God damn it, Tiger's coming back...
The economy is in shambles (although I AM a golfer, so) and I was just getting used to this whole 'not being embarrassed week in and week out,' thing. And now he comes back and brings all those old nightmares with him.
What's that Steve Williams? My bitch tits are what actually embarrass me? Hey man, lay off all right. Just because you have the best job in the world doesn't mean you get to insult me all the time. No, I am not jealous of you. Well fine, maybe a little, but so what? Your job is stress-free. You try not choking on the 18th hole in the presence of Tiger. I'm choking on what? Oh that's just disgusting.
Well, good talk, Steve, but I gotta go tell the wife that we won't be building that ski lodge in Aspen this summer, since Tiger's gonna be taking food LITERALLY off of my table. Now, what has my wife ever done to you? No, she's not as hot as Tiger's wife, but she is blond and beautiful all the same. She is NOT that old! How dare you. No you can't have her number. Now how on earth do you have it already? She GAVE it to you?!
God damn you, Tiger Woods. Why can't you just stay at home and make more babies for the rest of your life? I hardly think it is ANY of your business, Steve. Yes, they are ALL mine. Because I just know! No, I do not think that Amanda shares a resemblance with... Although her complexion is a little... No, that's not possible... Oh god, I'm gonna be sick.
/vomits
I hate my life.
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