As you may or may not have noticed, this blog is strongly biased toward two things in life: football and music. We try to unify the two in print as well as we do in our own minds, but these things do not necessarily translate all that well when traveling between the abstract to the tangible. But this new segment appears to be prepped for success and understanding. It combines our favorite sport with one of our favorite songs and the two get along just fine, even if it is also combined with one of our least favorite things; NFL recap posts. Regardless, it's 32 Things!
Coach Edition!
Bills: I don't want to go back to work! No! You can't make me!
Cowboys: Well, would you look at that. We're winners... Now how can I blow this?
Niners: Guess these mother fuckers wanna see some man-cock again...
Jets: So THAT'S how you beat the Dolphins... Hmmm... I'm hungry.
Lions: I'm still better than the last guy.
Panthers: Fuckers could have saved my job yesterday... Fuckers.
Browns: God, where would this team be without me?
Chargers: Dear Eli, thanks for being such a pussy. Norv.
Buccaneers: We blinded 'em with the fluorescence.
Eagles: Note to self: Do not dip into Garrett's stash less than 3 hours before game time. Because, boy, it REALLY impairs judgment.
Redskins: Can someone please fire me? I mean, fire me or I'm quitting.
Raiders: What, bitch?
/SMACK
Seahawks: Gee, gang. Big win today. Let's do all we can to fight off irrelevance for at least a few more weeks.
Patriots: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... Silly bastard, no one fools me twice.
Chiefs: To be fair, we did look pretty gay out there.
Packers: Am I the only one that realizes how bad of a coach I am? I mean, shit... We lost to the fucking BUCS. Good thing Aaron is the scapegoat around here...
Saints: Something platitude-laced... Pandering to the people of New Orleans... Another pedantic statement...etc.
Bengals: Who dey?!?
Bears: Tough effort out there, guys. Your coaching staff, including myself, is obviously incapable of handling any talent that is actually available on this team, but we're not going to let that stop us from hindering our development as a ball club.
Cardinals: Jesus, that team sucks, huh?
Dolphins: I think I know what the problem was; not nearly enough fist-pumps on the sidelines this week. And that's my fault.
Colts: Look, can everyone stop calling me Tony? My name is... Shit, what's my name again? Anyway, Coach Dungy no longer works here. Actually, you know what? Tony is fine. I always liked that name anyway.
Vikings: So, I was at the elementary school during recess this week...
Jaguars: One thing is for sure when you're dealing with Jack Del Rio, okay? And it's that FAGGOTS will not be permitted to do as they please.
Rams: Are you sure we don't get to play the Lions again? Because it'd be really great if we did...
Falcons: Wow... We are merely a slightly above average football team, eh? That's slightly depressing.
Titans: Fucking cocksucking owner can't mind his mother fucking business...
Giants: You can't win GAMES, when your team has no HEART. Now, I spoke with the TEAM, didn't look like they were LISTENING, but I told 'em: my FACE is so RED because my HEART is so BIG. Now, I think they got the message.
Texans: Moats, Slaton, who gives a shit?
Broncos: What would Bill do?
Steelers: Make that 6-2, mother fucker.
No comments:
Post a Comment