Forget Flu Shots

This Winter, the Red Sox are going natural, making sure that stock up an ample supply of Vitamin C.  The "C" stands for Captain.  And that Captain is Jason Varitek.

Essentially, Sox management has deep-seated fears about a Captain vacuum.  After 'Tek retires or departs via free agency, then what happens?  Does ornery Youk step up?  How about Spazdroia?  SuperDanks?  The question is, can any of these guys wear that "C" as proudly as Varitek can?

Because we all know that's why his kept around.  Not because he bats .223 a year, nor because he prevents approximately 1 out of 6 stolen bases, and definitely not because he likes to mount blond foul line reporters.  But just because he wears that "C" on his chest just so fucking proudly.  He's like an inept lion.  But inept or not, he's still a lion and at the very least, they're pretty cool to look at, right?

Jesus, can't this guy just become the official "Pitcher's Manager" already.  He can keep the Captain tag if he wants, just relegate him strictly to the bullpen.  Bats should be kept as far away from this guy as possible.