"The world needs haters. Without them, we'd be faced with a society of people walking around, feeling good about themselves."
- Deuce
When no one has the courage, not even the opponents in the upcoming Super Bowl, nor the pundits and professional cocksueses who are too busy messaging the vast egos of professionals and pushing us all to other pursuits in the meantime, one can always rely on FSD to provide the fuel. The fuel that pushes down on the gas pedal during the morning commute. The fuel that causes you to attend a Tea Party. The fuel that makes swallowing a hard loss all the more painless. The fuel is THE HATE. And because the teams sponsored here at FSD have (ALL) been bounced from the playoffs, and in lieu of the fact that we must pick a team to support, we are choosing to say "fuck it." If we are gonna be forced (in the end) to lend our support to one of these jagmuffs, then we will not do so without a fight. And so without any additional delay, let us introduce the detestable candidates!
Voodoo Childs
Why they are unworthy of your support: Because are you really that excited about a team that got stomped by the Cowboys not all that long ago? Or the team that snuck passed the Rams and Redskins? Or how about the team that forced 6 fumbles and 2 INTs yet still probably should have lost back in the Conference Championship. You think Peyton would have thrown that INT? Ha!
Because did you even give a shit about this team up until a few years ago? What? With disaster comes prolonged emotional support? All the people that got fucked by Katrina no longer live there! They were probably pulling for the Texans up until January 3rd! Look, it was tragic, sure. But, Haiti just went through some shit to, and you don't see me practicing voodoo in honor of some misplaced idea of solidarity... And what the fuck is it with French colonies and being fucked up? Thanks for nothing Sun King.
Because let us once and for all, finally dispel the notion of the loyal Saints fan. That loyal Saints fan either wasn't a fan before the start of this decade, or was wearing a bag on his head during the 80's... And probably the 90's. Winning the Super Bowl doesn't rebuild houses, it doesn't re-animate loved ones, and it sure as shit doesn't rewrite history. Now stop it!
Why they are worthy of your support: Because how about an underdog? The Patriots back before they were the Hatriots. The Cardinals last season. The Jets back before Joe Namath was smooching on sidelines reporters. Or, at least before any cared about such acts. And come on, New Orleans v. Indianapolis... Let's just say I'd rather be raped in one over being fucked in the other. I'll let you sort it out.
Equus Ubiquitous
Why they are unworthy of your support: Because have you ever been to Indianapolis? Or even just Indiana? What the fuck are these people doing watching football? Y'all got work to do! Put in something other than a Cracker Barrel for people to eat at. Pick a new motto (I mean, come on)! Shit, raise the speed limit so people can escape that roadworkers' paradise as soon as fucking possible. Here's to a speedy decline so you can get some work done.
Because Jim Caldwell could just as easily be replaced with a mannequin and no one would know the difference. Shit, he just might be a mannequin. Have you ever seen his facial expression change? And I know, we've seen quotes from this man, but have we ever actually heard one? I mean, a coach as inanimate as this can not be allowed to win a Super Bowl his rookie season, right?
Because do you really want Peyton Manning to be considered as the best quarterback in NFL history? Well, that's what you're gonna get if this whole thing goes down according to the current script. Sure, he's awesome, but this whole golly shucks persona was supposedly purged from the league back in the early 80's. You're damn near 30 years too late, Peyton! Now please step aside so the naked, crazy guy to your lower latitude can take the throne because that's how we do it in the modern era.
Why they are worthy of your support: Well, because everyone loves a winner, right? And you can bet, or perhaps should bet, your ass that they are walking out with another Lombardi trophy.
--
And goddamn it, I'm gonna have to get drunk to deal with that horror. And not just that horror either. I mean, this is IT. And that sucks. No more football after Sunday. Sure the draft is on the way, but that's like taking away my new big wheel and then replacing it with a toy block. I've never been good at this "let's take some time off thing" and I'm afraid this time around is no exception.
Sigh...
No comments:
Post a Comment