Worst to First #6

The pre-season has begun and our collective semi-bone is creating a bulge that neither sandbags nor concrete dam could prevent from exploding in less than a month's time. With that said, allow us to stroke the fire, so to speak, and preview all 32 teams. Beginning with who we think will suck the most, and ending with who we think will suck the best.

Keep your pimp-hand strong, Deuce.

The Anti-Sleeper

I'm not sure how to follow-up the bristly, Brawny, delusional debut of the one known as The Ginge (we speak American in these parts) except to put an exclamation point on the last remaining non-top 5 caliber team of the 2009-2010 season: the Peregines of the South, the artists-formerly-known-as The Dirty Birds, the Atlanta Falcons. While the 49ers and Texans carry the torch of sleeper for the league this season, it is the Blackbirds who I am anointing the Anti-Sleeper of this season.

FSDictionary defines sleeper as "a team most likely or able to exceed expectations, predictions and/or talent level by achieving an unprecedented level of success; usually based on a promising finish to the previous season." The inverse of this being a team most likely to underachieve or fall far below inflated expectations due to their sleeper status of the previous season. If that didn't give you a headache, then you didn't drink nearly enough Johnnie Walker Black straight from the bottle this weekend.

Everyone seems pretty quick to doubt, say the Cowboys or Colts this year, predicting they could be the anti-sleepers who begin to slide into mediocrity. Somehow Atlanta is getting a free pass as the national media has taken for granted that yes, they ARE as good as they played last year. Lost in the conversation is how many career years, rookie contributions and lucky breaks went Atlanta's way last year on their run to the playoffs.

Ignored is the fact that their former rookie head coach is now a second-year head coach, coming off of a way-too-successful season. In other words, likely doomed to be exposed. (See: Tice, Mike. Jauron, Dick. Del Rio, Jack).

Forgotten is that their Goldilocked QB is only in HIS second-year, prime for a ROY letdown season. And that their studly WR, Rowdy Whideout just inked himself a few more millions of dollars. Strong evidence of brewing diva/pain-in-the-ass/lacksadasical efforts from one of last year's top receivers. Turner the Burner? I don't give a shit about how many carries he had last year. That's no reason to assume he'll be worse. But what IS cause for concern is the sample size. Much like Matty Lite and Coach What's-His-Name, Turner has yet to show that he can produce at an elite level for consecutive seasons as the workhorse. And if he were to get injured? Jerious Cocktease Norwood ain't gonna cut it.

I'm by no means doubting the pure talent of White, Turner, Ryan and Associates. White is the rare stretch-the-field speed threat who is big and sure-handed enough to play the possession receiver role. And Turner runs like his dick is on fire. I'm simply concerned that unlike last season, the parts may be greater than the sum. Exhibit A being the turdbomb they dropped against the Redbirds in the playoffs last season.

The defense is still questionable, even with John Abraham, and their fans still wish Ryan were blacker, badder and more adept at electrocution. Though I do love the Tony Gonzalez addition on a number of levels (veteran savvy and leadership, aching desire to win a Super Bowl, go-to 3rd down threat, super-smoking wife), there are a lot of variables in play with this team that could knock them down a peg or two.

Can they win in pressure situations? Can they win consistently on the road? Can they stay healthy and fortunate?

Maybe, maybe, and perhaps.

But if not, anyone riding the wave of Dirty South Kool-Aid is probably waking up with egg on their face while "this year's Falcons" enjoy a soothing post-coital drag of a cigarette and a few more hours of sleep.

Why so short? Blame The Ginge's verbal diarrhea.