The Derrick Rose's just stayed hot and beat the Pacers and I've got Elite Eight action coming up for you.
First up!
Thabeet your Meat
vs.
King of Zaire
followed by a Big East battle in Boston:
Levanskee Fields
vs.
Clitorial Stimulation in a Suit
And because you deserve it America, I'll be providing occasional, random and interconnected thoughts, theories and squirts. Whoops, tip off.
- The first 2 minutes of this game are just screaming Huskies by 17. Totally unintimidated by the press. I know it's early, but +5.5 is feeling heavy right now.
14:11 left in the 1st quarter : So I'm going to try to make these spurts more sparse, but more meaty. Like a good chili. Missouri still looks pissy on offense, but their press and their active effin hands are causing UCONN trouble. Seems like in every game, UCONN gets a comfortable lead early, and then sort of flounders offensively the rest of the game with bad shot selection. Mizzou just needs to be able to score on consecutive possessions. I'm convinced that's the way to beat UCONN. Oh and make Thabeet's unathletic ass foul you a lot.
3:56 in the 1st: Mizzou is on the Purdue career path. Their sphincters get tight every time they get to within 3 points. Thabeet's done for the half with 2 hacks, so NOW'S the time for the Lygers to get hot and take the lead. For their psyche more than anything. Oh, and from this point forward, Stanley Robinson = Deebo.
HALFTIME: The last 50 seconds of that half could be huge. I'm mad impressed with AJ Price. Dude plays with some balls and heart, and loves hitting the big shot. All without looking like a fat slob in the process (yeah, I'm talking to you Mama Fields). Missouri has a chance in this game, they just need to find the confidence to not stall out on offense everytime they get a whiff of the Huskie's ass-side. The 40 Minutes of Hell is working, UCONN's already at their season average for turnovers. My conspiracy theory? UCONN is better in this game with ThaMeatBeater on the bench. Just keep it in mind.
17:02 left in the second half : Walker, the dirty frosh point from UCONN, just went from the top of the 3-point arc to a layup...without dribbling. I counted 3 full steps. And Jay Bilas is busy dissecting UCONN's rebounding strategy in as dry a voice as possible.
- Dick Enberg is having a rough go of it today. Been giving the wrong score, missing calls, calling phantom fouls. A few too many Tom Collins' for ole Dick last night methinks. And here goes Mizzou, cockteasing us all again.
13:29: MIZZOU takes their first lead of the game. Shocking since UCONN is 1 for 12 from the field this half. Thabeet's on the bench with 3, Calhoun's turning red, and the Huskies just put up back-to-back air balls. The crowd in Glendale (reppin') is absolutely pro-Missouri. Deebo is absent this half.
- Ridiculous alley-oop attempt. Be ashamed of yourself.
11:55: This got real awesome, real fast. Tied at 52, and Missouri with all the mo', eating all da hog maws.
10:59: Deebo heard me. Just threw down 2 swats on the same possession.
9:26: UConn is BEGGING Missouri to take a lead. Missouri declines the offer.
5:46: Uconn is running on fumes, but using their beef to keep the Tigers juuuuust at arm's length. Until that little 4 point spurt. Still 2 possessions.
1:53: Back to back baskets by Walker (controlling the end of the game) and Safford, each that can only be described as (dare I say?) clutch.
1:02: Once again, after a Price basket, Missouri's lack of assertiveness on offense kills 'em. Down 5, UCONN at the line and by spread in serious jeopardy.
0:50: Shitty.
8 seconds: a "for gambling purposes only" 3 by King Zaire puts Missouri down 5! A steal or a missed Husky free throw, and I might back into some cabbage yet.
0.0: ............................................. I mean...........fuck off, Zaire Taylor. That was a gimme lay-up to beat the spread. Dude bet on the game, I swear it.
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This shit's more time-consuming than I thought. I'm gonna lick my bettor's wounds after that and try to enjoy this 2nd game for what it is.
All right, clearly masturbation became more of a priority for my distractable friend, so here's what you need to know about the Pitt-Nova game (I was thehhhhh).
ReplyDelete- Nova's play, coach, and fans all looked better than Pitt's throughout the entire game.
- A girl threw up into a trash can in the lobby during the game. Not sure who she was there in support of, but she obviously wasn't smart enough to spot the bathroom located directly behind her... so you can infer what you'd like.
- 65% Nova fans, 30% Pitt fans, 5% Red Sox fans
- I love Sam Young
- Nova fans are loud. Pitt fans are angry.
- I used to not like Levance Fields. Now I do.
- I want Nova to win the whole thing.
- There's need to be a set defensive scheme against a final second rush up the court by a short point guard.