In fact, the US government has been secretly ciphering money off to the United States Curling Association (USCA) in hopes of developing some serious talent for the 2014 games in Russia, in order to show Svetlana and company that we're here to dominate all sports and not just the snowboard competition.
The goal: to medal by any means necessary.
The means: the best American athletes in... America.
Introducing curling prospect #4: Wally White.
Known as "the Poet" as he is a comedy to his teammates, a tragedy to his opponents, and an inspiration to the world. According to Curling Magazine's Sal Triper, America's leading curling scout, the southpaw White "reminds scouts of the phenomenon Evans (class of 72'), with a natural left hand, able to deliver the rock from all angles. Ability to glide on all surfaces. Team leader, never hesitates to command his sweepers. As "sure" a pick as you can make, this guy has all the tools."
Well, America, it looks like your ice-driven prayers have been answered, for it is only a matter of time until we assume our place at the rightful place at the top of cold weather athletic food chain. More prospects to follow, but perhaps none as electrifying as "the Poet" and his sheets of ice.
I've seen him....he can glide on unfinished wood floors. The dude bowls bare-foot.
ReplyDelete5 tool player.