You Ever Caught for Carlos Zambrano?

You ever caught for Carlos Zambrano... ON WEED???

Last November, voters in Massachusetts overwhelmingly decided to decriminalize marijuana. If less than one ounce of marijuana is found in your possession, then the maximum penalty is a $100 fine, with no criminal record of the incident. The good people of Massachusetts basically stated, "If you smoke weed, then who gives a shit? We got better things to worry about." And with good reason, because honestly, if you think smoking marijuana is a crime, then move to Malaysia and get a job with the government, you will fit right in... You jackass.

Better still, go work for the WWL.

Geovany Soto tested positive for Marijuana during the World Baseball Classic this passed Spring and unlike the good people of Massachusetts, ESPN decided they should make a big deal out of it. However, ESPN does not treat these stories with the same gravity as they would, say a PED story. When Manny Ramirez tested positive for whatever the hell he tested positive the mood down in Bristol most closely resembled a funeral. At times it felt as if Manny was some kind of victim. At best, he was a cautionary tale, rather than an outright cheater who should exposed and ridiculed for his actions. Most likely, however, ESPN was simply mourning the loss of a default story line; Manny went 0 for 4 in the game, but look! He has dreadlocks! Oh, Manny.

Contrast the tone of the Sotojuana story with that of the Manny saga. ESPN was derisive with Soto, even to the point of being hypocritical. On the one side, ESPN wants to embarrass Soto, painting him as some kind of fool that deserves to be mocked because, well, only clowns smoke weed, right? But then out of the other side of their mouth, they make light out of the situation.

Banter

Stu Scott: Stone Cold Soto's apparently more concerned with appeasing his craving for munchies, then boosting his OPS.

/Chuckles

Neil Everett: Yeah, his numbers might not be high as last year, but he most certainly is...

/Guffaws.

Ahem, but seriously kids, smoking weed is wrong, and Mr. Soto has really set a bad example.

Stu Scott: Wrong like Cheech n' Chong... Oops!

/Explosions of laughter.

Now of course ESPN needs to report this information to it's consumers. But it's the manner in which it is reported that is an issue. Either it just report it, condemn it, or defend the guy. After you do that, leave it the fuck alone. But ESPN can't help itself. The next day after the report surfaced, writers over at the WWL just couldn't resist referring to Soto in a dismissive tone. From Friday, June 26th:

[The Cubs win] and they can thank Geovany Soto, of all people, for that.

And as the headline from the scoreboard read:

...Soto atones as Cubs top ChiSox

Atones for what? Every night after a game, players descend upon their favorite restaurant, bar, or club and get drunk. They don't get tested for alcohol that night or even the following morning and fans go blissfully unaware of the previous nights shenanigans. Except in the case of one Nick Adenhart. Not only was the driver that hit Adenhart's vehicle drunk, but so too was Adenhart, as well as Adenhart's driver. To my knowledge, we don't have intensive laws against high-driving, and to date, there haven't been many (or any) deadly car accidents because the driver was driving high, and only going 20 in a 35... Because the driver was so high.

The Adenhart incident is a tragedy and there is no attempt to paint the departed in a negative light. We have all either gotten behind the wheel, or allowed some other impaired driver bring us home, while drunk. But, which is the the greater threat? Getting high, or getting drunk? The results seemingly speak for themselves, but the decision is ultimately yours.

One thing is for certain, this was not Soto's first meeting with Mary Jane and it certainly won't be his last, he'll just more careful about the timing. So, if a 26 year-old man can climb his way into the Bigs, getting high on occasion (or often), and (most likely) not seriously endangering his or anyone else's life, then what is the issue? No, weed does not necessarily impact performance. No, he should not have to apologize for his actions. No, children do not take their pot-smoking cues from professional athletes who have tested positive for dope. Yes, you are ignorant if you think otherwise.

So pump the breaks, ESPN. Either laugh it off and chalk it up to the over-hyped non-sense that it is, or just report it as news. Shit, I got high this morning and still went to work. Think my boss or anyone else around me knows? Aside from the other person that's high, the answer is "Hell nah." Whatever you do, don't mount your high horse and make this young man feel any worse than he already does. He's already been embarrassed more than he should have been and doesn't need you piling on (as if he needs it, have you seen the dude's numbers lately? KILLING my fantasy squad). It's just some weed... There's no slippery slope here... Take a cue from Massachusetts and for once, ride a refreshing wave of just apathy.

Deadly Manuevers, pt. 2

Rondo Revisited


Salary and free agent "positioning" considerations aside, why would a team would even consider attempting to replace a performing fixture in your starting lineup? Why roll the dice and gamble on chemistry or even leave anything up to chance in the bumper car race to the free agent class of 2011? A better question might be, what's wrong with simply riding Rondo? Homoerotics aside.

As mentioned previously, Rondo's numbers have improved with each passing year that he has been in the league, in both the regular and post seasons. We can take a closer look here:

Season MP - - FG% -- FT% - ORB - DRB - TRB - AST - STL - TOV - PTS
06-07 - 1831 - .418 -- .647 --- 74 --- 218 -- 292 -- 297 -- 128 -- 137 -- 501
07-08 - 2306 - .492 - .611 ---- 78 --- 244 -- 322 -- 393 -- 129 -- 147 -- 814
08-09 - 2642 - .505 - .642 --- 100 -- 316 -- 416 -- 659 -- 149 -- 209 - 953

Of course, 2007 was a watershed for Rondo considering the arrival of two superstars to the mix. However, if you notice, the big boost in production did not come until the 08-09 season. Nearly 100 more rebounds, over 250 more assists, and 100 more points between this season and the last. These improvements are HUGE and there's no reason to believe that they are going to recede, or even level out, at least in the near future. Rondo is a freakish specimen, considering characteristics such as his outlandish wingspan (Bilas!) along with his speed and leaping ability, and as his confidence continues to grow, so too will his aggressiveness, and when Rondo is aggressive, he is at his best. At least based on what we saw in the Chicago series versus what we saw in the Orlando series.

