Better Know a Contender?

What do you get when a team models their mascot after a grade school computer game?

Why you get the Buffalo Sabres, of course!  America's team!  And aren't they cute?  You have to love any team whose two greatest moments occurred 40 years ago, and not even during an NHL-sponsored event, respectively... And both were losing efforts!  But we are talking Buffalo here, kiddies, where losing is an institution.  But not just losing, losing as painfully and as often as possible.

Go on...

Daily, er, Monthly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

What's that?  The season is over, so why are we still talking Bills?  Well, little Jimmy, just because the season is over doesn't mean the fun has to end!

Thursday, January 15th


Bills Fact

On this day (like, on this. very. day.) Buffalo Bill sackmaster and Hall of Famer Bruce Smith pleaded guilty to a DUI charge stemming from an incident back in May of 2009 in the state of Virginia.  After being pulled over by police officers, Smith failed several field sobriety tests that were administered.  Bills fans maintain that Bruce Smith failed the sobriety tests due to his lingering knee issues that ultimately led to his retirement.  However the judge ruled in favor of the State, fining the NFL all-time sack leader $1,000 and was sentencing him to a mandatory alcohol safety program.

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On the bright side, Bills fans, what is one more failure in the grand scheme of things?  Sure this is disgraceful and embarassing, but so is your football team, so all in all, you have got bigger issues to deal with.  Things such as, who is your quarterback next year?  Honestly, who is the hells is going to be your quarterback next year.  And perhaps most importantly, will it even matter?

And while we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until the next black eye, Go Billies!

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

After a huge, HUGE victory for the Bills in Week 14, we're all feeling good here at FSD, so let's celebrate with a little kicking history shall we?  Always a bright topic for Bills fans...

Wednesday, December 16th


Bills Fact

Hungarian-born soccer-style kicker Pete Gogolak was an immediate hit in Buffalo in 1964.  He made a club record 19 field goals and scored 102 points as a rookie.  The next year, he was even better: 28 field goals and 115 points.

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Amazing.  And if only the Bills had locked up Gogolak through the 2010 season, then maybe they would still have that outside shot at the playoffs.  At the moment, however, it isn't looking so good.

And while we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

A Clear-Cut Violation of Zombie Rights

Yesterday afternoon, former Buffalo Bills Head Coach Dick Jauron filed suit against the Buffalo Bills over his recent dismissal, citing violations of the Americans with Disabilities Act.  According to sources, the suit hinges on whether or not the Bills failed to provide "reasonable accommodations" needed to address Jauron's physical and mental limitations, as well as his "special needs."

"While Coach Jauron is clearly a capable individual when compared to most of his kind, it was clear once this contract was negotiated, that there were certain supra-ordinary factors that needed to be taken into consideration."  Jauron's attorney continued, "Factors that would demand the Buffalo Bills take extra steps not only in order to ensure Coach Jauron's success, but their own success as well."

Go on...

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Quarterback Ineptitude Edition!

Thursday, October 22nd

Bills Fact

At the time of Jim Kelly's retirement, only Fran Tarkenton, Dan Fouts, and Johnny Unitas among Hall of Fame quarterbacks had passed for more yardage, and only Tarkenton and Fouts had completed more passes. 

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Bills fans are hopeful that current starter and professional journeyman Ryan Fitzpatrick can one day join Uncle Jim in the record books.  Unless of course former Bill and professional comedian JP Losman has anything to say about it.

And while we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids (and trivia!)... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad, sad franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Coming off a week where the Bills running backs combined for 46 yards on 17 carries (even with the settings on Beast Mode!), we thought this would be applicable.

Friday, October 9th

Bills Fact

The Bills' Thurman Thomas (1988-1999) ranks third among all players in NFL history with 1,422 yard rushing in post season games.

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To be fair, I could probably be in the top 10 in playoff rushing yards considering how many playoff games the Bills appeared in (and lost) during the good old Thermal days.  But since in the eyes of TO the Bills are still a playoff team, maybe Freddy and Shawny can still make a dent in TT's records.

And while we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids (and trivia!)... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

The situation up in Buffalo has been strange to say the least, and while their fans appear to be unnecessarily cocky (and grabby) after an impressive win over a terrible ball club, we thought it would be a good idea to check back in with the Daily Bills!

Wednesday, September 23rd

Bills Fact

Less than two weeks into the 2009 season, no less than TWO Buffalo players have been the victims of malfeasance at the hands of local criminals. Immediately following the Bills' loss to the New England Patriots in week 1, Leodis McKelvin's lawn was vandalized by a group of teenagers. The following Sunday, during the Bills' home opener, safety Donte Whitner's home was burglarized, relieving him of nearly $400,000 worth of jewelry.

