Sorry, I didn't just ruin the ending for anyone, did I?
So I made a promise to write 2 blogs this week. Now, Deuce here is a lot of things. But if I'm nothing else, I'm a visionary who consistently lacks follow-through and initiative. But if I AM something else, it's a man of my word. So here I go, ending FSD's first EVAH streak of consecutive days of no-posting at 2.
So I made a promise to write 2 blogs this week. Now, Deuce here is a lot of things. But if I'm nothing else, I'm a visionary who consistently lacks follow-through and initiative. But if I AM something else, it's a man of my word. So here I go, ending FSD's first EVAH streak of consecutive days of no-posting at 2.
Your esteemed "Chief Dick" is currently on vacation, no doubt letting a young, dirt-skinned adolescent named Guillermo slurp Pina Coladas out of his navel at this very moment. Before departing, he entrusted the proud name of FSD in my hands. What I mean by that, is he finally unblocked my IP address from signing in. Essentially, it's the blogosphere's version of unshackling me from the cellar dungeon he keeps me locked in, releasing me only to forward him humorous links, stories, thoughts and occasionally fingerblast his mother.
This could not come at a worse time in the sports world. Olympics...over and past forgotten, except for the raging hangover the NHL has been left with. The NBA has taken on a sense of the inevitable until the 2nd round of the playoffs, and baseball is teetering between meaningless, and slightly less meaningless. All the glass slippers of the NCAA Tournament have shattered, and the NFL draft is still weeks away. For god's sake, ESPN even had a WOMEN'S BASKETBALL PLAYER as the focus of their Sunday conversation. Shit, meet fan.
As a Chicago sports fan, this purgatory has been even more depressing. The Bulls have slipped into lottery obscurity in favor of joining the Knicks, Nets and other stalwarts of the 90's in the Great Free Agent Chase of 2010. (For the record, the wish list reads: Bosh, Wade, Boozer, Joe Johnson, in that order.) The Blackhawks are clearly not the same team they were before the All-Star break, which has put a serious fucking damper on my "Better Know a Contender" rough draft. The Bears did their own Free Agent Bukakke Dance, leaving me no more confident (or enamored) than I was at season's end, and the White Sox are platooning Mark Kotsay and Andruw Jones at DH.
/places one testicle (the left) in desk drawer...slams it shut.
Enough bitching. What I'm trying to say is, sports sucks right now. Especially for me. So because it's easy to read and easier to write, here's some random (and I do mean FUCKING RANDOM) thoughts on events past, present and future, categorized by athletic genre and full of hyperbole and unfounded conclusions. Now piss off.
NCAA March Sillybilly
- The Final Four smells an awful lot like a preseason Maui Invitational.
- In the battle between two of the least likable coaches in the world, Bob Huggins could probably save himself some nationally televised humiliation by coming out for the second half with his sweatpants around his ankles. Save Coach K the trouble.
- Spartans vs. Blue Devils. Izzo vs. K-Rat. Because the NCAA said so.
NFL
- The new overtime "procedure" is utter bullshit. Bob Costas, Peter King, Gene Wojo, et. al....each one of you are the kind of people who should never, ever, be involved in sports past coaching your daughter's 6 & Under soccer team.
- If the Rams draft Sam Bradford #1 overall, it'll prove that nobody learned nothing from the Mario Williams/Reggie Bush debate.
- Jay Cutler for Donovan McNabb...straight up. Make the call.
- Oh and the new overtime "procedure" is for pussies.
The National...Basketball...Association!
- John Salmons has perfected the "change of scenery" angle.
- Why don't NBA teams run any offensive plays? Watching so much college hoops has made this so glaring. It's all a two-man game.
- The Suns are not dangerous in the West. Portland is. Milwaukee, Charlotte...not. Atlanta, Toronto are.
- With John Wall as the "consensus" #1 pick, it's ironic that all the worst teams (New Jersey and Golden State, for instance) already are set at point guard.
Guys Beating up Other Guys
A short anecdote: I went to a "party" on Saturday night to watch UFC 111 at the "home" of a long-absent friend of my girlfriend. I knew no one, she knew the hostess. I spent the next 3 hours magically transported into a scene from Entourage, with each character's real-world doppelganger easily identified. Bad jokes, high-priced/hyped/shitty beer and booze, bad and over-friendly inside jokes. It was disconcerting, and also quietly hilarious. I'll give them this though...rich dudes get GREAT weed.
