What in fuck heck (ibid) is The Sheet®?After two full Sundays of orgasm- inducing NFL football, Week 3 is upon us. Let us take a moment to savor it, swish it around in our mouths, as it is the last week in which every single NFL team will be playing. BYE weeks, from here on out; causing havoc and anarchy on waiver wires everywhere.
And if these last two weeks have been a climax of football anticipation, the introduction of the NFL Network's Red Zone Channel is the G-spot. One word: Revolutionary. It's been panned elsewhere on the internet, but for one such as myself it is Nirvana. I was so used to 2 choices on Sunday: 1.) My couch, and whatever turd of a regional game I was granted or b.) Get thee to a sports bar, follow FSD's rules, and watch games imagining what the commentary was.
Now...Channel 155, all day (until the Bears game). My favorite part is that the name "Red Zone Channel" is a little misleading. It ought be called "Most Exciting/Important/Relevant Game At This Exact Moment Channel." The Chiefs are faced with 3rd and goal from the Oakland 16? That's a nice Red Zone moment and all...but I'd much rather be watching the Jets defense pestering Brady as he tries to put together at least ONE touchdown drive late in the 4th. And the Red Zone Channel obliges; almost as if it thinks for you. Like there is a team of professional football fans, picking and choosing what matters, and what doesn't.
And by God, it's beautiful.
Commentor suggestions, advice, feedback always appreciated. Perhaps the contestant who has technically the best W-L record will actually earn some cabbage this week. FUCK! THE CABBAGE! I WANT IT NOW!
Week 3, bay-bee
Yeah, baby girl, swish it around that mouth. You dirty girl. You know what I like.
ReplyDeleteGod, I really hate those week 16 and week 17 bye weeks. I mean, what if you finish first in the NFC, and your bye week is week 17? You then get THREE weeks off?
That's messed up...
Eat a dick. Week 17 is like Preseason Week 5. Everyone sits.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, like when the Dolphins sat their entire team against the Jets last year, because they just knew Brett Favre would fuck himself...
ReplyDeleteYeah.
Would you like me to rephrase that this is the last week EVERY team has a guaranteed meaningful game?
ReplyDeleteAlso, would you like me to take my scrotum off your face, or just leave it there all night?
Question the 1st: Yes.
ReplyDeleteQuestion the 2nd: The choice is yours. I forgot it was even there to be honest