My name is Deuce. I apologize for my extended sabbatical from this arena of gladiatorial combat combining wit and snark and Google Image searches. I was forced to take a personal leave of absence due to a rare condition in which I developed an illness resulting in a 2 week quarantine. My fight with this condition is not over, nor may it ever be. But, take solace dear readership of 3, perhaps 4, that I will use this blog for the medicinal properties it holds in my struggle to survive in a world outside my own. One of the worst symptoms of my malady is something we like to call, “Severe Blogarrhea”. That being said, surrender to me your ears as I excrete toxins in a segment titled:
“Stepping up to the Plate”
Curt Schilling
With Brett Favre now rumbling and stumbling around his land on the back of a John Deere on a permanent Vicodin buzz, the sports world was yearning, needing, hungering, nay…CRAVING a new egomaniacal attention-whore, whose every ambiguously idiotic phrase would be latched onto as a child waits in earnest for his parent’s permission to drink some Ecto Cooler with lunch instead of 1% milk, while he manipulates 1 or 2 memorable performances into a lifetime of fellatio from the athletic populace; the entire time operating under the assumption that anyone truly fucking gives a shit whether or not he ever steps onto an athletic field again. What would we ever do without his batshit-ignorant right-wing, bleeding from somewhere role in our world? We’d be a little emptier inside, that’s what. Thank you, 38 Pitches, for stepping up to the plate.
Steve Russo, Sexiest Bartender
You've raised the bar for Mark Chumura, Le Ginge, and former teenage fathers everywhere. Bravo, sir.
Brandon Marshall
For showing Chris Henry what a little more skill at catching footballs would have gotten him.
“Stepping up to the Plate”
Curt Schilling
The Boston Celtics 
Considering the Dallas Cowboys become seemingly more and more irrelevant each year, where would we turn to find a franchise willing to overpay for any and every marginally available superstar, indoctrinate them and their fan base to portray said superstar as some sort of organizational legend, dominate the collective psyche of its entire industry, and commit to bringing onboard any living, breathing, lazy, piece-of-shit hominid criminal who quit on a team and a city, as long as he can contribute 8 points and 22 minutes-a-game and a tattoo of his own logo on his head. In a time where one may have been misguided that sports franchises employ any sort of ethical responsibility or concern for a man’s character, I salute the Boston Celtics for stepping up to the plate, and bringing us back to the reality.
Considering the Dallas Cowboys become seemingly more and more irrelevant each year, where would we turn to find a franchise willing to overpay for any and every marginally available superstar, indoctrinate them and their fan base to portray said superstar as some sort of organizational legend, dominate the collective psyche of its entire industry, and commit to bringing onboard any living, breathing, lazy, piece-of-shit hominid criminal who quit on a team and a city, as long as he can contribute 8 points and 22 minutes-a-game and a tattoo of his own logo on his head. In a time where one may have been misguided that sports franchises employ any sort of ethical responsibility or concern for a man’s character, I salute the Boston Celtics for stepping up to the plate, and bringing us back to the reality. Steve Russo, Sexiest Bartender
You've raised the bar for Mark Chumura, Le Ginge, and former teenage fathers everywhere. Bravo, sir.
Brandon Marshall
No comments:
Post a Comment