And of course, Rondo has his drawbacks. Dude can't shoot worth a damn. But, as his numbers suggest, his shooting percentage is actually on the rise. Of course, this has more to do with his ability to get to the hole rather than to hit a 12-foot jumper. Plus, as we've seen, Rondo generally has very little trouble taking the ball to the basket, especially in transition. Many would argue that the only reason he has these opportunities is due to his teammates ability to occupy the defense, but isn't this always the case for any driving guard? And since when does a point guard need to be able to consistently knock down mid-range jumpers? If you recall, Jason Kidd has never been a great shooter nor a scorer, yet has been an institution in this league for nearly 15 years, twice leading his (below average) team to the NBA Finals. Kidd made his team better by being a decent defender, a solid rebounder, and a great passer. Rondo already has two of these capabilities, and is well on his way to achieving the third.

Perhaps the greatest concern for Rondo is his attitude. There have always been signals; a sour face here, a flip of the hand there, but nothing ever seemed like it was too much of a cause for concern. However, recent reports have surfaced with respect to Rondo's coachability and whether or not this could even become a bigger problem as Rondo approaches his contract season in 2010.

Whether or not Rondo's seemingly curious decision-making on the floor is a direct result of this "problem" or not, is difficult to say. However, this developing spat certainly complicates the contract issue at the end of next season. The Celtics could indeed end up losing their starting (premier) point guard, and receive nothing in return, and all as a result of some trade proposals gone bad and a loose-lipped executive. And that wouldn't be good for anyone. Well, maybe except Rondo.

Perhaps what is most bothersome about this situation is the lack of loyalty exemplified by certain parties. Now, this might come off as naive or idealistic, or even naively idealistic, but I am speaking more in terms of fanbase. Many Celtics fans seemed to jump at the chance of potentially removing Rondo from the roster. Sure, some had lofty notions of landing a big acquisition at the end of next season, and removing the "Rondo contract question" from the equation would certainly boost that possibility. Primarily, however, the cat calls have been focusing on Rondo's inability to perform (If I want to see missed layups, I'll go watch my son's youth games). Clever.

We have already looked at the numbers, so there is no reason to indulge these nonsensical accusations, but is there not something to be said for cultivating and maintaining homegrown talent? Boston fans used to hate the Yankees. Primarily, because they would always beat the Sox, but also because of the Yankees propensity for buying their talent. The Yanks would always seems to have an endless supply of talent due to their supreme wealth, so that they could always replenish diminishing resources. However, in recent years (and since the Sox have sort of turned the tables), Boston fans don't seem to mind bringing in outside talent to get the job done, even if their homegrown talent is the real reason for their success.

But, in this case, it just seems unnecessary.

As demonstrated, Rondo is a rising star. Is he going to be Chris Paul? No. Is he going to be Steve Nash? No. But he is going to be a prime-time point guard for years to come (and one who will play better defense then either of those two just mentioned). Plus, he has been making all-star guards such as Nash, Billups, and Iverson look foolish for the last two years, and did get the better of D. Rose in this year's playoff (No offense intended to anyone there. Just the fact is all). And when has his attitude been an issue up until this point? Prior to the advent of the "Big Three", Paul Pierce was not a popular cat in Boston. His attitude truly was a problem, but when he got what he needed, things changed. Pierce's attitude, however, was actually affecting the team. When and where has Rondo's attitude truly impacted the Celtics performance? Was it during their championship run?

What the Celtics should do is address that which is for certain; Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and even Kevin Garnett are approaching the end of their respective terms both with the Celtics and in the NBA, meaning that talent replenishment is going to be necessary. Also, considering last night's draft, if even a third of those first 9 point guards taken pan out, then there is going to be a serious need to match up at the point for years to come. This is compounded by the pre-existing rising talent level across the NBA at the position. Therefore, why not let Rondo know that he belongs right where he is? Make him happy, give him a long-term home. This will ensure not only that not all of the Celtics current talent is out the door by 2012, but also that they can match up with just about anyone in the back court. For the league is getting smaller and smaller, so why not hold onto one of the "biggest" point guards in the league? Or, the Celtics can risk being tormented by him for the next 8-10 years when he suits up for another team. The choice is theirs.

Instead of rolling the dice, the Celtics should consider Rondo to be their future. Look how frustrated Rondo gets in transition. The Celtics are currently a slow and/or old team. Rondo is fast and young. Too often is he alone in the break, leading to him simply pull the ball back and setting up the offense or, in the worst case scenario, putting up a difficult shot in the face of an odd-man defense. Why not support this style? Adding a free agent such as Shawn Marion, getting younger, and pushing the ball could really open up Rondo's potential even more. They don't have to be the Phoenix Suns circa 2005, but the Celtics could flourish in the Rondo era if they play to this strengths. Rondo is a beast in the open court, it's when things slow down that he has difficulty. If the dinosaurs are on their way out anyway, and Rondo is here to stay, then why not roll with it?

Why not just roll with Rondo...?

Rock CriDick - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix by Phoenix

Upon initial inspection of the latest release from French pop rockers, Phoenix, it's easy to gloss over the emotion behind the effort. The album is a lesson in hypertension. Bloated veins giving way to jittery fingers, and a hard, fast rhythm all hide the fact that a simple, beating heart is at the center of this phenomena. The main question being, is Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix simply a well-timed summer album, perfect for outdoor dance parties and white-knuckled road trips, or is it something to be reveled in at one moment, yet only casually appreciated over time? Or rather, is it a timeless album whose true depth will only be revealed in time, when our common tragedies cause us to hearken back to comforting imagery and enduring spirit that is carried throughout each track?

In a recent interview, Phoenix frontman Thomas Mars stated that the goal of this album was to combine songs 'that wouldn’t make sense together, except that they were played by the same band.' When first running through the album, Phoenix' Strokesy approach seems to suggest that Mars may not have fulfilled this particular goal as each song seemingly blends together and seamlessly. Whether it's the general pacing of each song, their trademark wavering guitars or Mars' penchant for rolling word-repetition, the album, at least at first, seems to be sonically cohesive.

However, this superficial consistency seems to fall apart upon repeated spins. Look no further than the segues between tracks 2 > 3 (1901 > Fences) and 3 > 4 (Fences > Love is Like a Sunset pt. 1). The flow established at the beginning of the album is disrupted when things begin to slow down for a time. So perhaps Mars is able to achieve the goal set forth at the outset of this particular project.

