On behalf of LSU football and all of our fans, we would like to thank you for the victory this past Saturday in Georgia. The absurd, yet perfectly timed, unsportsmanlike conduct penalty assessed after Georgia scored a late, and possibly game-clinching touchdown, really helped us out. For there was no chance that our ineffective offense would be able to move the ball more than 50 yards in less than a minute given the mediocrity of our passing game.
You first came to our overrated aid in the third quarter. Georgia was systematically having their way with our soon-to-be-exposed defense and after firing their way into our red zone, you fine officials, in your infinite wisdom, decided to call a mystifying Unsportsmanlike Conduct penalty which immediately pushed the Bulldogs back out of the red zone. Unfortunately, Georgia had already figured out our defense at this point and scored an easy touchdown only moments later. But, as always, it was the thought that counts.
And of course, you made it up to us anyway! For how could the SEC and the NCAA both not see what was on the horizon? A 4-1 LSU team against the undefeated Gators? This makes not for compelling football! But, a 5-0 LSU ball club? At home? Against the National Champions? This is something we can all make a little extra scratch off of!
So I say to you, noble officials: do not bow your heads in deserved shame for the obvious transgression against our unfortunate opponent. They were a worthy sacrifice to the national televisions gods as well as to their sponsors. A lightning strike touchdown against a top-ranked defense or not, their celebration could certainly be deemed excessive, at least in our humble opinion. And apparently in your enlightened opinion as well! And so once again, allow us to offer our sincerest gratitude to you and your families. And even though we have every intention of getting stomped next weekend by a superior football program, we still appreciate the opportunity.
Deux Deux,
Coach Miles
The Earth has spoken
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