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You stay classy, Buffalo.

Communiques de Donk the Honkey

After the Patriots did battle with the Bills on Monday night, I couldn't help but get one person's name out of my head. His name is Donk the Honkey, and not only is he a top 2 commenter (out of 2) on FSD, but he is also the resident Bills fan and source for the Daily, er, Weeky Bills segment. It was apparent that DH had to be devastated after such a terrible... TERRIBLE loss, and so while the wounds were fresh, we conducted a small interview with the poor bastard.


b. Lee: Hey man, you hanging in there?

DH: hey, it's actually kind of nice in here

b. Lee: Have you taken refuge in a bubble or something?

DH: nah, here in uncle ben's rape shed.

b. Lee: Yeah well, you gotta understand something, brother... We're all still breathing heavy from last night's near-train wreck

DH: i can honestly say that i never once thought the game was in hand -- just didn't expect last year's NUMBER ONE NFL SPECIAL TEAMS UNIT to provide the boner.

let me know if you want an exclusive interview for the blog.

b. Lee: I was hoping that you didn't... I figured you would know better. I honestly didn't feel like the game was over either. I was expecting a three and out, and then a punt. But... well... you know.

I would love a Bills' fan's perspective, to be honest.

DH: see: Red Sox fan circa 2003

b. Lee: Eh... I fully believed. I wasn't old enough to really feel Buckner or anything that preceded it, you know?

DH: i'm old enough to understand norwood, the four super bowl losses, music city miracle, the flutie flakes game, rob fugging johnson, the bledsoe era, blowing the cowboys mnf game, this pats game, the fact that we've lost 12 straight to the pats, the fact that we've lost our last three mnf games by a combined four points, need i go on?

b. Lee: Is it all McKelvin's fault?

DH: of course not, the defense while holding points in check 'til the end gave up a million yards. they gave up the big plays at the end. the offense couldn't sustain any drives except for the six minute one in the fourth, that SHOULD'VE BEEN A TEN MINUTE DRIVE if they knew how to milk the clock / run the ball. when they scored i thought they still had too much time on the clock. everytime they showed jauron on the sidelines i had a bad feeling. i thought edwards played great -- didn't have great stats, but no huge boner plays either. jackson ran/received effectively... receivers were taken out of it a bit. couple drops in there as well that could have been big yards or kept a drive alive. just sloppy.

b. Lee: Was TO even playing?

DH: well i think he's part of the reason the screens, runs, and even TE were able to do some damage. that drop on third down though, early, was a tough one.

effing pos better have a broken arm to not have been in that game. of course it was watson that ended up killing them twice. christ almighty.

b. Lee: He was already barking at people down the stretch... Early warning sign?

DH: well the loss is the killer, obviously. if they win the game his bitching doesn't really hold any water. but of course, they lost, so he must be right, right?

b. Lee: At least in his mind.

I thought the O-line played really well for the most part... Until the 4th quarter

DH: well, minus penalties on probably 30% of the plays, but they protected edwards well. i think part of that was the pats not wanting to rush too far up field because of how they were getting torn up by the screens.

b. Lee: Gonna be a running back controversy when Be-Mo gets back?

DH: ehh 'shawn's definitely a better north-south runner, but jackson is so good catching out of the backfield. very nice 1 2 punch, nice problem to have. he would have been a nice option in the 4th quarter, though they couldn't ask for much more than they got from fj last night.

b. Lee: Soooo, is it all McKelvin's fault?

DH: i'm having trouble with it, i don't know. part of me wants to say it's a live by the sword, die by the sword thing -- makes so many good plays doing that. but, what a fucking idiot for trying to pull something like that with two minutes to go in a game where the pats need 7. take it at the 20. run it three times. make them use timeouts. punt it away with a minute to go or less. pray.

b. Lee: Or just drop to the ground when you're wrapped up...

Likelihood that Jauron lasts the entire season: I got 40%

DH: well how the fuck did he make it through last season? it's ridiculous that he is still there. firing him now would be wayyyy too little, too late. it's like taking a shit in a toilet, leaving it for two weeks, and then deciding to flush it. that stank will be around a while.

b. Lee: Stop right there... I think you have the perfect analogy for this season

DH: such a huge swing though -- if they win last night, what a confidence builder. on the road, brady's return, nationally televised, huge underdogs, expected to finish last in the division, against a team that's owned them... and they pull it out?! WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!

but now they're just the team that blew it, again.

b. Lee: Like getting to the starting line with your new wheels, and stalling when the light turns green

DH: history can be so unkind to the losers

b. Lee: So can the present, apparently...

