Baby girl, you know that I love you. You know this... Howevuh, a man like me cannot simply be satisfied with just one. I need them ALL. To taste them, to feel them, to stimulate them. So on this February the 13th, this day of impending LOVE, I would like to send a shout out to all my partners, past, present... and of course, future.
CP3 - We had something special you and I. You had your quick... release. I had my swarming defense, that you were somehow always able to... penetrate. Like so many other things, you stole what was mine. Keep it. You'll be back.
Larry Fitzgerald - Dearest Fitzy, we had our time together didn't we? I would dangle from the headboard and you would come up and"get me" as they like to say about you. But alas, my time in the desert needed to end. That burning sensation could only be attributed to the summer swelter. Although the sting still lingers...
Rondo - Oh those hands. When are you gonna wrap those monster mittens around my hips? Just don't give me the ol' fake reach around. Let's make sure it's for real. You'll never be underrated in my book, cutie pie.
Evan Longoria - You catch everything, and release nothing. I always loved that in a man. Your stroke is always smooth, yet firm. It's all I ever needed. You are my Ray of sunshine, amidst the dark clouds of Internet pornography.
LDT - You always knew how to find the holes. But you just got too old for me. One hour-long session and you were out of commission for the next 3 weeks. I need satisfaction. I need consistency. Maybe you will find love at your next destination. Which most likely will be Cleveland.
And to the 2008-2009 Pittsburgh Penguins...
I'm coming for you... All.
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