However, Phoenix tips their hand at this very point, even betraying their original intent. Behind the gangbusting pop from which the album charges forth, lies a deep melancholy. Fences' 80's synth pop reels the delirium in for a time, weighing down the whole affair and discussing the barriers form over time come between ex-lovers. Love is Like a Sunset plays like a Nine Inch Nails track gone soft, although I'm sure even Trent Reznor has had his heart broken as well. By the time the pace picks back up, the subject matter of the album has been revealed, so much so that not even the sharp pop/rock of Lasso can hide the album's therapeutic aim. Mars missed his mark, but we're all richer for it.

Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix successfully reminds us not to judge a book by it's cover. While the band's pop wizardry comes off as something breezy or even transient, the subject matter of the album seems to betray this impression. Your neighbor's grass might be greener than yours, but that still doesn't mean that all is well behind the front door and inside the bedroom. Even Franz Liszt and Mozart themselves encountered the ugly at some point or another, yet both were able to rise above it and create beauty in spite of it.

And not to completely indulge in the emo side of things, for this album's overarching energy and execution are still the main reasons for it's relevance, but Phoenix' existentialist approach to such inevitable darkness is the reason why the album succeeds on so many levels. Rather than resort to anguish and quietude, Phoenix is able to harness the energy, accept for what it is and embrace the best way the know how; transfer it through their aptly-honed pop sensibilities, and in a consistent fashion. So, if love truly is like a sunset, then why be concerned with what the night has to bring? Why not squeeze as much pleasure and beauty out of these inescapable events and the memories they provide? It's all just fuel for the fire Phoenix' fire anyway.

FSD Mock Draught 1.1

Welcome to FSD's first annual NBA (Lottery) Mock Draft. We have studied the game film, met with individual GM's, and have successfully determined the EXACT draft order for tonight's event, so ***SPOILER ALERT***, read no further if surprises are your thing.

So, why are we only looking at the first 14 picks of the draft? Well, for consistency's sake is all (of course!). You see, the whole issue of luck does not disappear once the official NBA Lottery is completed. No, sir. For no matter which prospect a team selects, there is always an element of risk and nothing is a sure bet... Also, we were only able to get in touch with so many GM's, so ahm... the data was ahm... compilation was an...

Look, we're just too lazy to go through all 30 picks, okay?! Jeez. What are you my 6th grade algebra teacher or something? Anyway, onto the picks!




1. Los Angeles Clippers

Blake Griffin - PF Oklahoma

This is the obvious choice, though we've got word that Ricky Davis is making a late push for Thabeet. Apparently he can't decide who is funnier-looking after a fat blunt.

2. Memphis Grizzlies

Demar DeRozan - SG USC

The addition of DeRozan gives the Grizzlies the most capital letters in the League, and their own "Big Three" of ball-hogging swingmen with questionable character issues.

OR

Abstained

Nobody wants to play in Memphis. No, seriously...check out their Team Roster http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/teams/roster?team=mem , courtesy of espn.com

3. OKC Thunder

Hasheem Thabeet - C UCONN

Thabeet's presence in the paint on the defensive end is exactly what the doctor ordered for the Thunder, much to the dismay of Ricky Davis. Picture this guy in a cowboy hat and chaps:

4. Sactown Kings

James Harden - G Arizona State

The 1st round pick assured to have the most irrelevant NBA career goes to the most irrelevant NBA team last season. A match made in heaven.

5. Minnesota Timberwolves

Ricky Rubio - PG Espana

This is a really a shame since Rubio thinks he's a whole lot better than he actually is, much like Gilbert Arenas, Antwan Jamison, DeShawn Stevenson...shit, this entire squad has an inflated self-image. Therefore, he would have been a perfect fit for the DC circus. Instead young Ricky will be drafted by the Wolves and then held as a poker chip for some sloppy team that wants to waste lots of money on a player who will be terrible and probably end up murdering a hooker prior to the Freshman-Sophomore game during All-Star weekend.

6. Minnesota Timberwolves

Tyreke Evans - PG Memphis

Did y'all know that Brian Cardinal AND Mark Madsen are on the Wolves? Truth be told, I actually think this would be a good pick for them. Their frontcourt is respectable (maybe a bit generous) while their point guard situation is uglier than Kevin Love's chinstrap.

7. Golden State Warriors

Jordan Hill - PF Arizona State

When Andris Biedrins is your top rebounder, oh and when your team sucks pretty bad, it might be a good indicator that you have issues. Hill can move, rebound, score, and is shit from the free-throw line, so he should fit quite nicely into the Warriors offensive schema.

8. New York Knicks

Jonny Flynn - PG Syracuse

Last night, Jonny Flynn declared that Jonny Flynn became a household name during this year's Big East Tournament. I guess it would be safe to say that Jonny Flynn was no longer a household name after the pounding the Orange took from the Sooners in the Sweet 16. And so, continuing in the long line of this point guards with inflated-egos heavy draft, Mayor Flynn should fit right in with this pathetic New York Knicks team, that somehow can't even figure out how to lose correctly, yet still manage to talk shit as if they earned the right.

9. Toronto Raptors

Gerald Henderson - SG Duke Blue Angels

It's safe to say that G Money is certainly going to miss his long-time point guard who just ran off to Syracuse. Therefore, the G Spot is really hoping he gets drafted by the Dinos so that he can be as close to his old his old matre as possible. G Whiz wants to make sure that although he is still gonna be on a soft, unsuccessful basketball team, that at least Greg Paulus will be able to watch the games on basic cable in his dorm room... G Unit.

10. Milwaukee Bucks

Stephen Curry - PG Davidson

Buckaroos are a small town market, and so they are looking for someone who could thrive in such a situation. Enter STEFAN Curry. Due to Curry's above average vision he could potentially thrive on the Bucks offense because there are so many options. People such as Michael Redd and ahm... They also have ahm... Well, perhaps Curry's excellent speed and explosiveness to the hole could serve the Bucks well, considering all of the holes they have on offense. So long as their vast collection of goofy, below-average postmen can stay out of the way, they should be all right in a non-playoff contender kind of way

11. NJ Nets

Terrence Williams - SG Louisville

TerrBear is the kind of stud who can walk in as a rookie and make drastic changes to even the lowliest of squads... If Devin Harris ever decides to give up the fucking ball. The Nets could have the most athletic back court in the league next year, in addition to the least athletic front court in the league. So, it's kind of a wash. But whatever. T Will is for real.

