THE SHEET®: Week 12

Scavenger Hunt Edition

What is with the Thanksgiving schedule?  Why is it unbelievably bad each and every year?  The most recent "good" game we have witnessed on Fuck You Turkey Day when the 6-4 Chiefs upended the 7-3 Broncos 19-10 at Arrowhead.  19 to 10!  THAT is the best game we have seen in the last three years.  Since then, the average margin of victory on the holiday has been 25 points.  Good for fantasy, bad for casual viewing.

And this year, the matchups are not getting any better.  Prior to this season everyone knew, or at least postulated that the Packers, Cowboys, and Giants were going to be above average. Same goes for the Lions, Raiders, and Broncos... Except the exact opposite.  And with Denver now showing their true colors, we really don't have much to look forward to.  Not even the fireworks provided by Chris Johnson last year will be at our disposal.

And this is not a veiled criticism of the traditional Detroit hosting of the early game.  Back when we used to watch Barry Sanders before, during, and/or after dinner, no one was bitching about having to watch the Lions.  But now all of a sudden the game should float from city to city.  If Thanksgiving is about anything, it's about silly traditions formed through violent encounters, then viewed through the prism of a creation myth that smells like roses and tastes like a turkey, stuffing, and cranberry dinner roll for breakfast on a Friday morning.

It's just the scheduling that sucks.  The Packers should beat the Lions, and easily.  But what if the Browns-Lions game were on this week instead of last week.  Sure, we would groan initially.  But, if they put on the same performance as they did last week, we would have one of the most entertaining games of the season on our hands.  Instead, it seems that the goal of the NFL's scheduling department is to provide a handful of cupcakes to a few potential playoff teams that have the inconvenience of playing on a short week.

Little do they realize, that they're ruining our GOT DAMN HOLIDAY.  We didn't kick the Cherokee across the Mississippi in order to watch garbage football games... Our natives will not have died in vain!  So on behalf of Tonto, Sacajawea and a scores of other non-Native Americans, I strongly suggest a cornucopia of fantastic matchups next season.  Otherwise, I got a special blanket delivery with "Roger Goodell" written all over it.

Get down with your brown bird, y'all

Big Boys.

Short Bus.