In the Year 2000...
I was heading off to college in some crazy Midwestern part of America. Instead of flying directly to my intended location for the next four years, we flew into the only worthwhile city in the entire Midwest. Namely, Chicago.
We were seeing the sites and doing the things, etc. when suddenly Mama Bear, Papa Bear, and Baby Bear fell hungry. So where could a hungry family of three find delicious food in a sprawling metropolis such a Chicago? Why HOOTERS, of course! Nothing screams"Family Time" like dad and son sharing a boner, whilst feasting visually on some D cups.
So we sit there for a while, enjoying our semi-digestible food as well as our last few hours together before we head north toward my freshman haze, when a beam of light flashes through the doorway. In time, an image slowly emerged through the blinding luminescence..
"Holy Shit", I breathe.
"Watch your mouth", papa quickly snaps.
"Can't we have a nice meal fuh...?", mama attempts to inject.
"Shut the fuck up... The Both of you... That's fucking A Rod", I realize.
"Who is A-"
"Shh. Here he comes..."
We do the sort of eating our food, but mostly looking up at the large, arrogant man that is walking towards and then passed us, largely and arrogantly.
Our busty waitress strolls over to check on us when we, barely able to contain ourselves, proclaim in hushed yet obvious tones, "That's fucking A Rod!" Busty doesn't really know what the hell we're talking about, but she decides to stroll over and break the ice with the lad anyway.
Five minutes later she strolls back over to our table with a serious look of disgust on her face, and then says, "Yeah that A Rod guy... He's a real jerk."
"Whuh... Why?" the inquisitive family inquires.
When we get this bomb dropped on us:
Busty: Aren't you A Rod?
Mr. Rod: Where's the party tonight?
The waitress continues her indignation (as if she doesn't get that shit all the time and from less wealthy assholes, to boot) while we greet her with 2 looks of shock, and one stream of giggles from some little dumbass who just happens to be on his way to college.
So I'd like to thank you, Mr. Rod. Not only for this blog post, and not only for the exclusive rights to this fantastic story, but also for providing me with an early window into your douchebaggery long before the national media provided the rest of the populace with it... After a near decade of cover up.
Wait....ARod makes a terrible pass at a waitress at hooters? and that makes him an asshole?
ReplyDeletePeople do that everyday...
Also, how do you characterize a walk as Arrogant? Did he call you a pesant as he walked by? Did he throw a small child out of the way?
Arod is clearly a douche, but not because he hit on a hooker at hooters. The girl had on white tube socks for Christ's sake.
She's a stripper, not a hooker.
ReplyDelete