DOWN, GARY!!

DH: tell me that everything is going to be okay...

b. Lee: You know I can't do that. But hang in there, buddy

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

... er, Monthly Bills?

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Since the Bills will be kicking off the season in their usual lowly fashion, we though it would be a good idea to resurrect this segment. So here's to an 0-1 start, as well as to the Daily Bills!


Monday, September 14th

Bills Fact

Buffalo and San Francisco combined for more than 1,000 total yards when they met at Candlestick Park early in the 1992 season. The 49ers had 598 of those yards, but the Bills won the game, 34-31.

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Remember those good old days? Don't you wish you could just go back? Man, I bet if Jim Kelly were around he could throw a football over Niagara Falls and right into the soft, waiting hands of Andre Reed. Of course, it's easier to both throw and catch without any of those bulky rings on your fingers.

And what kind of calendar doesn't give you the week number, or even the date? I'm pretty sure they're just making stuff up at this point.

While we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids (and trivia!)... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

Worst to First #22... #21.. and #20

The pre-season has begun and our collective semi-bone is creating a bulge that neither sandbags nor concrete dam could prevent from exploding in less than a month's time. With that said, allow us to stroke the fire, so to speak, and preview all 32 teams. Beginning with who we think will suck the most, and ending with who we think will suck the best.

b Lee, please expedite.


The Seedy Underbelly



Deuce and I realized that we are currently off the pace to complete this enormously terrible idea prior to the first game of the season, so rather than scrapping the whole idea mid-stream (as is Deuce's MO), we decided to come up with new and inventive ways to get this square peg into the got dang round hole. Which is why we are going to be covering all the non-Patriots teams that make up the AFC East in this singular post.

So, let's get to it.

Next to the ugliness that was the AFC West, there wasn't a bigger clusterfuck than the AFC East last year. Three teams were all competing for one playoff spot, and nothing was decided until 7PM EDT on the final Sunday of the season. Otherwise known as the day when BFF's career should have ended... But like for real this time.

Yep, if good ol' cocksucker wasn't so shitty and, I don't know, didn't throw maybe the worst INT of his life, then the Patriots would have been in the playoffs, CC Pennington would have never gotten the opportunity to embarrass himself, and perhaps Matt Cassel would have been worth more than a second round pick. But let's not dwell on the Pats (or the past), for they will be covered later on, MUCH further on down the line.

Instead we will focus on the Race for Runner-Up. Which one of these competitive, yet undeniably incomplete teams will finish second in the AFC East?

My guess is the Dolphins (#22) pick up right where they left off; getting worked. No one was ready for these assholes last year. Pennington had something to prove, a new coach inspired some confidence in an already cocky unit, and then there was that fucking wildcat which single-handedly ended nearly 50% of all survivors in Suicide Leagues across the world in week 3. Bastards.

Problem is, if you put the game in Pennington's hands by loading the box, then, well, you see what happens. CC had fantastic protection and actually threw for more yards than Romo, Ryan, and BFF. But to be fair, the Dolphins benefited from having the easiest schedule in the league in 2008, and even as the season progressed, their ability to put points on the board became an issue (with the exception of putting up 38 points against the god awful Chiefs in week 16.... A game in which they also allowed 31 points against those same god awful Chiefs).

And rather than boosting their offense in the offseason, management unsurprisingly, yet ill-advisedly went all defense. The Dolphins still do not have a number 1 receiver, their quarterback can't throw the ball more than 20 yards, and worst of all, everyone now knows what to expect. Dolphins finish last in the East this year.


But the Jets (#21) won't be much better. Sanchez will probably be just as good as BFF. Meaning he will make forced and unforced errors throughout the course of the season while he adapts to the speed and sophistication of NFL defenses. And without some serious help from T. Jones and company, the Jets offense could be in for a seriously long season.

Sure, the defense has improved with the addition of Bart Scott, Lite Shepherd, and of course, a coach named Ryan. But, if the offense can't stay on the field, then the defense will only hold up for so long. And although it bears some resemblance, a Baltimore defense the Jets do not have. Not yet anyway. After all, in 2008 the Jets defense was on par with the Cincinnati Bengals defense, unless you're talking passing defense... The Bengals had a way better season than the Jets did in that category, as did most of the league.