Oh, and also Georges St. Pierre is one of the Top 10 athletes in the world today. Dude is a ninja-wrestler-streetfighter hybrid who never gets tired, and enjoys inflicting gradual pain. He would kick your ass three times before lunch.
Stickball
- Miguel Cabrera should probably be drafted higher in your fantasy league than he was/will be.
- Matt Kemp, lower.
- AL Playoffs: Yankees, Twins, Angels, Rangers/White/Red Sox (WC)
- NL Playoffs: Phillies, Cardinals, Dodgers, Giants/Marlins/Braves (WC)
Purely for Comedic Value
Headphones needed.
As a Chicago sports fan, this purgatory has been even more depressing. The Bulls have slipped into lottery obscurity in favor of joining the Knicks, Nets and other stalwarts of the 90's in the Great Free Agent Chase of 2010. (For the record, the wish list reads: Bosh, Wade, Boozer, Joe Johnson, in that order.) The Blackhawks are clearly not the same team they were before the All-Star break, which has put a serious fucking damper on my "Better Know a Contender" rough draft. The Bears did their own Free Agent Bukakke Dance, leaving me no more confident (or enamored) than I was at season's end, and the White Sox are platooning Mark Kotsay and Andruw Jones at DH.
/places one testicle (the left) in desk drawer...slams it shut.
Enough bitching. What I'm trying to say is, sports sucks right now. Especially for me. So because it's easy to read and easier to write, here's some random (and I do mean FUCKING RANDOM) thoughts on events past, present and future, categorized by athletic genre and full of hyperbole and unfounded conclusions. Now piss off.
NCAA March Sillybilly
- The Final Four smells an awful lot like a preseason Maui Invitational.
- In the battle between two of the least likable coaches in the world, Bob Huggins could probably save himself some nationally televised humiliation by coming out for the second half with his sweatpants around his ankles. Save Coach K the trouble.
- Spartans vs. Blue Devils. Izzo vs. K-Rat. Because the NCAA said so.
NFL
- The new overtime "procedure" is utter bullshit. Bob Costas, Peter King, Gene Wojo, et. al....each one of you are the kind of people who should never, ever, be involved in sports past coaching your daughter's 6 & Under soccer team.
- If the Rams draft Sam Bradford #1 overall, it'll prove that nobody learned nothing from the Mario Williams/Reggie Bush debate.
- Jay Cutler for Donovan McNabb...straight up. Make the call.
- Oh and the new overtime "procedure" is for pussies.
The National...Basketball...Association!
- John Salmons has perfected the "change of scenery" angle.
- Why don't NBA teams run any offensive plays? Watching so much college hoops has made this so glaring. It's all a two-man game.
- The Suns are not dangerous in the West. Portland is. Milwaukee, Charlotte...not. Atlanta, Toronto are.
- With John Wall as the "consensus" #1 pick, it's ironic that all the worst teams (New Jersey and Golden State, for instance) already are set at point guard.
Guys Beating up Other Guys
A short anecdote: I went to a "party" on Saturday night to watch UFC 111 at the "home" of a long-absent friend of my girlfriend. I knew no one, she knew the hostess. I spent the next 3 hours magically transported into a scene from Entourage, with each character's real-world doppelganger easily identified. Bad jokes, high-priced/hyped/shitty beer and booze, bad and over-friendly inside jokes. It was disconcerting, and also quietly hilarious. I'll give them this though...rich dudes get GREAT weed.
Oh, and also Georges St. Pierre is one of the Top 10 athletes in the world today. Dude is a ninja-wrestler-streetfighter hybrid who never gets tired, and enjoys inflicting gradual pain. He would kick your ass three times before lunch.
Stickball
- Miguel Cabrera should probably be drafted higher in your fantasy league than he was/will be.
- Matt Kemp, lower.
- AL Playoffs: Yankees, Twins, Angels, Rangers/White/Red Sox (WC)
- NL Playoffs: Phillies, Cardinals, Dodgers, Giants/Marlins/Braves (WC)
Purely for Comedic Value
Headphones needed.
Purely for Erection Value (and because you've asked)
This is kind of like spending the week at your Dad's shitty apartment, that smells a little like soup, without any of your toys, video games, clothes, bedroom, etc. while Mom's out of town on business/with her new boyfriend, isn't it? 
It's not the worst thing in the world to be stuck with him for a week. He doesn't really pay you as much attention, and you don't see him all that often anyway, but you can't fucking wait for Mom to get back.
The analogy works because b. Lee has a snatch wider than most women who've given birth.
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