Yeah, But It's Not a Sport

Back in the simpler times, when we were all younger folks, we spent a lot more time outside, being active and not fat. We would be out, running around with our friends, playing backyard football and sideyard whiffle ball, and just generally not playing the role of the sedentary slob that modern living and a 9-5 work schedule has cast us into. Back then we knew what a sport truly was; it was anything that got you to run around, or anything that required some kind of athletic ability. If you weren't athletic, well you sure as shit weren't capturing that flag, kicking that can, or dodging that ball.

Nowadays, with the rise of sports entertainment, and no I don't mean you professional wrestling, it seems that anything we might simply enjoy in our leisure time is now a sport. Playing cards, casting a line, and reading a book all seem to have a place somewhere on the ESPN network. It seems that if one does something for sport, then that makes it a sport, and then somehow one is excepted into the pantheon of athletes due to this turn of phrase. So maybe we should start with an attempt to untangle this web of bullshit.

To say that you enjoy something for sport, simply means that you enjoy the competition of the affair, real or imagined. You enjoy shooting wild game because it is you versus nature, or you enjoy the battle of wits in a game of poker. So in this case, sport simply means competition, or the pleasure derived thereof. I, for one, play Magic the Gathering for sport.

A sport, on the other hand, requires specific athletic ability. In a sport, you need to be able to run, jump, throw, shoot (using your arms or feet, not your fingers), kick, punch, and most importantly, be on your feet (skates (bladed or wheeled) are an exception, as are those dudes from Murderball and wheelchair marathoners). Perhaps the single overriding factor in all of sports, or what makes a good athlete, is balance and body control. Offensive linemen, sprinters, boxers, goalies, gymnasts; they all require balance and body control, in addition to their specific skill sets, which allow them to thrive in their respective competitive endeavor.

This brings us to the subject of NASCAR. There is no debating the fact that driving a car at speeds of 200 mph, while wearing a heavy fire-retardant jumpsuit, and turning left for 3 straight hours is hard work. G force is pulling the driver's body in the opposite direction for the entire race and it takes strength, stamina, and quick reflexes to keep things from getting out of hand in a matter of seconds. These men are wondrously skilled at what they do, and there is no intention to demean or undermine their abilities. The question remains, however, just what is athletic about this process? Is it merely the fact that, "Well, you couldn't do it"?

What makes a great athlete is prowess in their respective sport. Lance Armstrong is a great athlete because he dominates the Tour. Shaq is a great athlete because he is both a freak and has been consistently relevant for well over a decade. Barry Sanders was a great athlete because, well, have you ever seen the guy play? But what makes a superior athlete is crossover ability, which is to say the ability to compete in multiple sports. And I'm not talking Michael Phelps' ability to both backstroke and breaststroke better than everyone else. I am talking Bo Jackson, Deion Sanders, and Jeff Samardjimajig. People who have demonstrated proficiency in multiple competitive sports.

Yet this seems to be the common bond that all true sports share; if you are good at one sport in particular, then chances are that you can at least hold your own in another. Lance Armstrong might not be able to dunk, but he can probably D up for a whole game without a break. Shaq might be too slow to be a tight end, but he can probably make some good downfield blocks. And Barry Sanders... Again, have you ever watched the mother fucker?!

Obvious Ricky Bobby-related stereotypes aside, you rarely see a chubby NASCAR driver... With the exception of Tony Stewart. These men need to be in some kind of shape to operate the machine that they occupy. But what about their sport translates elsewhere? What do we know about the physical ability of these men or women outside the confines of their automobile? Can they run, jump, or throw a baseball? The only evidence that we have as to any physical ability is Carl Edwards' backflipping capabilities... Which if he is able to do after 3 hours of so-called grueling work, then he is either an extraordinary athlete, or the work he just did isn't as physically demanding as advertised.

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If you've seen King of King: A Fistful of Quarters, then you are familiar with Steve Wiebe's (pronounced WEEB) live performance at Fun Spot up in New Hampshire. It took Steve two hours to get to the Donkey Kong kill screen and he didn't have any breaks. Stamina and concentration were obvious components of this piece. But is he an athlete?

If you have ever spoken with a truck driver, then it is clear that this profession certainly takes both strength and concentration to do what this man does. Driving an extremely heavy piece of machinery across the country for potentially days on end is certainly strenuous activity. But does that make him an athlete?

Now what if we merged Steve Wiebe with the anonymous truck driver, added a dozen or so competitors, and turned the speed up by about 100 mph? Now, while this frankenstein would certainly be something wonderfully skilled, there is still nothing that suggests that we have created anything resembling an athlete.

NASCAR drivers are certainly skilled. However, skills do not necessarily imply athletic ability. Randy Moss could not simply jump into the stock car tomorrow and begin bombing around Daytona at 45 seconds per lap. However, if he spent a year training, he probably would be able to. He might not be at the top of the Chase standings, but he could compete. Put Jeff Gordon on the football field tomorrow and what would he be able to do? Football is too rough? Fine, baseball. Baskbetball? In a swimming pool?

Granted, we don't know what Michael Phelps can do outside of the swimming pool. But, we do know that he is in fantastic shape and that his sport demands peak physical conditioning. Why? Because he is doing the work exclusively. There is no machine that he is operating within. He puts 7,000 calories of fuel into his stomach, rather than into the tank of a Chevy.



An individual NASCAR driver could certainly be an athlete, but based on our definition of an athlete (someone who has crossover ability and/or whose sport requires peak physical conditioning, rather than simple conditioning), we cannot uphold the claim that NASCAR drivers are truly athletes based on the requirements of their sport. Driving is a skill and is something that can be learned. Whether or not you become good at it is a different question, but we all have the potential to get behind the wheel of a car and drive.

Competing in a sport such as basketball or even figure skating requires that you are an athlete first and foremost. If you are not athletic, then try all you want, but you will never be able to step on the field at a competitive level. Now these sports also require skills, so one could theoretically practice juggling a soccer ball all day and become very good at it. However, this would not make you a good soccer player unless you had the athletic ability to utilize this skill on the pitch, accompanied by superior speed, fitness, and coordination.

Ultimately, the difference comes down to one of order. To be good at sports, you must be athletic. If you are athletic, then you acquire the skills to succeed in a particular sport. In NASCAR you must first be a skilled driver, and then you improve on those skills. Athleticism is not necessarily required, but is merely phenomenological, in that it evolves from the repetition that goes into improving one's driving skills. Ergo, NASCAR drivers may be athletes in a very limited sense, but strictly in terms of what their own sport requires, and nothing suggests that being a better athlete than the driver to your left improves your chances of winning a race.

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This is certainly armchair in nature, and by no means exhaustive, but I am interested in coming to consensus on just what makes an athlete, and from there, what is truly a sport. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. But no fighting please. I guess some people take this stuff pretty seriously...