Thursday, February 26, 2009

Conscientious Objections with Benny DC


Every month or so we will be receiving a contribution from my friend and fellow bleeding heart, Benny DC. He'll be acting as the angel on your shoulder, questioning your moral character, the import of your actions, and generally just pissing you off. However, we here at Five Second Delay feel the need to provide contrasting opinions, so long as we get to decide when and how that opinion is transmitted. Do it to us, Benny:
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Let me say: I know nothing about this blog except that is about sports. Of course, that is sufficient information to hate this digital space, its so-called creators, its contributors, and anyone who happens to read any articles placed here.

That includes you. I hate you.

Now, listen: Humanity faces serious problems. The economy is going boom-bust. We are letting each other die. No one is planning for an asteroid attack, our high schools are less relevant than Guitar Hero, and everyone – including Jessica Simpson – is now fat.
And you (presumably educated people) are wasting your breath on sports. Which would be fine, because everyone is entitled to a little escapism, except that it’s a little more than just that, isn’t it?

It’s obsessing and goddamn fantasizing. It’s getting your kicks from giant dudes on performance enhancing drugs tossing around small objects in the name of athleticism, courage, and God. One gentleman I know recently told me that he spends approximately 3 hours every evening watching games, managing his fantasy teams, and reading about athletes. This number hits about 6 hours a day on the weekends and can stretch into 10-plus hours on Sundays during football season. That is obscene. It is simply indefensible for anyone with a self-concept that includes moral principles to spend that much time on a thing that produces so little utility.

So, to all of you out there: stop. Go outside. Make something. Romance your lady friend. Do something that enriches you. Find a lady friend. Look at art. Drink heavily. Save a child.

Whatever you do, don’t read this blog anymore. Whatever you do, don’t sit in front of a screen watching sports and pretending that what you’re doing is important, or relevant, or anything at all.

All right. I am assuming that will be good enough to shut it down.

If not, I’ll be back.

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Thanks, Benny boy. I think I speak for everyone when I say how great it's going to be having you around for this monthly shaming.

3 comments:

  1. And just for the record, since this blog has been up and running, the number has gone up to at least 5-6 hours a day... Can't wait until football season starts!

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  2. Oh, and also, nobody listen to him.

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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