12. Charlotte Bobcats

Sam Young - SF Pitt

Sam I am doesn't really make sense for the Bobcats considering they already Gerald (Yo, String. Where the fuck is) Wallace. But aside from that, their next best swingman is Vladimir Radmanovic? Jesus Christ, Bobcats, get it together. With a guy like the Sam Pig in the equation, the Bobcats could have just enough fire power to make it into the playoffs next year. Or not enough fire power to make it right back into the lottery next year, which wouldn't necessarily be the worst thing either.

13. Indiana Pacers

Ty Lawson - PG North Carolina

If the Pacers were smart, then they would take Brandon Jennings with this pick... But when has anything associated with Indiana ever been labeled as "smart", or "wise", or "intelligent". If you said the Indy 500, then you were dead fucking retarded. I'm not sure why Ty Stick has dropped so far in the draft projections. Maybe it's a question of durability, or maybe it's that Duke products have better fortune in the NBA... Gross.

14. Phoenix Suns

Tyler Hansbrough - PF UNC

Well, why the fuck not? But most likely because this team has managed so poorly over the last two years by Capt. Kerr and company, that why not continue to let the shitty decisions keep rolling? My heart says Psycho T is going to be a huge, embarrassing failure in the NBA. However, my instinct tells me that he carves out a niche somewhere, averaging 8 pts. 8 rebs. and 6 broken noses throughout his carrer... It just won't be the with Suns is all.

Note: I intially had Omir Casspi - C, The Homeland here due to the Suns adherence to spending as little money as possible in the draft, while combining that with players who will contribute little-to-known in the near future, and the gaping hole left by Shaq. But my power got usurped.

Post-Lottery Projections:

- Count on the Bulls taking yet another big man from a "championship program" with glaring holes in his game and can't score in the post.

- Brandon Jennings' Euro team is elated to find they can "stash" him in the NBA for a few years to save some money.

- B. Lee complements Ricky Rubio on his choice of hair product. Rubio responds that without other players on the floor, his hair product cannot realize it's full potential.

- I make an ill-advised BJ Mullens joke.

- Whoever drafts Chase Budinger gets pumped about him winning a dunk championship in 7 years as the 9th man on a playoff team.

- The Jazz draft a player of non-color.

- Stuart Scott pretends to be a person OF color.

- Guys get drafted in the 2nd round who nobody has ever heard of.

- Ricky Rubio Fun Fact: Hates playing Solitaire.

- No less than 4 completely irrelevant trades involving marginal bench players and future draft picks are made faster than ESPN can create "Tale of the Trade" diagrams.

Picks who will most outplay his draft position: Ty Lawson, Darren Collison

Picks who will suck the hardest despite elevated draft status: Rubio, James Harden, Blo-Jay Mullens

Enjoy an evening of Stern sans Stephen A. everyone!

Deadly Manuevers

What's the going rate for a 23 year-old point guard that averages a near double-double every game, has plenty of playoff experience, and a championship ring to boot? Apparently not much in the eyes of the average Celtics fan.

Take a look at Rondo's 08-09 per game stats:

12 points - 8.2 assists - 5.2 rebs - 1.86 steals

In relation to all point guards this season, Rondo ranked:

3rd in rebounds (Behind Paul and Kidd)
2nd in rebounds per 48 minutes
3rd in offensive rebounds
5th in total assists
5th in total steals
2nd in FG% (Avg. 10 attempts per game)

And had fewer Turnovers than Chris Paul, Deron Williams, or Steve Nash

In relation to all guards, Rondo ranked:

6th in rebounds (behind Kobe Bryant and Andre Iguodala)
5th in offensive rebounds

Plus, these numbers (Pts, Assts, Rebs AND FG%) have risen each year since he has been in the league, and why should they not continue to do the same in years to come? Especially when he is only 23 years old, and is nowhere near his peak.

And just take a quick look at his 2009 Playoff numbers:

17 points - 10 assists - 10 rebounds - 2.5 steals (Yes, a Trip-Dub average)

Best Ast/TO ratio of performing PG's*
2nd best St/TO ratio of performing PG's*

(Performing PG's, meaning ample playing time)

The point of all this is, do not kid yourself; Rondo is a very good basketball player who is still on the upswing and has valuable experience in the league, and is a top 5 point guard in the NBA, right NOW. (Paul, Williams, Kidd, Parker...)


The Argument:


The Celtics run is obviously coming to an end. Ray Allen becomes a free agent at the end of the 2010 season. Paul Pierce is getting older and is a free agent/potential retiree at the end of the 2011 season. KG is getting older and will his body hold up if he continues to be the focal point of both the offense and defense?

So what does the future hold, talent-wise and financially for the Celtics?

Everyone knows what is coming around the corner...

2011 Free Agent List:

Lebron James
Dwayne Wade
Dirk Nowitzki
Yao
Pau
Amare
Shane Battier
Chris Bosh

... To name a few.

This is a bigger lottery than any draft could ever provide. The goal here for many teams in the next year is to dump as much money as possible. It's like a big game of Hearts. Dump your high cards, and give them all to the sucker (who has no chance of shooting the moon) so that you can afford to purchase the services of one or some of those superstars mentioned above.

In 2 years time, Rondo is also a free agent. No doubt, the Celtics will need to offer Rondo some serious money, and potentially a max contract. So, is it then wiser to trade (dump) Rondo now while his stock is high in order to avoid this showdown, and as a result, get something in return? And all the while, ensure that you don't take on too many long-term salaries that could impede entrance into the 2011 rodeo?

It seems that this is the idea if this recent trade proposal with the Pistons:

Ray Allen (2009: 18 million, 2010: FA)
Rajon Rondo (2009: 2.6 million, 2010: 3.7 million, 2011: FA? Max deal?)

for

Rip Hamilton (2009: 11 million, 2010: FA)
Tayshaun Prince (2009: 10 million, 2010: 11 million, 2011: Free Agent)
Rodney Stuckey (2009: 1.8 million, 2010: 2.7 million, 2011: 3.8 million, 2012: FA)

So, the Celtics shed Ray Ray's contract early in order to maintain competitiveness in the East, without taking on any long-term, cap heavy contracts. AND, avoid a future collision with Rondo by trading him away and gaining a serviceable to good point guard for the next few years to come. And of course, keeping them well in the hunt for some 12-point buck in 2011.

