So, let's shun our prideful East Coast bias and start in the center of it all.
First up!
EN EL CENTRO
Considering how bad the Cubs were last year, they really dominated a very good division. For example, I will start with a question: The Cardinals finished 4th in the Central last season, how many games above .500 were they (Could be a trick question...)? But it isn't. 10 games! Can you believe that? In fairness, they did get to pick on the Pirates and Reds very often, and also the Nationals, Giants, and Padres. But still, you're measured by your divisional record, and this speaks very well for the Central. Now if someone could win a playoff series sometime soon, we may even be able to say more.
Still, I can't help but shake the feeling that the NL Central is just the cute division that makes waves during the regular season, can make runs in the playoffs (not lately), and even make the World Series. However, up against just about any American League contender, my money would be on NL representative not winning. The teams seem incomplete, built well enough to win a lot of regular season games, but when it comes to the show, as my man Mr. Plainview once said, they won't be there. Let's prognosticate shall we?
6. Butt (what about the) Pirates?
Your best hitter last year batted .276 (and probably .250 in the second half). You traded away your best hitter, and got small pox blankets in return. Your second best starter's ERA was pushing 5. How did y'all have a better record than the Reds last year? This barely makes any sense.
Good news is that you have some hitters on your team, even though McLouth's decline will continue. Bad news is that your pitching staff is barely something to be optimistic about at this point. Good news is that the average age in the rotation is 27, so the future could be bright. But we all know that if any of them start to look too good, they will be trade to an AL contender. So you got that to look forward to. Here's to one more year of flat out disappointment!
5. Red City Savages
These poor bastards. You know they are going to be terrible again this year. Who the hell is going to hit the ball for this team? Their second baseman? Johnny Gomes? Jay Bruce will surely hit, but will it even be picked up on radar? Forgive my skepticism, but they currently have catcher making 7.5 million who's a lifetime .250 hitter. The pitching staff is actually intriguing. They are young and potentially devastating. Arroyo has been serviceable at the least. Volquez had a tremendous '08, but I actually anticipate Cueto having the better year (call it a hunch). Big question mark is Harang. Can he throw it over the plate this year?
Never fear Reds fans, you picked up Micah Owings last year, so even if he can't fill the 5th-spot in the rotation, he will still be able to lead your team in homers this year... Probably with 15.
4. Brew... Crew...
So sadly, or not so sadly, the Ben Sheets era has come to a close in Miltown. The vernal cocktease has finally departed and now the Brewers can actually proceed instead of sitting in the expectational waiting room... symbolically speaking. Oh and they also got rid of Garbage-time Gagne, so their baggage just got even lighter. It should also be noted that the team did pick up the pace dramatically after Yost was fired... Will the good feelings carry over for Coach Sveum?
The Brewers strength comes from their bats. Braun, Fielders, Hart, Hardy. However, none of these guys manage to hit on a very consistent basis, therefore they never have baserunners to drive in. The Brew did sign Mike Lamb in the off-season, who while not a huge on-base guy, will certainly bolster the lineup. But regardless, the Brewers are going to need guys like Weeks and Hart on-base if they want to be able to outscore their opponents. Because looking at their pitching staff, even with the return of a healthy Gallardo, the loss of CC and Sheets will be noticeable, and the rest of the staff doesn't necessarily strike fear into the hearts of opposing hitters. Brewers are missing a few pieces, and they are pretty fucking big. This causes them to slip this year, and pretty dramatically.
3. Pride of Misery
Somehow, and every year, the Cardinals gather together some mediocre to semi-above average hitters and whites, tallest pitchers that can be found and still manage to be competitive. And it's frigging annoying. You figure that one year, the narcoleptic coach would slip up, bat Pujols 8th, a David Eckstein third, and decide to let Ankiel take the hill once again. Sadly, this has not happened... yet.
The Cardinals didn't have the juice to make a playoff run but to be fair, they had some injury issues. Both Carpenter and Wainwright missed significant time with various ailments (Carpenter? Hurt? Weird...). But still, Senor Pujols was able to carry them to respectability, and on one leg. However, I am seeing similar result this year for the Cards as the last. Competitive, hovering around .500, and not much else. This team had to do better than Khalil Greene this off-season, and they didn't. Still, you got a sweet new stadium down there Cards fans... Enjoy that?
2. Stroh's
Quick, what team does power-hitting, soft-throwing Mike Hampton now play for? I mean, if the Colorado Rockies are picking up the tab then why not, right? I say because the guy is a broken- down chump, but I don't make the calls around here.
So why the Astros over the Cardinals? Not much really, except that the Astros have a few decent hitters instead of just one. If Berkman and Lee can stay healthy, then their offense is dangerous. And because Tejada is old, the MLB has to let him use HGH, by law... So that can only help. Pitching seems to be a problem in that they only have one of them, but when has that ever stopped a National League team from doing damage (*cough* Phillies)? Plus, if Michael Bourn can get on base a little more than last year, and Towles can, well, not suck like he did last year, then the Astros might not even face a challenge for runner-up in the division...
1. Bullshit, Bullshit Bears!
Far and away the Cubs were the most active team in the off-season, luring potential losers from other teams with the promise of continued failure, constant disappointment, albeit with "media darling" status all but guaranteed. Losers like Kevin Gregg and Aaron Heilman. And CRAZY losers like Milton Bradley. And if you looked at their expected rotation, one might feel the inclination to be impressed; Zambrano, Harden, Dempster, Lilly, Heilman/Gaudin. And then their bullpen would only confirm this tendency; Marmol, Gaudin/Heilman, Gregg, Samardizimajig. Impressive, if they weren't all destined to fail miserably.
Biggest question for the Cubs, aside from when or where they will eventually affirm their loser status, is will they be able to fill the ENORMOUS hole left in their lineup with the departure of Mark DeRosa? I wish I were kidding, but this guy was the glue that kept this doomed ship afloat. If Maniac Milton can pick up some of the offensive slack, and Fukudome can hit for longer than one month in a season, then the Cubs offense could be quite the force. Not a strong enough force to overcome their propensity for disappointment, but a force nonetheless. Either way, they run away with the division, and then lose again in the playoffs. This time... Let's say the NLCS.
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