Yeah, I got a rash, man...
You ever have one of those weeks when you just feel zombified? Everything feels a little more distant, maybe even less meaningful. But when something has the audacity to get in your face, it annoys you just a little more than usual? I mean, you're not quite ready to start snacking on the still-beating heart of your annoying-ass cube-mate, but crazier things have passed through your head. You want to run away, but well, your creaky knees and ankles make you fear that your de-calcified bones might not support the effort. So you slowly stumble into the future, unsure of what lies ahead, but desperately hoping the weekend will represent some kind of finish line, or at the very least a refreshment station of some kind, steadily moaning all the while. In fact, typing these words is somehow putting undue stress on various upper body joints.
The funny thing about zombie movies, is that they never really delve into "curing" the zombies. I guess Romero dove into it a little bit during the Day of the Dead to an extent. But that begs the question: is there actually a cure? I mean, if the dead were re-animated, then how can you cure them? If the goal of modern medicine is to make people better, in that they are more capable of living, then is the only cure for zombies to simply make them more capable of dying since they were dead to begin with? And just how the hell does it spread so quickly?
My head hurts.
Either way, I'm trying out my own cure tonight. It involves beverages high in alcohol content, women short on clothing content, followed by some activities heavy in adult content. I'll let you know how that works out on Monday. Whether I ruin every zombie movie-to-be in the process or not.
Other potential remedies:
- They say laughter cures everything (Jock and Balls)
- Maybe you just gotta cry it out (Awful Announcing)
- Little weed never hurt nobody... Well almost nobody (With Leather)
- Or, perhaps just read a bunch of garbage written by a bunch of assholes, until you realize that things could always be worse (Barstool)
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