2009 Starting Lineup?

PG Stuckey
SG Pierce
SF Prince
PF Garnett
C Perkins

6th Hamilton


The Real Zone:


Rip's 2009 playoff stats:
13 pts, 5 assts, 3 rebs

Tayshaun's 2009 playoff stats:
4 pts, 1 asst, 3.5 rebs

Stuckey's 2009 playoff stats:
15 pts, 5 assts, 2 rebs

And a combined 4-game sweep.

To be honest, this just feels like shuffling the deck. Are the Celtics slightly better next year as a result of this trade? Maybe, if the chemistry works. They get younger and have more insurance in case a Pierce injury occurs. Also, they avoid Rondo contract negotiations and a potential huge contract on the books. But, come the end of next season, aren't the Celtics still in the same boat? Ray Ray's contract is gone regardless of the trade possibilities this season. Pierce is still signed through that year, in addition to the new Prince and Stuckey contracts. And if Stuckey continues his improvement, then what stops him from demanding big money come the end of 2011? Either way, if/when a big time free agent comes through the door in 2010, the Celtics still could be left looking for a point guard what's it all said and done? So, in neither the short term, nor the long-term do the Celtics appear to be better off.


The Case for Leaving it the Fuck Alone


All teams need to replenish their talent in time. This can be done via the draft, trade, or free agency. Free agency is often the quickest method of doing this (see Celtics pre-2008, then post-2008), because development and risk are removed from the equation. However, chemistry is no guarantee. The teams, that have been successful over the last few years have all had great chemistry. The teams that have fallen short (Cavs, Lakers in 2008) have not. The Pistons seems to have zero chemistry these days which would seem to be the root cause as to why there have been in such rapid decline over the last two years. So, why even try and bring on these additional players?

If the goal is winning, and preferably, winning championships, then you want to set yourself up for this by going with What works, or in other words, the safest bet. Now, if the Celtics set themselves up properly for 2011, then they could certainly land a big star. However, what will the supporting cast look like? Will it look like the Cavaliers? One star, and a bunch of serviceable role players? How's that working out so far? This seems to be how everything is shaping up with the shedding of Ray, Paul, and Rondo and the addition of less-proven players (whether it's the half of the Pistons starters, or some young guns from Memphis).

Instead, why not keep your young, proven, potentially elite point guard and roll with him? You have not one, but two HUGE contracts coming off the books in two years time, and next year you still have basically the same championship team from a year ago. Meaning, they can still compete for a title next year, and in two years (no matter what Rondo gets or does not get), you are still in contention to land a big free agent, using Pierce's money. And then, you have at least one year of KG, Rondo, and a big time (and hopefully young) free agent to be named later. A pretty solid core, this is shaping up to be. A draft pick here, another free agent there and you have yourself not just a solid supporting cast, but you have yourself an elite point guard, an all-world Power Forward, and a superstar.

Check the math, sort it out, and get back to me. I want Rondo on my team. I need Rondo on my team.

The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

As if it were possible for the Miami Dolphins to get any softer/more difficult to take seriously. It just happened...

Gloria Estefan recently purchased a stake in the Miami Dolphins ensuring positive support from middle-aged white men looking for some additional spice in their lives, but negative gains from those who prefer balls with their sports. According to sources, the Dolphins are looking to make gains in the vast Hispanic demographic in Miami-Dade area and believe that the Miami Sound Machine could facilitate some headway... If this were 1985.

And if Dolphins management is looking to make some real, positive gains into the Hispanic community, maybe it's the vaginal mascot that is the real issue. It lacks the necessary machismo that your target audience appreciates.


So, we here at FSD have come up with with a few suggestions for new team names:

The Defectors

The Mojitors

The Vices

The Pride (No, not like the Lion... Like the Gay)

The Rubber Rafters

The Parrotheads

Heat Nuggets (Cross-promotional opportunity! Synergy!)

The Jaywalkers

The Castrators (Better than Castro's Ballbag)

The Sound Machine

Ponder this??? Whose musical crimes are more egregious; Gloria Estefan's or Jimmy Buffett's?

Follow-up question; is it better to burn out or to continue making shitty music for all of my aunts and uncles to enjoy at sold out stadiums each and every fucking summer?

GO AWAY!

Encounters with the Rich and Famous

In the Year 2000...


I was heading off to college in some crazy Midwestern part of America. Instead of flying directly to my intended location for the next four years, we flew into the only worthwhile city in the entire Midwest. Namely, Chicago.

We were seeing the sites and doing the things, etc. when suddenly Mama Bear, Papa Bear, and Baby Bear fell hungry. So where could a hungry family of three find delicious food in a sprawling metropolis such a Chicago? Why HOOTERS, of course! Nothing screams"Family Time" like dad and son sharing a boner, whilst feasting visually on some D cups.

So we sit there for a while, enjoying our semi-digestible food as well as our last few hours together before we head north toward my freshman haze, when a beam of light flashes through the doorway. In time, an image slowly emerged through the blinding luminescence..

"Holy Shit", I breathe.

"Watch your mouth", papa quickly snaps.

"Can't we have a nice meal fuh...?", mama attempts to inject.

"Shut the fuck up... The Both of you... That's fucking A Rod", I realize.

"Who is A-"

"Shh. Here he comes..."

We do the sort of eating our food, but mostly looking up at the large, arrogant man that is walking towards and then passed us, largely and arrogantly.

Our busty waitress strolls over to check on us when we, barely able to contain ourselves, proclaim in hushed yet obvious tones, "That's fucking A Rod!" Busty doesn't really know what the hell we're talking about, but she decides to stroll over and break the ice with the lad anyway.

Five minutes later she strolls back over to our table with a serious look of disgust on her face, and then says, "Yeah that A Rod guy... He's a real jerk."

"Whuh... Why?" the inquisitive family inquires.

When we get this bomb dropped on us:

Busty: Aren't you A Rod?

Mr. Rod: Where's the party tonight?

The waitress continues her indignation (as if she doesn't get that shit all the time and from less wealthy assholes, to boot) while we greet her with 2 looks of shock, and one stream of giggles from some little dumbass who just happens to be on his way to college.