But honestly, if the Jets went 10-6 with a rookie quarterback it would make me happy, if only for how bad the Vikings decision would look in relation.


And lastly, those sad bastard Bills (#20). Haven't seen the Weekly Bills in a while, and that's mainly because our favorite Bills fan is too busy building up a mountain of expectation for the upcoming season, like the good delusionist that he is. Which basically describes ALL Bills fans are for that matter.

Maybe you haven't heard, but the Bills landed TO in the offseason. Yes, sir. In perhaps the the biggest WTF? moment of the entire year, the Bills finally added a wide receiver that could be a viable, non-season-threatening fantasy option. And this addition should significantly improve the 25th best offense in the league... But by how much?

The good news is that JP Losman is gone for good. The question is, what the fuck took so long? Every time he was on the field, he made everyone worse, with the exception of the opposing defense. He made them better. Now when Trent Edwards gets hurt, he's got fuckin Fitzy from Hahvid to back him up. So that's an... upgrade?

For real, the Bills could put something reasonable together this year. Their young defense should improve this season with the return of a healthy Paul Posluszny, Jabari Greer, and (hopefully) Aaron Schobel. With Terrence McGee holding down one side of the backfield, the Bills should see some improvement from the likes of Leodis McKelvin who stepped in for an injured Greer last year.

The biggest question mark is going to be the offensive line, however. Even with a possession guy like TO and a BEAST like Marshawn, if Edwards doesn't have the time nor Marshawn the lanes, than a stalled offense is what we will witness once again.

Donk the Honkey is convinced that the Bills are winning the division this year as soon as Tom Brady blows out his knee again.

The only thing I'm convinced of is that the Bills, sooner or later, are moving to Toronto.

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Let's hear it once again for the Daily Bills:


Friday, August 7, 2009

Bills Trivia

Who is the only quarterback to complete more than 60% of his passes in a Bills' uniform (minimum 250 attempts)?

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Have you written down your answers yet?

It's Rob FUCKING Johnson! AHHHHHHHHH Hahahahahahaha! Forget Canton. I'm heading over to the Buffalo Bills Hall of Fame. Stats like these, it's a mini-Who's Who of NFL greatness.

While we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids (and trivia!)... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Let's hear it once again for the Daily Bills:


Friday, July 31, 2009

Bills Fact

In the midst of OJ Simpson's 2,000-yard rushing season, Bills' vice president of public relation, Bud Thalman creates the nickname "The Electric Company" for the offensive line. When queried, Thalman replied, "Because they turn on the juice."

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You guys know what else turns on the juice? Leslie Nielsen slapstick comedies.

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

And, while we here at FSD won't be bringing you these interesting factoids... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

Daily, er, Weekly Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Let's hear it once again for the Daily Bills:

Friday, July 17, 2009

Bills Fact

The Bills famously acquired Jack Kemp for the waiver price of $100 when the Chargers tried to sneak him through in 1962. The California-born-and-raised quarterback originally didn't want to leave San Diego, but eventually became a star in Buffalo

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Didn't want to leave San Diego for Buffalo? Fuck was the matter with that guy?

While we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids... daily, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Billies!

Daily Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Let's hear it once again for the Daily Bills:


Friday, July 10, 2009

Bills Fact

The Bills played three overtime games in the first four weeks of the 2002 season. All three were decided by touchdowns in the extra session, with Buffalo winning two of them.

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Ah, the rich history that only Buffalo Bills football could provide... Such a wealth of data to draw from, I'm guessing that the well will never run dry. And while we here at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids... daily. However, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS such as the one above, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Bills!

Daily Bills

The Buffalo Bills are a sad sack organization. They have a great fanbase, but it is a tortured one. If the Bills aren't wallowing in the basement of the AFC East, well then they are off losing consecutive Super Bowls four at a time. Sadly, this is the most interesting point of note for the entire organization. Don't believe it? Well then allow us to extend an invitation so that you may find out for yourself. You are ALL invited to bear witness to the wretched hilarity that is the Buffalo Bills Daily calendar.

Introducing, the Daily Bills:


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Bills Fact

Bills' quarterbacks had combined to pass for only five touchdowns all season before Trent Edwards had four scoring tosses in a 38-17 rout of the Dolphins in week 14 in 2007.

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Sadly folks, this is actually one of the better ones... We at FSD won't be bringing these interesting factoids... daily. However, we will do you the favor of cherry-picking the GEMS, so that you are able to know only the truly important details concerning this sad bastard franchise. Until next time, Go Bills!