. . .
In a land filled with hope, wonder, and over-priced merchant goods, there was a highly coveted, supremely talented big man in Orlando. Known for his defensive prowess, as well as his monster dunks, the Big Man quickly managed to captivate the hearts and minds of fans across the NBA universe. He was known as the "Man of Steel", not only due to his physique, but also due to his ability to fly through the air before throwing something furious down. The Big Man was able to carry his team all the way to the Finals with his low post dominance and shot-blocking ability, charming crowds across America with his silly antics and gaping smile, and all at the tender age of 23.
However, in his first Finals appearance, the Big Man proved to be no match for his superior opponents, being dispatched with only the slightest of discernible objection. However, Big Man did manage to average 29 points and 13 rebounds per game against one of the best centers in NBA history.
Pau Gasol? No, you silly bastard. I'm referring to Hakeem Olajuwon.
Oh. Wait, did you think I was alluding to Dwight Howard's championship performance (13 pts, 15 rebs)? No. Thankfully we don't have to think about that sad story for the next few months. How to not show up, soldier boy. Now take off that silly cape. The drag is clearly impacting your low post maneuvering.
Congrats, Superman. You just let all your shitty fans down.
---Sooooo, now that this hockey and basketball business is out of the way...
When does football season start again?
No comments:
Post a Comment