Why Hockey is Better than your Favorite Sport

Because of this asshole:

The NBA has Ron Ron.  The NFL has TO.  The MLB has Manny.

The NHL has The Pest.

Not quite a goon because he is too small, but not quite a hockey player because he only averages about 30 points per year, Avery fills an extremely unique niche within the NHL.  Take him too lightly and you will wind up with a fist in your mouth.  Forget about him, and wind up with a puck in your net.  Take him shopping, and wind up with a serious credit card bill.  For when Sean-o isn't being suspended, traded, or released, you can find him over in the Fashion District or interning with Vogue.

But apart from his off-season hobbies, Avery's job on (and off) the ice is to throw the other team (and their fans) off their game, simply by annoying and distracting the shit out of them.  Whether it is worth words or worth a conventiently-placed slash, Avery has always had a way of getting under the skin of his opponents.  Only trouble is that he has the same affect on his own teammates at the same time.  Nothing demonstrates this more than the fact that he averages a 2-minute minor penalty per game throughout his career.

But what makes Avery so great is that he understands his role so well.  He is a professional athlete-version of the Joker.  He wants to win, but he seems to enjoy the pursuit of this goal more than actually attaining it.  Commentators and pundits will charge that he is simply immature and that he is bad for the game of hockey, and there may be small elements of truth to both of those claims.  However, there is not a player in the game that understands the role of physicality and confrontation more than Sean Avery.  Like any belligerent athlete, he has a tendency to go too far on occasion, but for the most part he knows exactly when to play his card.  And it only becomes a problem when the stiffs in the booth take it too seriously.

So let's take a look at some of man's greatest hits.  And feel free to laugh.  Sean will be.