This week we got Bron Bron vs. Ron Ron
Tale of the Tape...The King
Specs: 6'8 - 250.
Age: 24
Home: Akron, OH
Notable Features: Agile, young, versatile, physically dominant, we are all witnesses.
Endorsements: Nike, Sprite, Vitamin Water, President Obama
Aggressive Tendency: Told his mom to step down.
Testy
Specs: 6'7 - 260.
Age: 29
Home: Queensbridge Project, NYC
Notable Features: Swarming D, unorthodox, crazy, unfortunately we were all witnesses.
Endorsements: PETA, 3 out of 10 psychiatrists
Interests: Hip Hop
Aggressive Tendency: Every night he's on the court... Oh, and then there was that other thing.
Analysis:
It's tough to ever bet against Lebron because in any physical contest, because the man is just a monster. At any point of any game, he is always the most physically impressive specimen on the court. Now whether or not this transfers into the squared-circle and/or the octagon is something that remains to be seen (although a lucrative career no doubt awaits him once the basketball thing passes him by... I give it about 3 or 4 more years), but one has to assume that he could not be taken lightly in the ring.
On the other hand, we have Ron Artest, who also happens to be quite the specimen. While he is not nearly as awe-inspiring on the court as Bron Bron, Artest is still an intimidating presence. And he's fucking crazy. Artest also has 5 years on LeBron meaning that Artest is much closer to reaching "Old Man Strength" status. And plus, he's fucking CRAZY. Now, the size of Ron Artest's balls make them an easy target for Bron Bron, but due to that fact that Artest is crazy, this physical handicap is not as big of an issue.
Scorecard:
Artest by TKO.
Or, LeBron. But only because Artest gets disqualified. Either way, Ron Ron comes out feeling a whole lot better than his opponent.
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