Worst to First #15

The pre-season has begun and our collective semi-bone is creating a bulge that neither sandbags nor concrete dam could prevent from exploding in less than a month's time. With that said, allow us to stroke the fire, so to speak, and preview all 32 teams. Beginning with who we think will suck the most, and ending with who we think will suck the best.

What you getting at with book-script-shit? Spit that shit out, b. Lee!


Call Me Kitty Kat


A small debate was just waged as to how we were going to handle the next few squadrons. Where do we place the Super Bowl runner-up AZ Cardinals? Are they better than the Saints? Do we award points simply due to their accomplishments in the post-season? Can we forget about that beatdown they received at the hands on non-playoff teams like the Jets and Pats? Are they better than the Saints? How about the Panthers?

Heading into the playoffs, the Panthers had to be one of the most feared teams in the NFC. They were packing arguably the best rushing game in all of football, and they had just taken the Giants into overtime in December, on the road, as a warm weather club. With a bye in their pocket and a supposedly soft Cardinals squad heading to the East Coast, there was no doubt that the Panthers were destined for, at worst, a trip to the NFC title game, in what would have been yet another home game.

But, it wasn't the Cardinals that strolled into town on that cold December night. Instead it was a team that had morphed into the nickname belovedly attached to them by the Blogfather himself; The Buzzsaw. The Kitties were embarrassed and the Cardinals rolled, leaving the favored home team in a tangled heap of broken dreams, then materialized in the form of a pulpy matter which only the strongest of woodshop machinery could produce (see photo above).

And it is for this very reason why we cannot rank the Panthros above the Redbirds.

The main reason for the Panthers fall from grace, aside from Gumbo's penchant for meltdowns, is that their defense is downright mediocre. We give Black Peppers a lot of attention and for good reason, but it looks as if his individual sack stats are not necessarily translating into real gains for the Cougar defense. Beason should be getting most of the attention, but he is going to need some serious help to improve on these numbers: 16th ranked passing defense, 20th ranked rushing defense. Does not really scream Stingy D. And when you are already allowing 20 points a game, a Po' Boy pickfest certainly doesn't help your cause.

Another sticking point is Coach John Fox. After last year's poor guidance during the Divisional Disaster (Why abandon the run? Your QB is wholeheartedly manufacturing points for the opposing team. Give the ball to Deangelo and block for him!), it is time to look at the man's track record. Since he took office in 2002, the Panthers year by year records are as follows:

2008: 12-4
2007: 7-9
2006: 8-8
2005: 11-5
2004: 7-9
2003: 11-5
2002: 7-9

After every above average year, this team seems to fall back to earth in the most unsatisfying way possible, hovering around the .500 mark while Delhomme nurses his jambalabia and various cornerbacks recover after being assaulted by pocket-sized receivers. One has to wonder what blame the coach needs to accept for this lack of consistency. And by what blame, I mean like, a lot or, all.

Yet, as long as Dumb like a Fox keeps his master play-calling on the sidelines (so to speak), and keeps the ball in the hands of D Will, J. Stew, and the like, then it will open the field up for Scuba Steve late in the game, for some backbreaking scoring, and keep the Panthros competitive in a potentially solid division, where offense is going to be a team's best defense.

In the end, perhaps the biggest question facing Carolina prior to this season is what are the 2009 Panthers built for; speed or comfort? Because that could make all the difference in the world.