Worst to First #3

The pre-season has begun and our collective semi-bone is creating a bulge that neither sandbags nor concrete dam could prevent from exploding in less than a month's time. With that said, allow us to stroke the fire, so to speak, and preview all 32 teams. Beginning with who we think will suck the most, and ending with who we think will suck the best.

Is b. Lee gonna have to choke a bitch?

Coalescence



Here's the problem with warm weather teams:

They suck.

Generally speaking, anyway.

The other thing that sucks about them is that even in lieu of their delicate complexions and west coast offenses, the NFL rewards these teams by putting the Super Bowl in a perpetually warm and/or climate controlled location every year. Just seems unfair. Which is why I hate warm weather teams earning bye weeks and home field advantages come playoff time. It just never feels earned. And don't think for a second that dome teams are exempt from this grouping either!

I mean, you had 8 games in balmy conditions. Oh okay, maybe it rained one day, but it was a nice rain, most likely. Chances are you got to play at least two other games in either a dome or a warm-weather climate. Plus, the first two months of the season generally offer fair conditions even in Buffalo during mid-October. So, at worst, a team from a warmer clime is potentially looking at a mere, two potentially bad weather/cold climate games.

Kind of like the Cardinals last year. Remember them? They backed into the playoffs, after an extremely hot start. Up until the end of November, the only cold space that had journeyed to was Seattle... Brrrr... That is up until they arrived in Philly on Thanksgiving night... And got worked. And then once again a few weeks later in Foxboro... Where they once again got worked. I mean, this team was straight up embarrassed in both of these games. So imagine my chagrin when I see these redded snowbirds arriving in Tampa the first weekend in February. Just felt unearned.

The Chargers are another team that have struggled mightily to earn our respect. Combined record on the road in 2008: 3-5. The only victories coming against the Chiefs, the Raiders, and Bucs. Not the strongest of trios these eyes have seen. Also, climbing into the playoffs with an 8-8 record, when there were some teams on the outside looking in with 11-5 records... Ahem. Not cool.

I mean, the coldest place this team has been post-December is the creepy confines of an Indianapolis warehouse, pregnant with the bible-thumping dredges of real America, piping in artificial static, casting dispersions on the wicked... But I digress.

And I'm not making light of this. Shit, I wouldn't want to be in Indy come the first weekend on January, sheltered or otherwise. But the fact that this was the second year in-a-row that the Chargers were able to defeat the Colts on their own dance floor, is rather impressive. Kudos are in order. But, even after these victories, there has always been one final team getting in their way, typically located in the Northeast portion of the United States. Yes, sir. Those waters always seem to be a little too choppy for these surfers come January. Sure, they have the Santa Ana winds, but there ain't no wind like a Nwangland wind after the New Year.

But this year, this is the year for the Chargers. Why? For the exact reasons mentioned above. They're not going to have to earn anything this year (with the exception of an assault and battery acquittal for Mr. Merriman, who apparently can't handle his Tequila shots). San Diego is going to cruise through their division. Sure, they have to do battle with the Steelers, Giants, Eagles, and Ravens, but they will at least split these games, and are therefore looking at a 13-3 record. And if the Patriots and Steelers stumble at least a little, then there's really nothing stopping the Chargers from enjoying a nice trip to Tijuana prior to the Divisional playoff game at Qualcomm.

Sure, their pass defense was downright rotten last year, but against the likes of Orton, JeMarcus, the Chiefs, and Flacco, they should be able to manage. And if Merriman can get his lawsuit tossed or at least delayed, then the pass rush should improve, aiding their spotty secondary Plus, Vincent Jackson is going to be a top 5 wide receiver this year (Yuh Bird?!?), so you know, they got that going for them as well. And they are finally going to be healthy.

And perhaps more of all, it seems as if the Chargers might be ready to earn that passage to the next level. After two marginally successful playoff runs, they may in fact be ready to make the jump. No, I am not discarding general principles. Warm weather teams still suck. But that's the danger of stereotypes; even if they generally apply, a hard and fast subscription to them can get you into trouble. Besides, THE SHEET drops tomorrow, and if there is a time and a place for offensive stereotypes, then that's it. So this year, I am going to be flexible in my judgments. So much so, that I'm calling the Chargers the champions of the AFC.

Let's just hope Miami isn't too cold for them come February.