemingly came out of nowhere this season.  Even the venerable Willie Shakes left this cat daddy off his list.  But this isn't about right or wrong, smooth or goofy, b. Lee or Deucey.  Instead, it's about who the fuck is gonna get this mother fucker a suitable nickname and right fucking now?

Oh, come on.  You know who.

So at first, things started slow...


Rice-a-Roni?


The San Francisco Treat?


Rice Rocket?


Uncle Ben?


But we just felt as if all of these were a bit too obvious...

So in time, things began to coalesce over a fat bowl of Bul-Go-Ki...


Sticky Rice?


Sticky Ray...


And then we knew we were onto something...

And then the alcohol started to flow...

Asian alcohol...

Made of...

Rice...

Rice wine...

Oh shit.

Get me a bottle of Sapporo to go with this sake, bartender-san!

Here's to you, Ray Rice!


The Sake Bomb.