The financial disaster that is the NBA continues to look for new and exciting ways to increase their fanbase. Their latest effort to invigorate ticket sales targets the rapidly growing Hispanic demographic in the United States. Let's take a look at some of the ideas that the NBA has considered employing in the face of these uncertain times:Official Press Release:
With the influx of illegal immigrants streaming across our borders... We mean, of Hispanic Americans who have become NBA fans over the last few years, the NBA feels that it is important to inject some "Latino culture" into our beloved sport every now and again. Therefore, we have decided to unveil our "Spanish Initiative" during the marquee, Texas-sized match up between the Dallas Mavericks and San Antonio Spurs.
- During the game each fan that is unable to prove their United States citizenship will receive an inflatable raft which they can use either to cross back and forth across "El" Rio Grande, or send it back home to Mexico in order to transport their relatives across said river... Excuse us, RIO!
- During the game each fan will receive a voucher for one free taco courtesy of Taco Bell, because Mexicans just love those tacos from Mexico's official restaurant!
- Compasses will be handed out to all attendees that appear to be a bit more "tan" than the average American. These compasses can be used to navigate your way back to your shanty, and/or can help your soon-to-be illegal relatives cross the Sonoran Desert into the USA!
- Spanish to English dictionaries will be provided to any non-native English speaker in hopes that we can help our clogged schools and over-worked educators recover from the burgeoning ESS requirements that have riddled and single-handedly paralyzed our education system.
- For one night only, referees will be making all foul calls in Spanish!
- Bull fighting at half time!
- Free wheel spinners for any and all attendees who are at minimum 5% Hispanic! They look great on any shitbox Toyota!
- While some home teams choose to play music during their offensive possessions, the NBA has decided that it will blast repetitive Ranchero music throughout the course of the ENTIRE Spurs-Mavs match up in honor of Hispanic brethren's poor taste in music.
Oh fuck it...
- The NBA has decided to add the great Spanish word "LOS" to both participating team's jerseys in honor Old West shoot-out!
It's gonna be so great, you might even forget about the Alamo and all it symbolizes to your colonized territories! We're kidding, of course.
THE NBA CARES!
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