En Route: Apocalypsin'

So, it's a nice calm day outside.  You're dealing with your usual routine, your shitty neighbor is yelling at her shitty kid, and you're trying not to spill coffee on your pants on the way out to the car.  When all of a sudden, birds just start falling from the sky.  Then, the grounds begins to slowly vibrate.  You hear a dull rumble that slowly builds into a staggering roar.  You look across the valley toward the southern hills when you see vast amounts of water cascading over the hills until they are completely engulfed by the waves.  The camera then cuts to a token African American male that says something along the lines of, "Aw, hell naw!"

What?  It's not a Jerry Bruckheimer movie?  But it looks so much like one.  Are you telling me that there's no flash cut cinematography and obvious, racist comic relief forced into the rapidly rising action sequences that never end until the credits roll until our overwhelmed attentions and infiltrated senses snap back into their appropriate levels?  Well, I just hope young Roland learned a few things from the master before signing onto this project.

Does anyone actually believe this Mayan bullshit anyway?  The mother fuckers couldn't devise a scheme to defend themselves against the Spanish (I hear they're suckers for racist stereotypes... So I guess it's unfortunate that Bruckheimer movies didn't exist back then), and yet we're supposed to belief that they had their finger on the life pulse of mother Earth?

Besides, they were off, by 3 years anyway.  The biggest disaster that humanity has ever witnessed isn't coming in 2012.  It's coming this weekend and it's called 2012.

Wait a second...

The world will END in 2012!  Those Mayans are so damn smart.  I'd stay as far away from movie theaters as possible, folks.  It's for your own safety.  And while you ponder the fate of the world, give these a whirl...

Actually, you know what?  Just read this article and then proceed to roll around on the floor laughing.  It will make you forget all about the carnage taking place down at the IMAX.