Chicago's New Treat

We join some regular ol' Chicagoans down at Schatz' Deli on S. Wabash discussing the most recent Chicago-related news items.

Eh Jahn.


Eh Lerry.


Eh Stoo.


You guys hyear about this noo MAR-tza Bahll thing that's comin'a Chicahgow?


Nah Jahn.  Whatcha talkin' abaht?


Yeah, appearently dey're brginin'in some new Jooish thing/  They're cahllin it the Martz-a Bahll.


Martz-a Bahll?


Yeah, it's this new thing!  Supposed to get everything byack ahn tryack, you knoow?


Oh yeah, Jahn, howzat werk now?


Well from what I hear, it takes all the things that aren't good and makes them good agyin.


Eh, maybe we should feed it to duh Bears, huh?


That's what dey're dooin, Stoo!  Appearently, it's gonna get duh Bears ahffense gooin' agin.  You knoow, high-pow'red and point scorin' and the like.


And what's dis thing agyin?


Martz-a Bahll.


Martz-a Bahll?


Martz-a Bahll.


Well, maybe we should try it then, huh?


Why naht?


Three Martz-a Bahll soops, der Syally.


Eh, I don't know, Jahn.  Tastes pretty bland to me.


Yeah, Jahn, what's this stuff supposed to do agyin?


Come ahn guys, like I said, it's supposed to make the bad things good agyin.  It makes you faster, more effective, and exciting!


Soop'sp'osed to do that?  I don't think that makes any sense, Jahn.


Yeah, Jahn.  Listen, Sam'rai Mike tried di'same thing out in Queeyerland and he didn't like it very much either.


Yeah, I heard he banned the Martz-a Bahll last season, and then this year, their ahffense was better'n ever.


Listen guyss: THIS is the stuff, okay?  And maybe if you guyss would finish up yer soop, den you'd see exactly what I was talking about.  I feel more excited already...


Listen, Jahn, we wanna see duh Bears offense get gooin', too, but, I mean, come ahn!  This is craziness hyere.  I mean I got no prahblem with the Jooz, but they're just people, you knoow?  They're naht myagic people..


So what, guyss?  Go Vikings or somethin'?  I hear the prahperty valyues up in St. Paul are lookin' good dese days.


Come ahn now, Jahn.  We love duh Bears.  But how about making some good draft picks?  An offensive lineman, or two.  A new head coach.


Now that's just racist!


What's racist abaht it?  I just said I ain't had no prahblem with Jooz, and I certainly don't have a prahblem with the the blacks eider.  You knoow Hester is my favorite player in the werld, and he's a black.  But bringin'in some hack whose only accomplishment was riding Dick Vermeil's coattails, well, it just doesn't make sense to me... Kind of like you and your soop, Jahn.


You guys have it your way, but I'm excited and I love the Martz-a Bahll.  Speakin'a'which, you guys gonna finish yers?


All yers, Jahn.


Here yuh goo, buddy...


Anyway, yer boy finally gonna finish up over at the community cahllege there, Stoo?


Looks like it, Jahn.  Dumb bag of sand looks like he's finally gonna be bringin home dat tyassel.  And thank Gahd for day my'right?


Thank Gahd....