Tiger-Style No Match for Beef Curtain Technique

When the focus of the tournament often veered toward whether or not Tiger Woods was a cocksucker worth rooting against or worth rooting for, Tiny Tits Phil kept us all interested in what was occurring on the course rather than what occurred in that porn star's boombox.

While the leaderboard didn't shake too much, there was still plenty of flux provided largely in part by some explosive play from the likes of Anthony Kim, the champion Mickelson, and even Tiger himself.  If it were not for Phil's back 9 pullaway (not pull out, kids) yesterday, then Tiger could have very well been in contention, that is if he didn't 3-putt from four feet on the 14th green.  He must have gotten away from his Buddhism for a minute or two or something... Or he just had some salty sweet vagina on his mind.

All in all, a very good showing the Pussmagnet (or is it magnate?).  Karma would not allow another green jacket this time around, but considering the strong condition in which we find his game, it should only be a couple weeks until we see Tiger in the final pairing on a Sunday afternoon.  But for now, we're celebrating Phil... You know, the guy whose wife was actually on hand for his performance in lieu of her weakened condition.  It would appear that Phil's breast reduction surgery was a success after all.