MLB Divisional Previews

This week we here at FSD will be bringing you all that you need to know about the upcoming baseball season, division by division. We will tell you how each team will do, how the divisions will shape up, as well as how low Jason Varitek's batting average will drop to this season. Next!

Quietly, this is likely the most competitive division in baseball. (Eat my shit, East divisions). Now, I didn't say the most talent-laden, or the division with the best teams; just the most competitive. You could make a very compelling arguement for any of these five teams either winning the division, or finishing in dead last. What's this all mean? It means NONE of these squads are a sure thing, and each one is loaded with question marks and blind optimism. I don't think quite as linear as my esteemed colleague, so analysis first followed by predicted order of finish. Onward with my best guesses and blatant bias...

Detroit Tigers

Leyland's boys have the "We'll show all you fuckers" motivation factor working in their favor after the utter disappointment of last season. Can the Tigers possibly be THAT shitty again? Maybe. It seems they upgraded offensively behind the plate by adding Gerald Laird, but this team's issue is the pitching staff; both the front and back end. My personal belief is that BonderWoman is toast, while Verlander might not be far behind (thought I do think he gets a little bit of his libido back this season). They switched from one unimposing closer to another in Brandon Lyon, and hey! Lookee here! Joel Zumaya is hurt, and the state of Michigan nods along knowingly. Detroit has some excellent individual pieces and shouldn't be hurtin' for offense, but I don't foresee them putting it altogether, especially with lung cancer staring them all in the face. Though, if Detroit wins the division, it means Miggy Cakes is your AL MVP, and you can write that down.

Chicago White Sox

While the Tigers question whether they're actually as bad as they were last year, the Pale Hose (and their fans) wonder if they're actually as good. Considering the '08 Sox relied almost exclusively on offense through two complete and utter unknowns (Carlos Quentin and The Cuban Missile) while their aging sluggers mired near the Mendoza line, there is obvious skepticism as to whether they can duplicate at least part of that production this year. The departures of True Gold Glover Joe Crede and O-Cab make this team weaker defensively, but they were bad to begin with. Anything the Sox get from Konerko/Thome is gravy, because any measure of success will be heavily predicated on the production of their young guns (throw Josh Fields in with Alexei and Q) and the strength and depth and appetite suppression of the pitching staff. Colon, Jenks and Contreras could out-eat any 3 pitchers from any other team. This team is in the process of a rebirth in the image of Ozzie, and a fresh farm system will probably be asked to contribute this year.

Keep your eye on lefty John Danks. Dude's got a mean-ass mentality, and pitches like his tutor Mark Buerhle; if Mark Buerhle could break 85 on the gun. I say he has a Jon Lester-type ceiling this year. Others laugh at me.

Cleveland Indians

Travis Hafner: juicebag? Or biggest juicebag? Hafner's season was so laughably bad last year that any expectations for a "bounceback" year are equally hilarious. Would Tribe fans be happy with a .240 BA and 30 bombs? Probably, but don't hold your breathe. Sizemore continues to fool folks into believing he's one of those rare leadoff hitters who doesn't hit for average. Then again, it must be tough when your dick is covered with herpes. I'm not at all sure what to make of the Yahoos (Wahoo?), but I'm a skeptic of both Clifford Lee and Carmona. I agree with my colleague that the addition of Mark DeRosa was well-thought out (call him the new Casey Blake?), but if only he could play all those positions at the same time...then maybe Kerry Wood would have less chances to blow a game.

Kansas City Royals

Let's get this out of the way upfront. They Royals are NOT this year's Rays. They also won't finish last. In fact, I even think they'll be "in the hunt", as they say through the All-Star break, giving Steve Phillips a few months of great fodder to sound like an asshole about. There's a good young core in place here with Gordon, Teahen, Butler and Crisp and Gil Meche and Greinke are respectable 1-2. So, assuming Jose Guillen = -10 wins, I'd even venture to say the NuRays finish in sniffing range of .500. If Alex Gordon decides to grow up, they might even be average. I'll promise you this, they'll own the White Sox.

Minnesota Twins

Maybe it's all the basketball on the brain, but the Twinkies remind me a lot of Michigan State. Frequently overlooked, underrated and unknown, but always balanced and good enough to win the division any given year. Gotta respect how Gardenhire does things the vintage way. Steady pitching, impenetrable defense and speed top-to-bottom. This year's version is no different, except the pitching might border more on "hopeful" than "consistent". Big addition Joe Crede fits their defensive model, but he runs like a geriatric. Gotta think their season hinges on Not Johan. If Liriano can be dominant, the rest of the staff should have enough quality starts in them to succeed. If not, or if Mauer's annual bizarre injury is worse this year, the Twins could plummet, and hard.

Keep your eyes on Denard Span and Carlos Gomez. Fast, exciting and triple-machines. As much as I hate the fucking Twins, I'm scared shitless (and jealous) of these two. Things I'm not jealous? Playing baseball inside a garbage bag. Grow up, Humpdome.

Like I said, this party could shake out any number of ways. Here goes nothing:

1. Minnesota Twins

2. Chicago White Sox

3. Detroit Tigers

4. Kansas City Royals

5. Cleveland Indians