So I'd like to thank you, Mr. Rod. Not only for this blog post, and not only for the exclusive rights to this fantastic story, but also for providing me with an early window into your douchebaggery long before the national media provided the rest of the populace with it... After a near decade of cover up.

HEADLINES. . . !

Father's Day to be renamed Shawn Kemp's Day, in honor of his tireless service...


Dontrelle Willis terribly concerned over what that guy in 7th row thinks about his pitching mechanics...


Kobe Bryant catching the eye of Sesame Street execs. due to his superior accounting abilities...


Boston Bruins prove that hockey is more about individual performance than team success...


Shaq eager to be Lebron's new Ben Wallace...


Bryce Harper proves that having someone else take your SATs is not only wrong, but also unnecessary...


Orlando Magic just a coach and few low post moves away from title contention...


Brandon Marshall hoping to find new city that smiles upon domestic abuse... Or at the very least, looks the other way...


Terrell Owens excited about opportunity for dual citizenship provided by new ball club...


Joe Buck really hoping to meet this Lucky Pierre character in the near future...

Tales from the Boneyard

Sometimes you need to follow the hot fire with a nice cool beverage to stimulate the more positive areas of your mind and body. Therefore, I'm gonna make things sunny-side up for a little while. Meaning, this is gonna be delicious, yet potentially dangerous...


I'M TAKING Y'ALL TO THE BONEYARD!




Fantasy Baseball Edition.

Below you will find 5 members of the current All-Bone Team. Meaning that their performance and overall statistical dominance have led me not only to the top of my 8 fantasy baseball leagues, but also to Uptuckville (Pop: Me and millions of other attention-deficient, adolscent males currently stuck in American History class across America).

1. Mark Reynolds

Dude is straight-pushing 20 homers, 50 runs and 50 RBI in the first half of the season, and he admirably stepped in during D. Lee's slow start, followed by Dr. Atkins kicking the fantasy bucket, because he's qualified for both 1st and 3rd base! I guess there is something awesome going on in Phoenix after all. And did I forget to mention, forget to mention Memphis? Mother fucker steals bases, too! And besides, he bought me a one-way ticket to the Boneyard, so he's generous, as well.

2. Torii Hunter

Sure, we all knew he was a solid fantasian, but apparently the asshole that dropped him at the beginning of the season missed that memo. Ha! Torre, Torey, Torii has been rocking any and every pitcher that faces him this season. His numbers are all on par with Burt Reyonolds up above, EXCEPT his batting average is about 40 points higher. Woo! He's been a little dinged up lately but you can't keep a good man down. Steps in last night as a pinch hitter and immediately gets on base. God bless you, Spii Hunter.

3. Nelson Cruz

Anyone who was paying attention last year knew that this guy was going to be valuable this year. The difficult part was determining when to draft him. Shit, drafting him in the 3rd round wouldn't even have been a mistake this time around. He's not as young as you might think (29), which I guess makes it okay that he gets me so hot and bothered all the time. He's got a Carlos Lee kind of ceiling due to his ability to steal a few bases and hit for power and if Dave Murphy ever decides to start hitting the ball, then Vice Admiral Nelson should benefit. Badass can cruz me anytime... I'm already prepped and ready.

4. Brad Hawpe

Just a quick reminder; Garrett Atkins sucks, and Braw Hawpe does not. He's batting .340! And historically, he's a second-half hitter. So just what does the Hawpe Monster have in store for us come late in the season? A batting title? Slow down, little Sally. I can make one promise for sure, if he likes swinging the wood, then I can make sure he gets all he can handle.

5. Shin-Soo Choo

I got a serious case of the Yellow Fever going on over here. And the only known cure for this, ironically, is more yellow tail. And no, I am not referring to the two buck chuck found at your local grocer. I'm talking about 40 runs, 40 RBI, and 11 stolen bases. This Hanguk grinder has got me itchin' to get back to the peninsula so I can down some goju and mix it up at the Nore-bang with some like-minded individuals. If Kim Jong can keep his bombs to himself, then I don't see anything stopping the Choo Choo Train and myself from enjoying a few fantasy titles this season. I'm sure he's... behind me all the way.


So, thank you, gentlemen, and keep up the work. But please don't take my words literally. I wouldn't want anything hindering your sweet stroke.

Hatin' On Your Home Town

Polism is certainly a widespread phenomenon. When combined with the pugilistic nature of sports and the Internet, it can certainly take on a freakish life of it's own. Because we here at FSD are masters of Ju-Jutsu, we understand that all things in life have a force. This force must either be embraced or deflected as it cannot very well be resisted (ibid, your honor). Therefore, we are just going to go ahead and embrace it. As much as I would like to tone down the venom, I'm just not sure that is a possibility at this point in my juvenile development. And hell, it can only get us that much more ready for football season, am I right? So let us get to this week's entry in order to better understand why your home town is just so shitty...

First up!


St. Louis, Dispatched.


Named after a gay French king, the Gateway to the West is nestled firmly at the crossroads of the Missouri and Mississippi Rivers, two of the most polluted bodies of water in America. But I'm not here to talk about St. Louis' awful beer, their terrible ghettos, or their crappy pizza. I'm here to talk about how St. Louis might be the greatest second-rate sports town in America (next to Buffalo, of course).

And I mean that in the best possible way.

One of the best things I've ever witnessed as a sports fan was the Patriots capturing their first Super Bowl title. After losing their franchise quarterback, a relative unknown steps up and carries the team all the way to New Orleans. The Patriots were near two touchdown underdogs, yet won the game, shocking, well, at least some of the world.

One of the other best things I've ever witnessed as a sports fan was the Boston Red Sox bringing home their first World Series trophy in over 75 years. Down 3-0 against their biggest rival, they stormed back in the ALCS and after that the World Series itself was nothing more than a technicality. No one stood a chance against the Sox after their grand, historical resurgence.

Many a sport fan in St. Louis do not share the same positive thoughts when they consider their fondest memories. One St. Louisian friend of mine recently quipped, "God, one of the best things I've ever seen is when the Patriots perfect season was ruined. And then in the following season Brady blows out his leg in the first game of the season." I guess at least one person isn't over the Rams extremely rapid fall from grace (and relevance) since Super Bowl XXXVI. It makes sense, after all, the Patriots did cheat their way to three Super Bowls. But like I always say, cheating is better than praying. Just ask Kurt Warner. But this is the kind of negative support that I expect from a city's inhabitants that trumpets the second-worst attendance in the entire NFL, second only to the Detroit Lions (Yes we can!). I mean, if you can't support your home team, I guess you can pull against somebody else's. But what do you expect from a city that lost it's last football team to Phoenix?

