Communiques de Donk the Honkey

After the Patriots did battle with the Bills on Monday night, I couldn't help but get one person's name out of my head. His name is Donk the Honkey, and not only is he a top 2 commenter (out of 2) on FSD, but he is also the resident Bills fan and source for the Daily, er, Weeky Bills segment. It was apparent that DH had to be devastated after such a terrible... TERRIBLE loss, and so while the wounds were fresh, we conducted a small interview with the poor bastard.


b. Lee: Hey man, you hanging in there?

DH: hey, it's actually kind of nice in here

b. Lee: Have you taken refuge in a bubble or something?

DH: nah, here in uncle ben's rape shed.

b. Lee: Yeah well, you gotta understand something, brother... We're all still breathing heavy from last night's near-train wreck

DH: i can honestly say that i never once thought the game was in hand -- just didn't expect last year's NUMBER ONE NFL SPECIAL TEAMS UNIT to provide the boner.

let me know if you want an exclusive interview for the blog.

b. Lee: I was hoping that you didn't... I figured you would know better. I honestly didn't feel like the game was over either. I was expecting a three and out, and then a punt. But... well... you know.

I would love a Bills' fan's perspective, to be honest.

DH: see: Red Sox fan circa 2003

b. Lee: Eh... I fully believed. I wasn't old enough to really feel Buckner or anything that preceded it, you know?

DH: i'm old enough to understand norwood, the four super bowl losses, music city miracle, the flutie flakes game, rob fugging johnson, the bledsoe era, blowing the cowboys mnf game, this pats game, the fact that we've lost 12 straight to the pats, the fact that we've lost our last three mnf games by a combined four points, need i go on?

b. Lee: Is it all McKelvin's fault?

DH: of course not, the defense while holding points in check 'til the end gave up a million yards. they gave up the big plays at the end. the offense couldn't sustain any drives except for the six minute one in the fourth, that SHOULD'VE BEEN A TEN MINUTE DRIVE if they knew how to milk the clock / run the ball. when they scored i thought they still had too much time on the clock. everytime they showed jauron on the sidelines i had a bad feeling. i thought edwards played great -- didn't have great stats, but no huge boner plays either. jackson ran/received effectively... receivers were taken out of it a bit. couple drops in there as well that could have been big yards or kept a drive alive. just sloppy.

b. Lee: Was TO even playing?

DH: well i think he's part of the reason the screens, runs, and even TE were able to do some damage. that drop on third down though, early, was a tough one.

effing pos better have a broken arm to not have been in that game. of course it was watson that ended up killing them twice. christ almighty.

b. Lee: He was already barking at people down the stretch... Early warning sign?

DH: well the loss is the killer, obviously. if they win the game his bitching doesn't really hold any water. but of course, they lost, so he must be right, right?

b. Lee: At least in his mind.

I thought the O-line played really well for the most part... Until the 4th quarter

DH: well, minus penalties on probably 30% of the plays, but they protected edwards well. i think part of that was the pats not wanting to rush too far up field because of how they were getting torn up by the screens.

b. Lee: Gonna be a running back controversy when Be-Mo gets back?

DH: ehh 'shawn's definitely a better north-south runner, but jackson is so good catching out of the backfield. very nice 1 2 punch, nice problem to have. he would have been a nice option in the 4th quarter, though they couldn't ask for much more than they got from fj last night.

b. Lee: Soooo, is it all McKelvin's fault?

DH: i'm having trouble with it, i don't know. part of me wants to say it's a live by the sword, die by the sword thing -- makes so many good plays doing that. but, what a fucking idiot for trying to pull something like that with two minutes to go in a game where the pats need 7. take it at the 20. run it three times. make them use timeouts. punt it away with a minute to go or less. pray.

b. Lee: Or just drop to the ground when you're wrapped up...

Likelihood that Jauron lasts the entire season: I got 40%

DH: well how the fuck did he make it through last season? it's ridiculous that he is still there. firing him now would be wayyyy too little, too late. it's like taking a shit in a toilet, leaving it for two weeks, and then deciding to flush it. that stank will be around a while.

b. Lee: Stop right there... I think you have the perfect analogy for this season

DH: such a huge swing though -- if they win last night, what a confidence builder. on the road, brady's return, nationally televised, huge underdogs, expected to finish last in the division, against a team that's owned them... and they pull it out?! WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!

but now they're just the team that blew it, again.

b. Lee: Like getting to the starting line with your new wheels, and stalling when the light turns green

DH: history can be so unkind to the losers

b. Lee: So can the present, apparently...

DOWN, GARY!!

DH: tell me that everything is going to be okay...

b. Lee: You know I can't do that. But hang in there, buddy