And even though the Cardinals (the baseball team this time) have since won a World Series, their still seems to be some resentment surrounding the Fall Classic of '04. Who would of thought that Manny's implication in the steroids scandal would have provided such vindication, and fodder for Cardinals' fans across the land... I mean, Missouri. Indeed, the Red Sox 4-game SWEEP of the Cardinals is no longer valid, since Manny is a "cheater." I guess Manny was the reason why the Cards were only able to muster 3 runs on 13 hits over the last 3 games of the series. They must have just been intimidated by a potential Manny 'roid rager. Yeah, that's it.

And by the way, didn't Mark McGwire break a record or something when he was on the Cardinals? And doesn't New Busch Stadium have a Big Mac sign out in left field? Right, it's simply a reference to McDonald's... But either way, is he not a known steroids abuser? And specifically, during the time of his greatest success? As far as I know, Manny only recently tested positive and so there is therefore no evidence that the Cardinals were under any threat of roid rage during the 2004 World Series. Instead, they were just inferior to the Red Sox in all facets of the game. Either way, the moral of the story is, it's okay to cheat and lose (as well as make everyone actually watch Cardinals' baseball... ugh), but it's not okay to cheat and win. Got it. I think Tony LaRussa had a similar argument...

Officer, I wasn't drinking and driving. I was drinking and sleeping. I just happened to be in my car at the time.

But I guess the birthplace of Yellow Journalism still enjoys it's revisionist history.

And honestly, don't even ask about the Blues. Most people from St. Louis just assume that their hockey team left town with the football Cardinals, even though their hockey team has one of the best names in all of sports (begrudgingly). I mean, they are called the Blues, and they are located in St. Louis. So, I can understand the confusion.

And basketball? Well, they don't have basketball team, so apparently the NBA is irrelevant...

So, I guess I can sort of see the St. Louis' fans' side of things; since there is really only one team worth watching in the entire city (according to them, not me), there is only so much positive support than can be provided, given the good Polists that they are. Therefore, in order to fill the support vacuum, an avalanche of negative support rushes in, manifesting itself in the form of angst and jealousy, directed at those cities with a full plate of professional sports, and especially those cities that actually achieve in their sports. Yeah, I'd be probably be upset, too.

Take care, St. Louis! I wish you well in your search for an identity. I recommend that you embrace the steroids era for what it is; no one is innocent. Also, support your hockey team. They were one of the best stories in the league this year, and it damn near passed you by. And start going to Rams games, otherwise they're headed back to LA where they belong. And live in the now. Don't worry about how other cities embarrassed you in the past. St. Louis has enough to worry about without having to concern themselves with the affairs of other, more established cities. But, I guess that's why your city is known as 'the Lou.'


Best (and only good) thing about your city: Will Leitch.

Doin' Work

This winter, the blogger known only as "Deuce" allowed us unprecedented access to his most sacred actvity. We have been granted the ability to film, record audio, and observe while he engages in the activity that he does best. Namely, droppin' deuce.

He told us in advance that the best time to gather the footage would be in the early evening after he got out of work, most likely on a Wednesday, since Wednesday's were taco salad days at his place of employment, and he never misses a taco salad day.

Deuce enters the bathroom. We have 3 cameras, two boom mics, and a crew of 6 in the bathroom with him.

Oops. Excuse me, guys. I better saddle up quickly. Got a turtlehead poppin' out.

Oh shit. This is gonna be for real, guys. You picked an extra special day. I just hope you can withstand the assault. This may take a while.

/farts

I don't dwell on the days that I don't write... I'm an optimist. I figure if I don't write one day, then I'll write the next. If I don't write that next day then I'll probably write on the third day, and if I don't write on the third day, then I'll definitely write on the fourth day... Maybe.

/plop

People are always accusing me of not finishing, or fulfilling my duties. Like that fucker, b. Lee. Always giving me shit. But wait until I'm done with this masterpiece. No one will be able to accuse me of that once this little documentary hits the market.

Hey could you hand me that bong? Yeah, I always keep one in here just in case I don't make it to the bedroom before the deed needs doin'. Always packed. Plus, it makes it smell a little better in here, and I'm sure y'all can appreciate that.

/inhales

Wanna poke?

/exhales

/squirting noise

Oh man. I do apologize.

b. Lee is always saying, "Deuce you gotta write more." Or, "I'm gonna need that preview on the NL West by tomorrow." Or, "Put the bong down and pull the dick out of your ass." But, I'm like, shit, "I do what I want." And do you even see a dick in my ass? I mean, seriously. Take a look. No? All right, suit yourself. But, how could I even be dropping all this product into the bowl with something like that in my ass? Maybe if it were b. Lee's tiny, Irish cock... THEN, it would be possible.

/squeaking sound?

Oh god. Almost there guys. Are you getting good footage? Good... No one should miss this shit. I ain't much for making plays on the field or excelling in the classroom, but I will dominate a toilet. Kobe ain't got shit on me in that regard.

Typically, I like to concentrate when I'm in here. Can't say that all this attention hasn't affected my performance, but I'm a professional so, it ain't no thang. I think you will all be pleased with the result.

/stands and looks down

WooooooWee!

/grabs a few handfuls of TP

/reaches around and wipes

So what's on the horizon for myself? I don't know. Maybe some television, and probably a little bit of chorizo soup.

Oh, you meant in terms of blogging? Haha. Yeah, well I'm working on some bullshit, but I don't know if it will get done or not. I'm sure b. Lee will be jumping up my ass about it, but I'll make sure that I'm unwiped when the time comes.

Thanks, guys. Good luck with the editing and all that. Make me look good, Spike.

Take 'er easy.

/opens door

/toilet has not been flushed

Someone else will take care of it. I never throw away what I've created!

Special advanced footage from the upcoming documentary Deuce: Doin' Work:

And Out of the Ashes...

The hockey and basketball seasons may be a smoldering rubble of what once was hours upon hours of entertainment. But do not fear, for there are other, more niche sports out there that can certainly occupy our time. For we find no need to freak out here at FSD (unless not in public), as we know that on any green pitch, frozen service, or flat, cemented area that sport can be found. And so without further ado, allow me to introduce to you, FROLF.



It's like golf, just cheaper and with more drug consumption. Well, probably about the same amount of drug consumption. The only thing that turns me off from this sport is that I'm probably worse at it than real golf... Somehow. No word as to whether or not the director is submitting the film to Cannes or not.

Blogsturbation Monday

. . .


In a land filled with hope, wonder, and over-priced merchant goods, there was a highly coveted, supremely talented big man in Orlando. Known for his defensive prowess, as well as his monster dunks, the Big Man quickly managed to captivate the hearts and minds of fans across the NBA universe. He was known as the "Man of Steel", not only due to his physique, but also due to his ability to fly through the air before throwing something furious down. The Big Man was able to carry his team all the way to the Finals with his low post dominance and shot-blocking ability, charming crowds across America with his silly antics and gaping smile, and all at the tender age of 23.

However, in his first Finals appearance, the Big Man proved to be no match for his superior opponents, being dispatched with only the slightest of discernible objection. However, Big Man did manage to average 29 points and 13 rebounds per game against one of the best centers in NBA history.

Pau Gasol? No, you silly bastard. I'm referring to Hakeem Olajuwon.

Oh. Wait, did you think I was alluding to Dwight Howard's championship performance (13 pts, 15 rebs)? No. Thankfully we don't have to think about that sad story for the next few months. How to not show up, soldier boy. Now take off that silly cape. The drag is clearly impacting your low post maneuvering.

Congrats, Superman. You just let all your shitty fans down.


---

Sooooo, now that this hockey and basketball business is out of the way...

When does football season start again?

Why Hockey is Better than Your Favorite Sport

Game 7.

And all the crappy cliches that come with a game 7...

Our backs are against the wall...

It's do or die...

Win or go home...

I found a lump on my breast...

Yada fuckin Yada...

To be truthful, your loyal hockey apologist hasn't even watched one game during the Stanley Cup finals. For this, I should be publicly flogged. But given my activities during the course of this series, please find it in your hearts to forgive me.

These two teams hate each other at this point. They are so sick of each other's cheap shots. They're done with all the shit talking that the other team has thrown at them. And both of these teams are finished toying with the other and are dead set on proving their superiority (especially the Red Wings). Tonight's the night when everything should be released, because what the hell else are they going to use it for after this game? And if they want to throw a few extra periods in the form of OT at me, then that's cool, too. Either way, even if it feels like shaking the hand of an ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend, these two teams will still shake hands once the game is over in the ultimate sign of sportsmanship (unlike Bron Bron).

One critic noted that this series would go 7 games... You're welcome.

Rejoice all anti-hockey fans, for this is the last time you will have to endure anymore hockey talk until the Fall!

Or until I get nostalgic and/or run out of things to write about. Both of which are a possibility.

So, do yourself a favor and enjoy the show tonight.

Goodbye, my loooove!

My (Two) Weekends Were Better Than Yours

To your left, you see the reasons for my truancy over the last two weeks. Actually, it's the wrong picture because the wristband from the Strawberry Park Bluegrass Festival is not included, but I was there, too. But you get the idea. I also didn't get a picture of the tick that I extracted from my bodice last weekend, but I'm not sure he really would have worked with the collage, potentially making for a muddled... assortment of... various... artifacts. Too late.

Anyway, I've spent so much time on Landsdowne St. over the last few days that they're considering naming a street corner after me... Probably the one that I managed to vomit upon not once, but two times during my various exploits over the last few weeks.

This kind of post comes dangerously close to those bullshit, masturbatory tweets that the kids seem to love so much these days, but I felt the need to explain myself a little better in lieu of the rapid drop off in posted content. Or, I just wanted to let you know how much cooler I am than you are. So fuck off.

This weekend is recoup time, so I'm gonna rest up and come up with some good ideas to get this show back on the road and once again make sure that this blog is better than yours... Not that the opposite was ever the case. What's that? Game 7 of the Stanley Cup playoffs is on tonight? Sounds like a one-way ticket to the Boneyard. More to come...

Hi, 8 Ass!

So, we are at the twilight of the sports year. Sure, the steady undercurrent that is baseball will carry us like a lazy river into the football season, but the seasonal dread has already taken hold. Typically it is the winter time that causes so many to regress into a crippling inertia, causing them to pack on pounds and reduce their overall productivity and capacity for optimism. However, in the case of my co-conspirator, their seems to be a case of the Summer Blues. Yes indeed, while Deuce's Mo Williams-like performance over the past two weeks has left us all a little uninspired (at least no guarantees were involved, I guess), there is plenty to be optimistic about over the next few months.

For little does Deuce know, that contrary to popular notions, football is not the time when this site thrives. In fact, it is these warmer months when the publishing and site traffic hits it's peak.

Sure, I mean look at what is on tap; forget baseball, the WNBA and the MLS are just getting started, and if you're like me, then nothing gets you more amped than women's basketball and amateur soccer. We're gonna be bursting with content over the coming months. I can barely control myself while typ... Coming... Bursting... Oh.... Oh God! (Shutters).

Forgive me...

So if you're not excited, then you better get excited, mother fuckers! Because the hiatus is up, and Cap'n b. Lee is back on the prowl. Plus, we got game 3 tonight, a MASSIVE game 7 tomorrow, and some continued Red Sox domination of little known division rival. So much time, so little to do...

Strike that. Reverse it.

It's good to be back y'all.

(I'll fill you in on where I've been tomorrow).

Social Anxiety Disorder?

Take two of these...


And call me in the morning after you've CHILLED... THE FUCK... OUT!

Seriously, I wonder if we just dropped you spazzes off in the middle of the African savannah, would the lions and the cheetahs begin to make y'all paranoid after a while? Well, I should fucking hope so! Given the fact that they, unlike us, actually want to fucking make your lives miserable by eating you alive! At the very least it would give you some well-needed perspective. We, the people, would never even consider eating you alive... Unless there were rampant food shortages... But there aren't! At least not at the moment...

So Khalil, Dontrelle, Joey; would you please lock it up? Follow Zack's lead and get your act together because I mean, at least one of you has a promising career to look forward to.